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2020.07.27 12:43 27JJulbarium Su-gar Da-ddy Da-ting We-bsites

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2020.07.04 19:05 BitBitBitBite My Life on the Internet Dating Circuit: Pandemic Edition

This is the internet so I am sure there are going to be trolls and jerks trying to shit on this post but overall I think it’s an experience worth sharing.
After a two year hiatus from dating since my divorce and relocating back to the Chicagoland area I decided to put myself out there again and re-enter the dating scene. Prior to this I had been married for nearly a decade and since then had two children and up until this point have lived in three different cities; NYC, Jacksonville, FL, and now Chicago (ish). I actually had decent luck in the past with internet dating and even married the mother of my children after meeting her on OkCupid.
Man, have things changed.
I decided to go with what worked in the past first and signed up for OkCupid. The app had totally changed and there was an entirely new layout and ridiculously high subscription rates for features that were free in the past. There are a thousand questions you can fill out to make it nearly impossible to match with anyone and based on your answers your matching percentage goes up or down. I am not sure what the science is behind this but since subscribing the past few months visual queues & questions are misleading. You can alter your answers to make it look as if you DO agree with a potential match which sort of defeats the purpose of being honest about the things that matter to you, but overall the questions are subjective and without meeting the person, can be totally taken out of context.
Week One:
I had only been online for about a week and started sorting through profiles of women who I thought were on the same wavelength. I am kind of an aging hipster in my mid 40’s but unlike many hipsters my age, has had a successful career, and overall emotionally mature and responsible. I just like dressing casual, that’s all. I don’t know if I am as attractive as I was in my 20’s or 30’s but I have kept up well, stayed thin, and still have a full head of hair. I quickly re-learned what I didn’t like about the Chicago dating scene and built up a criteria of things I did not want in my next relationship:
My First Match:
Ok I’ll skip to the ending on this one. I totally blew it. After a decade of being out of the online dating scene apparently I didn’t know there were new rules or habits of online dating. First thing I learned was that some women will wait a day or so before responding to a match because they want to see how eager they are. There is also apparently a thing called ‘ghosting’ where someone will like you but not respond after matching. With both of these in place I made the mistake of purchasing “Read Receipts” that allows you to see that the other person has read your messages. After matching with “Joan” I wrote to her a few times thinking she was tethered to her laptop like I was. I saw several ‘reads’ but no reply. A few more days passed and I began to vomit my insecurities in message form (total bonehead move!) and nothing seemed to make her budge. She eventually unmatched me after I wrote her that the ‘ghosting’ thing was kind of a bummer.
It was a bummer and in hindsight it was probably for the best. Someone who doesn’t write back on a dating site after liking you comes off as kind of cold. As much as it is frustrating to get ghosted it’s probably good to know that though they might have shown interest in you there is something clearly on their end that they are dealing with and I don’t want any part of that.
Expanding My Horizons:
After whiffing on OkCupid I expanded my horizons to the other big 3; Tinder; Match.com; Bumble.
Of the three I had more matches on Bumble. Women seemed to like my Wes Anderson references but other than that, after a message or two, it became a series of ghosting. I can say with certainty that I was ghosted at least 12 times on Bumble which statistically speaking is a lot. You only connect with those who might be slightly on your tip and I would have assumed 3 after my first round on OKC. I can’t tell if they liked me and didn’t read that I had kids or what but for whatever reason pretty much all the women, but one, ghosted me on Bumble.
Tinder wasn’t much different. I would match with a few women here and there but the difference would be that a few of them I actually had a decent connection with after a few chats. One went as far as adding me sending me her number & WhatsApp ID but after a few messages on there….you guessed it! Ghosted!
And you’re probably wondering “Well, what are you saying to these women?”
As a father of two daughters I assure you I am not sending anything raunchy and only engaged in playful talk and if it ever got sexual it was initiated first by the women.
There are probably a myriad of reasons someone ghosts you, and I am sure men do it too. I am a rational guy and know that perhaps they met someone, started chatting with someone, or just lost all hope in general and just gave up after matching with me.
I am not bitter at all about any of this.
Match.com had the most dates?
While it was nice to meet and date a few people since my hiatus after being divorced I have come to realize that with the relocation back to Chicago, witnessing the COVID 19 scare and the Black Lives Matter movement, and having two kids now might not be the best time for me to get into a serious relationship. I need more ‘me’ time and revisit the things that made me happy when my prior marriage wouldn’t allow me to.
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2020.03.13 16:05 my_throw_awayyy What the F*** am i doing Part 2

I'm still lonely and i still feel like i'm struggling mentally. I'm a 21 yo college student, i go to church twice a week and i have a fast food job. This may sound really weird but i just want a girlfriend soo bad. I have tried Tinder, Ok Cupid, Bumble and i have gotten no success . I just want to spend quality time with a girl, i want to go out shopping with my girlfriend and give my opinion about every outfit she tries on. I want to have a dinner and date night with a girl or a Netflix and chill night. But i guess i will get a girl eventually, it just take time.
I have been to the strip club twice because i was looking for the level of intimacy and love that a girlfriend would give. I didn't receive the enjoyment i expected. It's not the strippers fault or the strip club's fault, it just so happen that you can't get that level of intimacy at a strip club and it was a learning experience for me.
Now after that experience, i have been thinking about going to an escort. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't work based on my experience with the strip club . If i do chose the escort option, i would prefer to have a big booty latina girl lol . (I do realize that escorts are kinda risky and not cheap btw).
Now this is the "WTF" part of my life. So i have this crossdressing fetish and i had this for a few years now. Last week, i order a pair of women wedges (Here are the wedges ) and soon im gona order a dress or a skirt and dress up as a girl going to the club or a girl that gets a lot of looks in public. Why am i doing this ? Idk tbh, maybe it will make me feel better. I will probably please me sexually and maybe that will make me feel better.
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2019.05.30 14:07 Yoshitheman Had a weird but interesting experience on okcupid last night...

I was browsing thru ok Cupid( dating app) and got a match with a sexy Colombian Latina. I proceeded to talk to her thru chat where it eventually got pretty flirty, eventually she asked for my number and started to iMessage me but it appeared she was using an email. Made me skeptical and thinking maybe this is a fake profile, she ended up sending me a video of her on her bed (able to see her face) than started to twerk a bit. She was apparently very horny and wanted me to send a video, I just sent her some selfies so I can verify its me. After some time I kinda dropped the convo and we moved to what we do in our lives, where she than sent me a picture of her in her panties. (No face could be seen) She wanted a picture back so I sent her a picture my hard dick under my boxers, she than followed up with a pic of her pulling out and showing me her pussy. She insisted on a pic of my dick, but I didn’t feel comfortable showing her the whole package so I just sent a picture of the head. She was disappointed cause she wanted to see the whole thing, but I didn’t. I said goodnight beat my meat and ended my month long streak sadly, my boner wouldn’t go down by itself as I am a big fan of Latina girls. Especially when they are super flirty, which is common for anyone who doesn’t know Latin people. Kinda ashamed that I slipped up after sexting for a bit.
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2019.04.14 20:16 Goldenkingpin My first round of Latin America experiences

Synopsis
https://www.reddit.com/AsianMasculinity/comments/7rac08/asian_soft_power_in_latin_america/
I really liked an older thread on a similar topic. I wanted to share notes but from the perspective of an older Asian bro. Depending on who you ask I’m either a young GenXer or an old millennial (late thirties-early forties bracket. An eccentric trader tantalized me with stories of adventures and exotic women. I’ve dated Latin and Caribbean women from the States and wanted to see how they are different in their native lands.
Stats
During my college years and early career I loved working out and doing martial arts. I’m 5’7” and have a small frame so the most I could get up to was 160 lbs. My weight really bounced around over the years. When I dated a Mexican vegan some of her habits rubbed off on me. I was OK when I was a vegetarian but when I also cut out the eggs and milk to be vegan, I dropped to 110 lbs. Basically a bag of bones.
Since then I rebalanced my diet and doing bodyweight exercises from Athleanx. I really want to lift again but I don’t want to re-aggravate my old lower back and joint problems. I spent way too much time in physical therapy. I’m up to 133 lbs so I still have some work to do.
I’ve also been gradually replacing my wardrobe. I shudder at some of the old clothes I used to have. Now I feel a need to make up for lost time. Just because I’m old enough to be your father doesn’t mean I have to dress like one.
Salvation Army Swag
The aesthetic that aiming for is the Tony Leung character from In the Mood for Love and 2046. To keep things simple I usually ask for some variation on a business cut or combover fade with a side part. Depending on how hot it is I ask the barber for a zero or one guard on the sides.
Needs more work
New threads
Social Life -
My mindest is that there is no affirmative action for getting action. I know it’s not your fault there is a societal cockblock in the West but it is YOUR problem. It’s kind of like when some asshole allows his dog to crap on your doorstep. You shouldn’t have to clean it up but what is the alternative? You need to handle your shit like a man. Cash in that chip on your shoulder. Get mad but channel that anger into something productive. We are men first being Asian is a bonus feature.
Domestic dating -
Back in my day when T-Rex used to roam the earth I had to forage for honeys the old fashioned way. It was mostly social circles and a bit of online dating when it was still developing. My prior dating experience up until a few years ago was limited to being a monogamous serial dater. After a breakup I would get frustrated at having to start the process all over again. I try to maintain a mix of activities through meetup.com to keep my social life active.
I’ve always admired the player community. When you diversify your love life you feel so much more free. It’s weird but nowadays I feel like you have to treat your love life like a trading portfolio; cut the losers out quick and ride the winners as long as you can.
Most of my friends are now married with children. I’m a bit jaded as I’ve seen the drawbacks of being weighed down by a ball and chain. Sometimes the relationships in the States seem so fragile. I still remember when my friends came back from their honeymoon about a decade ago. Then out of nowhere WHAM divorce and alimony bills.
Dating in my 20s and early 30s wasn’t bad but I once I hit a certain age things started to crawl. There are times when I feel like a beggar in the sexual market place in the States. I’m doing my best to return myself to “rightswipeable” condition so I can do a fair comparison of my Stateside SMV vs my Latin America SMV. Basically if I can’t get any action in the States I sure as hell won’t be able to get any overseas. I view this not a replacement but a supplement to my love life.
International dating -
Not sure what exactly prompted the idea of overseas romance. I used to work in a bank where relationship managers would brag about some of the fun returning from business trips. I had kept those conversations as a fun future challenge. In my mind the mark of a high quality man is being able to score with a high quality woman anywhere, any place in as little time as possible.
The trader I mentioned earlier used to say “Young man, if you wake up in the same bed with the same woman in the same country every year you’re doing something wrong.” He himself learned about this idea from another adventurous guy. I think the term was four flags strategy. Basically you want to have your income in one place, your investments in another place, your home in another, and your passport in yet another. It’s sort of like a fancy global version of a digital nomad or expat.
Since I’m not coined up to the point where I can just live anywhere I want I have to implement a poor man’s version. Right now I’m still a cubicle chump with three weeks vacation a year.
Dating a Latina overseas really isn’t that different than dating stateside Latinas aside from the language barrier. My prior girlfriends were 2nd generation or more so their Spanish skills varied. I’m generalizing but sometimes they can be very passionate and feisty. If you’ve ever had a chancla or shoe thrown your way after a spat you’ll know what I mean.
I use the duolingo app as one of my methods to learn Spanish. Every so often I would get an ad for these cupid sites. They’re based in Australia so the target market seems to be geared towards the gringos. I wanted to see how it compared to tinder and real life approaches. If you google them you will see a lot of manosphere blogs shilling these sites.
They have country specific sites the one for Colombia seemed more active but the one for Mexico doesn’t draw much traffic. I would suggest creating a barebones account to flush out the bots, catfishers, hos and other assorted nonsense first. Then you can start fleshing it out but don’t get too excited if you get a bunch of likes and messages at first. In fact getting a number isn’t particularly hard either. However converting that into a bang or even a date can be tricky
I met quite a few flaky and kooky women on the Cupid sites and Tinder. For example there was a Peruvian teacher that seemed to vibe well with me. Lot of nice back and forth on whatsapp. We even video chatted to build comfort ahead of time. What should’ve been a slam dunk turned out to be a last minute cancel after I got to the restaurant. It’s a good thing Peruvian food is awesome. There was also a lady that accused me of having another woman. All I did I was message her “Hi, how are you”.LOL
Dating life is inverted Stateside I can get mostly older and or busted ladies in real life but in Latin America so far I was able to meet with younger professionals online.
Medellin, Colombia – street level punk
The first foray into Latin America made me very excited as Medellin is a very picturesque and warm city. It’s very easy to get around, as they have a very clean train and metrocables public transportation system. Supposedly Uber is illegal here but I didn’t have any issues. Easy Taxi is also popular but I didn’t get a chance to personally use it. If you decide to grab a taxi make sure the meter is turned on.
This city demonstrates the power of negative media representation. A lot of TV shows depict the men as drug dealers and women as sluts willing to fling themselves at any man. There are also a lot of blogs that overhype and sensationalize the city which I think is causing it to be ransacked by hordes of thirsty gringos. In fact I was so scared of getting jacked that I bought a burner phone and clothes of questionable fashion sense. The nicest outfit consisted of a sports jacket and khakis.
My first tour guide of the trip went on a mini rant about Hollywood and Starbucks while showing around different places in the city. He was a bit shady and he took me to a massage parlor and offered to wait outside. I was curious and tempted but declined. The reason being I really wanted to embark on journey of self improvement and not cheat. I got a sense that generally people are quite proud of their city and they like to engage in side hustles. There a quite a bit of Venezuelan refugees so those encounters made me appreciate what I have.
There are all shades of beauty between black and white in Latin America in general.
However I cockblocked myself with bad logistics and bad research. I stayed at a budget hotel with a big honking “No to sex tourists” sign up front. lol
The Laureles area where I stayed has an area called La Setenta. There plenty of bars clubs BUT it was mostly mixed sets and families. I felt like an asshole by myself as some locals gave me weird or dirty looks. There were some friendly dudes that waved me over. It’s hard to explain but I got a sense of foreigner fatigue as I noticed expats and locals were kind of segregated.
I had another tour guide that used to go to university in the area so she gave me a better look at the area including the Unicenro mall. That’s a good spot if you already have a date.
You will get some exotic value if you go outside the El Poblado/ Laureles neighborhoods. There’s not that many Asians aside from a handful of Chinese tech guys and some businessmen. I got a lot of stares and jaw dropping in some of the rougher looking areas including el centro.
The dating was kind of crappy for me. There was a lot of flaking and ghosting from the Cupid site. I did get to eat lunch with a bilingual blonde with a sweet paisa accent but I only walked away with a hug.
My real life approach wasn’t much better. I lone wolfed it to Sante Fe mall. My donde esta el bano level Spanish + google translate didn’t get me very far. All I managed was a pity phone number. I ate at the Asian Wok but it was just Asian inspired fast food.
The next few days were sort of a salvage mission. If I couldn’t get any action I can at least help neutralize some of the negative perceptions for other Asians that might visit.
On my next to last day I had a ratchet tour guide with some interesting tattoos. She offered to teach me to dance at her place which seemed suspicious but did legit taught me some basic salsa, and vallenato. After that she took me random bar hopping in her hood. At one of the dance bars an older gentleman danced with my tour guide but it wasn’t a cockblock, he was trying to show me how to use more hips more. You get to meet some cool people outside of the tourist bubbles.
I found a random Korean place when I was walking around Laureles. The owner of Oppa Asado is a pretty chill dude so I knew I had to help a bruddah out. I introduced my tour guide to soju. Man that girl could drink. She told me it had higher alcohol than the local Aguardiente which itself was basically alcohol and sugar.
She told me some interesting things when she was buzzed. She rambled that she felt bad because she thought people like me ate rats and were very quiet WTF?!? So I just dismissed that as an urban legend. I think the owner and I did a good job to dispel the impression that we’re meek and reserved.
I finished off the trip to a nearby area called Guatape and a big climb-able rock called El Penol. Medellin is great for sightseeing, I took a lot great scenic shots for my dating profiles but unfortunately at the end of the day I didn’t get a bang.
Mexico City, Mexico – mob enforcer
I learned from my prior mistakes in Medellin. I used some of the pics I took in my Medellin trip for Tinder. My Spanish comprehension was a bit better. I was off to a great start as I lined up quite a few dates using Tinder with the passport feature a few weeks prior. I also packed a nice suit and booked less tours.
I was happy to get out of the airport as customs took forever. I explored the La Condesa area for a bit after resting in my room. Tons of Asian restaurants East, Southeast, South there was a Japanese place that had a huge line outside before it even opened.
Prior to my Teotihuacan trip I met a nice older Colombian American couple from North Carolina. They were quite happy to hear about my prior trip to Medellin. I also visited the Guadalupe shrine later that day, some young girls walked right by me and blurted “ooh guapito”. My tour guide just smiled at me.
Next day I practiced doing some day game in the Reforma 222 mall. Didn’t collect as many numbers as I wanted but not bad for a geezer. I felt hungry so I stopped by the Korea town area that was close by. I was quite happy to see a bunch of young Korean dudes with their cute Mexican girlfriends. Chatted with a cutie and her friend but she lost interest when I mentioned I was from the States.
Went home and took a siesta. When I got up I started getting ready to go to a bar to meet a Russian tourist. I felt weird and wound up puking in the shower. Instinctively I pulled down my pants and plopped.down on the toilet. Muthaphukin’ Montezuma AMOGed me.
I was really upset for the rest of the trip. I cancelled the remaining tours and all my dates. I was really pissed at the time but now that I’m typing this up I can laugh about it. Cockblocked by my own poop SMH.
I was really touched by some of the ladies they were really concerned about me. I was pretty much holed up in my hotel only venturing out to get basic food and fluids. One lady actually took the time to stop by to check if I was OK.
Another told me not to worry as sometimes even Mexicans get food poisoning too in their own country. Lol She told me about her own horror story in Los Cabos. She promised she would keep me safe on my next trip back.
Lima, Peru - Kingpin
This trip got off to a bad when the airline lost my luggage and some of my tour guides had to reschedule. Luckily one of the tour guides was a cool dude that also was a bit of a foodie. From gourmet places to hole in the wall joints you’ll find something for your budget and it will be delicious.
I'm going to assume you love Asian fusion so definitely check out any chifa place which is Chinese-Peruvian fusion, and Nikkei which is Japanese-Peruvian. There is a Peruvian dish called Aji de Gallina which tastes like curry chicken so not sure if it was Indian inspired.
I also had chicken fried rice dish that nearly brought a tear to my eye as it tasted very close to the one my grandfather used to make. In fact if you happen to also have Cantonese family you’ll appreciate how well preserved some of the names of the meals are like seeyaukai, chaufa, haa gau etc.
I felt like I entered an alternate dimension where Asians were allowed to flourish, almost like a home away from home. For example you are likely to encounter Wong’s which is kind of like a Peruvian Target and Tai Loy which is like a Peruvian Staples.
One of my tour guides took me to the Barrio Chino and showed me his favorite vegetable stand. When we were snapping pics a young lady snuck up behind us and excitedly spoke fluent Mandarin and decent Cantonese with me. I was going to ask for her contact but then she handed me a Jehovah’s witness pamphlet. Womp womp.
I met a ton of great people including this Taxi beat (Uber alternative) driver. We started the conversation in Spanish but as it turned out he spoke some English and wound up helping each other out with some language exchange. He told me he went to Japan to learn the language (he knew the difference between kanji, katakana and hiragana etc.)
and lived there for awhile.
I also want share some fun experiences. When I was walking to Parque Kennedy a group of university girls went up to me and called me churro and churros. At first I thought it was a slur so I asked one of my tour guides the next day what it meant. He told me not to be offended because “churros” is a slang for handsome. He also taught me another slang word if something unfortunate happens you’re a pina (like the pineapple).
Later that night a spontaneous dance party erupted in the pit area of the park. A lady chatted me up and kept asking if I was Japanese. She then introduced me to her family nearby. The next day a random Peruvian dude complimented me on my suit while I was waiting for my lunch date.
This particular date gave me a glimpse of the internalized racism in Lima. I can’t say how pervasive it is but it was something about the experience that was offputting. She gushed about the German and Italian “boyfriends” that she had before. She had a nice caramel complexion but in her pictures she must have used some light filter.
I also had a great tour guide who was a history buff. I learned about the unfortunate Chinese slavery that existed in Peru, I just assumed the Peruvian Chinese were all descendants from immigrants. Damn conquistadors. I also got a sense that despite the unfortunate legacy of the past any person of color would fit right in and enjoy a true melting pot culture in Lima. He also confided in me he was secretly annoyed by the ugly tourist behavior. He told me about some Instagram "models" that just wanted to take pictures in Barranco and didn’t pay attention to any of the history behind.
Incidentally Barranco is good neighborhood to check out if you are into artsy, hipster or ratchet types.There is a really nice area by the Larcomar mall for a pre-romp or post- romp romantic walk. You get a nice mix of tourists and upscale type ladies. You'll get a nice ocean front view, the Parque de Amor lighthouse and areas for exercise. There were quite a few people doing yoga, tai chi, or chi kung exercises near the parks. Along the bench areas you may also encounter a plaque commemorating a Chinese master Augosto Lee
My favorite experience by far was this sweet lady in her early 20s that worked in real estate. We had a great dinner at Madam Tusan which serves awesome Peruvian inspired Cantonese cuisine. She was savoring every morsel. She told me she dated a Korean boy when she was in high school. One of her good friends is married to a Chinese guy and another friend is dating a Japanese guy. Respect to the Koreans for pushing forward the positive image for Asians. They’re like the gateway drug for other Asians. Lol
We took a nice walk back to my hotel. She was a bit protective she squeezed my hand every time we crossed the streets in the crazy traffic. I had some chocolates on the pillow and I unwrapped one and popped one in her mouth. After that, …well it was a good night. Everything just clicked and went so smoothly. There was mutual adoration and affection. I’m the type of ninja that likes to cuddle, when I wrapped my arms around her I started humming the Chinese national anthem for some reason.
I also have a “the one that got away story”. I met a university student that also gave tours in her spare time. She met up with me after class for a light dinner. She originally wanted to take me the Magic fountains area but it was closed on that day for some reason. She took me on an impromptu tour to some of the neighborhoods. She showed me the Metropolitano system which is kind of like a bus system with it’s own dedicated lane.
She told me I had a cute smile and liked how I looked. I was curious to see how far I could go. She took me back to Miraflores and checked out some clubs on Calle de pizzas. After dancing to Despacito for the 2765th time, I had to call it quits as my age and my 2 moves of doom started catching up to me. I felt worn out at 2:30 in the morning. We went to catch some fresh air and took a nice walk.
She droned on about some psychobabble at this point I started to zone out. I put my hand around her, caressing her shoulder. I kissed her on the side of the head. When I went to hold her hand she gently pulled her herself away from me and told me “It’s ok you don’t need me to be happy”. That was probably the nicest most profound rejection I’ve ever gotten.
On the plane ride back I finally got a chance to check Crazy Rich Asians with Spanish subtitles. My opinion is that it was a mediocre rom-com but at least it pushes the variety of optics for Asian men. I also thought the Spanish translation of the title was interesting “Locamente milionarios”. It shifts the focus off of race ad on to character and class.
Overall impressions
What I appreciate about “travel gaming” (not sure if there is a term for this) is the shift to a more abundant positive mindset. It gave me the freedom to be uninhibited and be the best version of myself. Age also wasn’t a factor, it took away another excuse not to overcome any initial approach anxiety. I felt like I was in my 20s again.
The level of intimacy was really enjoyable. I really appreciated all the tender moments. Instead of the empty feeling from a random hookup, there was something else even though sometimes it was just romance for the day or a mini-girlfriend experience.
It was quite pleasing to not be emotionally attached to any one person. If I got rejected and got flaked on I shrugged it off and just kept looking for the next opportunity. Being able to improvise and thinking on my feet while unfazed was a big confidence boost. For example whenever there was a language barrier I used a lot of facial expressions, body language and pantomiming to achieve faster escalation.
Damn this wound up being a long ass post with warts and all. I can almost hear the snickering at the missteps but I wanted to document my progression and it helps keep me accountable. I’m just a geezer stumbling around, I can’t imagine the kind of bodycounts you animals can or have already racked up.
Future plans
For my second round of trips I want to redeem myself in Mexico City, and Medellin.
I also want to be more time efficient, day game is fun but isn’t a good return on effort and time for me. Maybe limit it to high probability, incidental prospects.
Going forward I will adjust my “Approach macros” to 50% online/ 30% nightgame/ 20% daygame
I also need to improve my language and dance skills sufficiently to start exploring smaller cities that haven’t been overrun by tourists. Looking further out, once my Spanish is decent I want to work on Portuguese since there is some overlap so I can enjoy Brazil.
Maybe in the future I will share some Google maps but there's really no substitute for boots on the ground recon. There are so many things to optimize and refine. Personally I thought I had peaked but globally I haven’t reached my max potential and left so much opportunity on the table.

Resources
Spanish with Paul
https://www.youtube.com/uselearnspanishvideos
Coreano Vlogs
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsR7mvxkZ2GeENRqR6z7P_g/videos
Alpham
Asian dude makeover 1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haxMPnuFUi4&list=PLyqPLT4V7ooLJ5YeeRcxcA30Mk-_MZAHH&index=5
Asian dude makeover 2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFte47A6xKk&list=PLyqPLT4V7ooLJ5YeeRcxcA30Mk-_MZAHH&index=14
Asian dude makeover 3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmvS7rxcn9I
Asian (Southasian) dude makeover 4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvbsEYoQF1A
Hoang fit,
https://www.instagram.com/hoangfit/
gentwithin
https://www.instagram.com/thegentwithin/
Athlean-X bodyweight exercises
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2nerwXm9d4&list=PLRS2DE4P39EdCAYKkWqPfd9b6ZeNodzz2
Flag strategy
https://calebjonesblog.com/overview-of-how-five-flags-works/

TLDR – If you feel boxed in or limited in your current location it may be worth it to just change the scenery. You might discover something wonderful both externally and about yourself. In my case it’s the Latin America region but for you it might Europe, Africa, heck maybe back in our native Asia. Stay strong my hermanos asiaticos and keep enjoying life!!!
submitted by Goldenkingpin to AsianMasculinity [link] [comments]


2019.02.01 19:00 Kingem125 Am I wrong for wanting to fall in love and I expecting too. much

Ok reddit I turned 24 last month.... I have tried internet dating and all but it just led to catfishes and some bummed out situations..... I've tried tinder. Hot or not and I've tried ok cupid but I don't know it was just catfished hookups with emotionally damaged women.
I've been in like one real relationship that was a waste of my time I honestly did it for all the wrong reasons.
I have been hit on by women of all types even very out of my league ones yet I'm too insecure to remain calm and make appropriate moves. Also I'm a bit socially ackword and very fidgety. Maybe t ab anxiety thing.
I used to use drugs and drink alot. Lately I've been Using lsd to help motivate me and make my self feel better and more motivated to loose weight.
It has worked so far but it's only been a few days of dieting... I've lost almost 1 pound I'm not real heavy but I'm just heavy enough to make me feel more worn out and agrivate my fibromyalgia and my narcolepsy a fair bit which I feel is very come and go.i have periods of feeling achy and tired. I plan on tripping more in the future but not really a ton I feel there is still more to be explored.
I'm trying to fix myself in the interim. Before I go to any singles event type things because I have a level of confidence but it's not high.its basicly crap when it comes to women. It's because I've come to realize I'm addicted to feeling wound up about my weight.
I wanna loose the weight and slowly buy smaller clothes and eat healthier and healthier when I loose more and more weight.
I also have just no motivation or energy to get out of my bad habit slump...
I'm planning on loosing this weight I just for once wanna feel like a beautiful woman when she looks in the mirror before she goes out in her new dress when i look in the mirrior and smiles. Yet I would like to be a hetero male version.
I understand my weight is a big part of my issues plus not having moved out is very embarrassing to me plus my folk are just completely weird and a turn off to say the least.
Also I feel like I'm more of a softy and i feel that I'm one to fall in love and i fear meeting someone who can't take my give you the world or what ever to see you happy attitude twords dating.
I know I have a lot to offer and I know I'm a very sincere person, I also know I'm not good with very abrasive people, and I don't want to make women feel like I'm wasting there time by being more of a softy leaning a little bit alpha like alpha to beta I'm 40/60 if that makes any sense.
My whole plan is to
1) lose weight (and permintly keep it off) & feel better 2)slowly improve my wardrobe 3) force my self into better habits 4)get car detailed 5)get my beard professionally styled 6) get pics taken for my internet dating profiles 7)I wanna also join an activities group 8)finish lyrics and finally record music 9)calm down and be less irrationally anxious 10) meditate daily starting at some point 11)perminatly quit vaping 12)stay caffine free 13)join an outdoor activities group
My last concerns are various but firstly...
when I imagine falling in love I imagine an asian or a latina woman in 8/10 scenarios in my head. I imagine her also to be like your average skinny to a bit curvy like as women say the hourglass body type but not very over weight.
I'm not at all opposed to dating other races but I'm Afraid I'll miss out on potential dates because of that.
I'm also afraid that I may be a hint too hung up on that and not care and just go on with some one and not be able to just be myself over some stupid stuff...
Also I'm not really into just having sex early on I wanna wait I lost my virginity to total scum who's not worthy of my seed or my time even...i have also slept with descently good looking chicks too
I'm afraid I can't find a woman who is nice yet not hung up on religion. I mean I'm catholic but I feel it in essence but not going to church and prayer groups and all.
I really at the end of the day wanna kill this dumb urge to just tell a girl I love her and say it early and ruin things. I didn't in my one relationship but still.
I mostly want a friend to hang with and be able to hold and to be able to spoil and make her all smiley and happy. I want the kind of friend who's very much motivational and I can laugh and cry with.
I know its work but I'm very motivated by love interests /love I feel. So I feel like it's the type of work I need.
In all this I fear I'm not a good conversationalist not horrible but not overly honed in it yet.
I feel I could do well with some work I. I know I have the following to offer
1)my intelligence 2)very strict commitment 3)i tend to be very compassionate 4)I'm very open minded 5)I'm very open and sincere 6)I'm a general hard worker 7)i always have alot to talk about 8)I'm considerate and ultra compassionate 9)my creativity (I guess)
I don't know guys it's the waiting and wondering why I feel like this that's killing me. the more I think about this the sadder I feel as in I feel like I'm trapped by doubt.
But I'm pissed off cus I know I can do this and be successful but my dear isnt rooted in anything but me being very escapist and avoid things with nonsense type attitudes it's just frustrating.
Auctually doing it freaks me out into a borderline panic.
I know I need to do it for me and the lover will come if I just put out the right branches once I feel good and am happier and have a sliglty less work centric life.
Also if I put out good vibes in a confident manner people will believe I love my self because I'm so confident in it that they cannot, not believe.
I really dont know I just need a little bit of insite and some advice I guess on all of this
submitted by Kingem125 to helpme [link] [comments]


2017.09.26 17:33 ligerboy123 from rehab with love 2

Ill recap what i do remember. I remember driving back from a concert in san francisco and passing out at the wheel probably 30 times to the sound of almost running off the road. I remember doing acid with my friends a few times and attempting to bring back some of the old. I remember an amazing night when i had managed to sober up just enough that i could actually function taking MDMA with some friends and deciding to get tattoos that i love, and watching the square and crying as we watched it. I remember having a fake marriage to my 2 best friends while the other was off getting high alone. I remember burning american flags on the beach on 4th of july. I remember hiding in a lot of bathrooms to get high. I remember stealing from my parents, and selling what i stole. I remember stealing my grandma's pills. I remember the faces of all my friends who couldn’t stop if they wanted to and the desperation in people's voices as they asked me to drop off some more or drive out to them when you were withdrawing and couldn’t get to me. I don’t remember ever feeling an emotion as i did these things.
This life i lived is one i wish on noone, i no longer knew what i was doing i just did. My life was consumed by drugs. I think the only time i ever felt anywhere near all right was at punk shows and house concerts when i could just get drunk and feel alright with myself. Cause just about any other point i was so fucked up by the end of the night by such a mad concoction of drugs people worried for my life. My life was a mess. My friends were mainly just people id use with at this point. One day i was at a house with a girl who i had a somewhat romantic relationship with she was one of the most beautiful women i have ever met. We were at her parents house getting high in her room. She only smoked so i was smoking with her for several hours. I went into her bathroom at one point and did a shot of xanax i don’t remember how much but enough to instantly blackout. I don’t remember what happened but apparently i stole all the adderall she was getting prescribed while she was asleep. I then proceeded to go steal a piece of jewelry from her parents worth about $3,000. I know i actually stole this because apparently i went to the pawn shop and went and sold the jewelry to them.
Before i ever even found out about this i got kicked out of my house. I had no where solid left to live in that town any longer so i contacted a friend who lived about 8 hours north of me and asked if i could head up there and stay with him for a while. He was stoked to have me and i thought i would actually be able to sober up when i got there. I had about 300 mg of xanax left my idea was to use the xanax to wean myself down and to stave off heroin withdrawal. I went up there with about $800 in my pocket and thought hell i don't know anyone up there i can't get high if i can't get it. So i left my old life behind i quit the job i was working at and took off ( oh ya i never mentioned i was working at a high end restaurant at this point but was not doing well with how fucked up i was). I woke up in withdraws that morning did a shot of just a few mg of xanax much less than i was use to and started my drive. It was a miserable drive what should of taken about 8 hours took me atleast 10 cause i had to stop several times to be sick. I pulled into town probably about 8pm and needed to get high like right now. Right as i pulled into town what do you know a drug addicts heaven a 24 hour mcdonalds. Pulled in and there were 2 people out from who were obviously drug addicts. I was high in under 10 minutes of entering town. I found heroin so fast it made my head spin and i was off on another run.
Well needless to say i didn't’ do great up there i ended up buying more xanax and selling it to the local drug addicts . It was a party town as well and my friend was in college so i pretty much just partied every god damn night i was there. The only job i ever got was trimming weed while i was up there. Good money but i would just smoke it all up. Quickly my addiction got right back to the point of there is never enough to make myself feel alright. I was suffering from pretty severe depression and was shooting up large sums of heroin and xanax to make myself feel better. I started to have to steal to get my fix. I was stealing from people i loved again. The close friends i had made while there were my tools to get high once again. Its pretty fucked up when you still love someone you still think them a friend and want the best for them but as soon as the mental obsession of addiction kicks in you you care little for their well being. Then after you steal from them and screw them over you fall into self pity and remorse and perpetuate your own addiction. It feeds itself and makes itself worse and stronger. Well after several months of living making friends stealing from them buying drugs maybe sharing if it was lsd of ecstasy and partying i was kicked out yet again.
So i packed up and moved back to my little town. On my way back my family told me the only way they would help me was to send me detox and then sober living. I fought it at first they had an intervention with me i listened to about one person talk to me and told them to go and fuck themselves as i walked out. Well i broke down and went to detox. Of course i had to get high first so i stole some jewelry from my grandma and bought a 3 pack of heroin and did the last of the xanax i had left (about 20mg) got fucked up as hell and went in. the withdraws i had were fucking terrible shaking and vomiting. Coming off of benzos is really not a fun thing. So for a week i was in detox pretty much just chain smoking (don’t smoke). When i got out i went home for christmas then entered into a sober living.
So for anyone trying to get clean sober living is a joke i pissed clean to get in and thought “man i just need to get a job and to have some responsibility” well i got a job and then a second job in about a week i was working construction during the day and as a cook at nights. I did start going to meetings though i was going to the NA meeting in my area. I could relate to the stories and could relate to not wanting to use. I could even share fairly well and played off that i was doing the work pretty damn well. However i quickly found the guy in the house getting high and joined him before long we were both using the bathroom back to back to get loaded. We would sneak out at night and go pick up a sack. I took a dirty 30 day chip while i was there and i faked 2 drug tests back to back with a whizzinator. But one day as i came back from work they asked to drug test and i didn’t have it on so i got kicked out and quickly the person i was using with. So there i was back on the streets i was living out of my car i still had work so i would go to work and sell drugs to stay high.
I moved back in with a friend who i used to live with earlier on he had got his own house by now. He was still dating that stupid bitch of a girlfriend that i still need to make amends to. I was using still maybe not as much as before but still to much and every day without fail. He had a girl who moved in with him because she was family to one of my other best friends. When she was moving her stuff in she came in and looked at me loaded on the couch and asked if i would help her move some stuff in and she would pay me in heroin. I mean who can pass up that deal right (most people). Within a few weeks before i ended up stealing a check from his cousin and cashing it for drugs. My best friends all told me they no longer wanted to talk to me and to just stay the fuck out of there life so i went on a fucking binge.
I was able to hold this up for a short while but i soon found myself stealing from the restaurant i was working at. I got fired from my job in construction and right after at my job cooking. I took my cash and went to go pick up a sack. When i was waiting on my dealer i was sitting inside a starbucks. The cops walked into just to buy a coffee and when they looked over and saw me the immediately recognized me i guess i had a warrant out for my arrest for stealing the jewelry from my friends parents. When they searched me they found several needles some suboxone and some xanax. So here comes my first stay in jail. I was charged with grand theft for theft of an item over $950 and they had solid proof cause i had sold it at the pawn shop like a fucking idiot. I got 60 days with half in jail. So after 30 days i was turned out with no desire to stop i re- entered into sober living and used the whole time i was shooting people up who didn’t want to do it themselves. I started stealing from my family again and was quickly kicked out of there.
I was back living in my car. I started to steal out of cars to get funds for my addiction. I would only steal from cars that left their doors unlocked but i would still walk away with a few hundred dollars a night which would all go into my arm and into my mouth in a matter of 2 or 3 days. Soon i got arrested again and i spent about 2 weeks in jail for attempting to break into the car i got charged with a probation violation. Lets try this sober living thing one more time right maybe for the 3rd time it will work (insanity).
I entered sober living and a outpatient treatment facility. The night i got out i got high. I had found a gram or so of heroin and a needle that was still loaded in my car that i had lost at some point. I passed the drug test to get into sober living and was high literally 10 minutes later. I was attending meetings and going to outpatient treatment and everywhere i went people thought i had a grip on things they thought i was doing very well in my recovery. I lied about my location just about every time i went out of sober living i was late every night when i came home. I soon moved sober livings to a sober living with a much better reputation. I got clean before i got into the sober living. So i passed the drug test to get in and started using again immediately. It was slowly getting harder and harder to just get out of bed in the morning. I was so completely depressed i wanted to die by this point i hated everyone and everything i just wanted to get high and sleep. If i was awake i was miserable. Well i lasted about 3 weeks faking drug tests before i got caught. At this point my grandma took me in she thought she could keep me sober i guess witch was a fucking joke. I was ordering xanax, DMT, LSD, and Fentanyl to her house. I used constantly while she tried to keep an eye on me. I found a job and quickly got fired for no real reason though probably because i was high at work. Than i got a job that i loved one of my favorite jobs i've ever had. I was living with my grandma and this gay guy who was also trying to be controlling of me ( i say gay just as a reference i actually liked him alot). They tried to control my money and where i went, of course i just turned back to my extremely manipulative ways. They were ok with me drinking and smoking weed so i just got fucked up every night and did fentanyl so if they decided to drug test i would be clean.
Well i ended up getting arrested at one point for stealing from a tip jar and got a petty theft and was help over the weekend. I didn’t work that weekend so i was right back to work. My grandma thought i was doing well at this point i don't know how. I yelled at her and her roommate just about every fucking day. Yet still they got me my medical card they opened the door to me and i managed to not steal from them i had finally gotten over that habit of stealing from my family at least right. Small progress in the light of where i was headed. My grandma made me go see a therapist while i was staying and i was using maybe not extremely heavily but was still using. He told me he knew i would do well because the way i talked about addiction and recovery were the ways only someone doing recovery could talk about it. However i had never worked a step in my life. He did however talk to my grandpa and get him back in my life and i will forever be grateful to that therapist for doing that for me. I guess it goes to show how good addicts of any kind can act if it means helping the addiction.
My grandma was supposed to leave for several month and she wanted me to rent one of the rooms with her roommate while she was gone. That plan was going all right till one night when her roommate decided to try and argue about how much i would pay for rent when i was coming home from work and fairly drunk. I ended up yelling at him and shoving him out of my way trying to get to bed. My grandma came out because of the screaming and i was fucking done with it. About 2 days later i moved out and moved in with some friends who lived on the other end of town. It was a party house where they through shows and there was constantly a bunch of people over. I lived with my friend who was the first person to ever give me heroin which i was ok with he was one of the nicest people i knew. I was sleeping on a couch and there were 2 others sleeping in the living room with me also there were 4 others living in the house. I quickly went right back to large quantities of heroin and started to drink daily. Every day when i got off work i would grab a 64 ounce beer from the tap and drink it before i clocked out. Then i would stop on the way home and steal some grey goose and a few 12 packs of beer. Everyone in the house drank so it was just easier to drink than do anything else. I don't really know how i felt while living there i was constantly exhausted and fucked up. I really just remember feeling emotionless.
I use to sit in my car out front and shoot up before coming inside or wait for a sack with my friend. Although i did enjoy some aspects of life, my grandpa and i were seeing each other and flying drones together again and we were both getting good at it. He knew i wasn’t doing well but he loved me and as long as i wasn’t super fucked up around him he was willing to spend that time with me. I always looked forward to those moments. But even the best of times is not good enough motivation to keep you sober. The friend i was living with found a girlfriend who was only 16 and she was a very nice girl however it was definitely weird. But i guess they were both just feeding off each other she was using him to get high he was using her for emotional support. Anyways i use to get him heroin all the time and i knew she was getting high too. Back at the house things were the same an endless stream of alcohol and people. Work was the same i had started to go over to my bosses house with a co-worker of ours and drink beer and play Magic the Gathering for hours on end.
Around the end of november the house i was living changed drastically. My friend got kicked out the other person living in the living room moved out, and one of the rooms opened up. So i started renting that room. This was probably one of the more depressing times in my life. I had found some new dealers who were getting straight from the border so i started to deal again but a lot more efficiently than before. I was picking up about a ounce a day of witch i was using around 3 grams a day of. My xanax use was back to being out of control blacking out being the usual case. I thought i was functioning fine because somehow fucked up me thrives in kitchens. I will do a night with 200 people without a mistake so if i can still function how could i possible have a problem. Also i can still drive fairly good. Of course their was also that time i stole that car when blacked out and drove it around for several days picking up sacks and eating xanax like candy. I had gotten so fucked up that night i had broken my arm and didn’t realize it for 2 days till i came to my senses a little and realized i couldn’t move it.
My drug use started to get so bad i was having a hard time functioning so i started to use cocaine to keep myself awake. Not that it was much against heroin but i could do a shot of it and it would keep me awake long enough to go drop off my next sack. I guess at some point in here my friends girlfriend almost overdosed and had to go to the hospital. I could reason with myself that i had not given her the drugs and that she was alright now. I also just really didn’t care because i was so fucked up all the time. Well my boss started to notice how often i was “using the restroom” and knew exactly what that meant. He told me i needed to get some help and get sober or he was going to fire me.
My friend ended up getting arrested for warrants i guess he had out for him for a while for probation violations. So he was out of the picture i was on my last string at work and i was living in a room alone. I woke up every morning in withdraw shitting myself and throwing up. I use to have to mix my morning shot on the toilet as my guts were spilling out of me from both ends but as soon as i did that shot i was fine. There were several times i was driving to my deals house throwing up out my door as i was driving. Mixing up a shot while i'm vomiting looking up for half a second just to register because i couldn’t stop throwing up. My cocaine use was getting up there to i was barely making enough sales to support my own addiction and i ended up going and stealing from cars to pay my rent and buy some booze for parties. Well this went on for a while and i started to look into rehabs in my area. I had a friend of mine send me a list of rehabs and found 2 or 3 i thought sounded good and was going to go at the beginning of next month down to one. It was the end of January and i was asleep in bed at about 4.30 in the morning when i get a call for my friends girlfriend crying begging me to come get her well she was in withdraws she told me she would give me 10 bucks and a couple valium. I really didn’t want to go i had just picked up another sack and had already eaten like a 25mg mix of xanax and klonopin. But i got my ass out of bed and drove over there i pulled out the new batch that i had got that day and hadn’t broken into yet. I gave her about a .1 and did a .5 for myself. I mixed a little bit of coke in with mine so i would be able to drive back home. The next thing i remember is being woken up by the cops with a needle still in my arm. She was overdosing in my passenger seat and didn’t respond as i screamed her name. I was hardly coherent. They told me she was alive and that i was fucked then took me to jail.
I was in the holding cell from 6 in the morning till 6 at night. I remember none of it i was nodded out the whole time i was fucked up as hell in my intake picture. I told them when i came in i was withdrawing from benzos. They got me to the doctors that night. And when i told them how much benzos i was taking on a daily bases they didn’t believe me i weighed about 135 pounds and am 6” tall. They thought i was fucking with them but had no choice but to put me on a taper down system. So for 4 weeks they tapered me off benzos with klonopin starting at 2 mg 3 times a day. Even that i didn’t feel whatsoever. I threw up every meal they fed me for the first week i was in there till finally i could eat again. I spent 11 months in jail and my court case went on for 7 months before we came to a deal. While i was in there i managed to sober up and actually enjoy myself. I was having money put on my books i could have bought drugs if i had wanted them but i had no desire. While in there i met a pastor called john and although i wasn’t fully on board with the whole christian thing and i don’t know if i ever will be i did start praying just to stop having dreams of using. And slowly they past. I made some very good friends while i was in there, and got really good at handball
When finally my court case was over i was sentenced to 2 years with half in county and a 1 year residential drug treatment. While i was in there i got reconnected with my old day care providers from when i was a kid. It had been years since i had seen them. And they did amazing things for me they helped me in ways they will never know. They gave me a place to live when i got out. And when i got out i did move in for a short while before i got to rehab. I spent a month waiting to get into rehab and in that month i started to go to church it didn’t really speak to me that much but it was a good community i was apart of and i appreciated that. I had good times with my family. And something happened i thought was a lost hope, my friends came back. The girl i loved had found a new boyfriend and was no longer using while her ex was still out there using. My hard working mexican friend was back to just drinking a lot and the new boyfriend ended up being a really great guy. I contacted her when i got out and she came over and met me. We had an amazing night and the next night i met her boyfriend and we went and saw a movie together. The next day we went to a concert and my other friend rode with us it was weird at first because he still didn’t want to talk to me but quickly all of us were right back to our old selves. I felt that friendship we had lost through drugs come back right away and although it may not have being perfect it was a true comfort. Than i met my girlfriend, of all places on OK cupid. I had no intention of meeting a girlfriend but as i said earlier in this story sometimes you can't control how you feel about someone. We went on our first date and i knew i loved her pretty much right away. We were only together a couple days though before i had to leave to rehab.
So recovery is weird and amazing and fun. I act more ridiculous and have more fun now than i ever did getting high. When i got to rehab i put on my happy face and was just ready to act it out, that's not what happened. When i got here i couldn’t tell my elbow from my asshole but i could tell a dime from a 20 sack. I was good at acting though really good at it. I was “happy” all the time i was loud and made a lot of jokes at the expense of others and somehow fell right into the crowd here that was actually doing a lot of work in their recovery. The program i'm at told me to get a sponsor so i got a sponsor a few days after i got here. Before i did them i thought the steps were pointless i truly thought self knowledge was the answer to my problems. I just assumed if i understood my problem i could see what was causing it and stay away from it. But alcohol and drugs are so cunning baffling and powerful i don't think anyone fully understands it. So i read the first 60 pages of Alcoholics Anonymous and started on my steps. I didn’t understand what i was doing while i did them like at all. However i did them to the best of my ability i didn’t have a whole lot else to do. I did my 4th step and hed about 140 people on my resentments sheet, well i soon realized why we did the resentments and it has nothing to do with what people have done to you, it takes a whole knew perspective on things and does not allow for you to twist it to make you look good. You own your part now no more hiding it'd be fucking scary if i knew what i was doing when i started it but i will say that was the most worthwhile thing i've ever done in my life.
I had made a lot of friends in here and the things that have happened to us is far stranger than what happened to me in normal life. That is probably because we can act ridiculous and be ourselves because we don’t have anything to hide. We had rooms with 5 people in them and the bed next to me was owned by who is one of the better friends i have ever know Adam (he requested on being named). I had many other friends but he was normally who i would go out with and who could act even stranger than i could. I remember one day we were walking down the street yelling at tweakers and this chick walked to up and straight looked at us and asked him if he wanted to go with her. She was obviously high on something like LSD or mushrooms. I mean she was a cute little latina chick with glasses and her butt hanging out of her shorts what else would you do so needles to say he ditched me. I was signed out with him cause i was earlier in the program and need to sign out with someone to go out. Well somehow he got laid and we managed to make it back separately without getting noticed. However he got put on a relationship contract because he was seen with her and you are not supposed to be in a relationship.
Well my relationship is still going and from the day i got here i started to write her letters every night and after 30 days when i could use the phone i started to call her as well. This was a seriously hard relationship but somehow we have made it work. She told me from the start how much she respected my recovery and has not stepped that boundary the whole time. But i will say that i have seen in this program a lot of good people go out because something happened between them and their lady. I was lucky to have her though she has kept my head focused plenty of times when i would have otherwise drifted off. I truly believe whatever is out there put us together at this point on purpose.
So i did my step work my sponsor took me through them really fast. I did my fifth step which i really didn’t realize how much that would do for me but i actually felt a lot of relief from doing it. 6 and 7 was a few days later my sponsor said that's were he felt the release but i felt mine around 9. On 9 it seemed mechanical at first like i was just printing out amends in a very robotic way. But as i started to get responses to them they started to mean more and more to me. Obviously i have fucked over a lot of people throughout my addiction. It was incredibly strange to get responses to amends from people i just assumed would never get a response from or who would tell me to fuck off and have them be super positive. A Lot of people owned their end of it. However i also have friends i thought would forgive me who told me not to ever contact them again. Tell you what though even those amends felt good because it was never about the response it was that i need to see how i act, how i react, how selfish i've being, and how i have always held contempt before investigation on everything in my life. Nothing can hold us back in this program more than a attitude of intolerance or indifference . "There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which can not fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation." --HERBERT SPENCER
Well soon enough i found myself actually enjoying life, it was no longer a show and i no longer had to live the incredibly tiring life of acting it out. Now i should make something clear this in no way means i am a model citizen i still love to act like an idiot. But not looking over your shoulder for the cops cause you know you aren't breaking any laws definitely helps. And being happy doesn’t mean i'm always in a super good mood, everyone who knows me knows to not talk to me in the morning until i've had a cup of coffee in my system and really probably not before like 10-11 am i going to actually seem human. However people who have known me for awhile also know i'm nothing like what i use to be in a good way. The 10th and 11th step changed a lot about the way i act in situations. I was never someone who would have told you i was wrong while someone is screaming in my face or thank you for doing your job as you hand me piece of paper saying i am in trouble and just own that i fucked up. Although i'm not perfect and i still get caught in it from time to time, i was never someone who would have just walked about while people were gossiping about someone else. Today i don't care the only inventory i can take is my own i can be there for you to vent to and take your own inventory out loud but it's not my job to make assumptions.
As for the 11th step i've meditated through most of my life but to make it a practice to do first thing when i wake up in the morning as really changed a lot about myself. To when i'm in a stressful situation give it up realize i have no control over who you are or how you act and just pray for the strength to take the next right step in life. There is also the matter of doing a nightly inventory which is usually about the last thing when i am dead tired crawling into bed but for some reason it keeps me in the moment and i notice when i don’t do it. Essentially i have no clue how the steps work other than allow you to see you for who you really are and invite the growth you need. And to keep you realizing that the growth is never done. It is a life time of spiritual growth.
Well i have made a lot of friends in rehab and i got through the steps in about 60 days. So now i'm stuck on 12 cause i can’t sponsor anyone for the year i am in rehab. This may be a good thing though cause until recently i really don’t know if i was ready. However while here Adam and i took over a big book study about 3 months in. i am fairly well spoken when it comes to public speaking, so why not. I would be lying if i said it went off without a hitch. However we quickly saw more of our character defects and how we hold/portray ourselves. It gave us the perfect opportunity to grow in that way and we did quite quickly. I have a far better knowledge of the big book now than i ever imagined i would in my life. I get what they say now when a sponsor tells you he learns more from you and you help him (or her) more than they help you. In that book study i have no idea how much i've helped people but i know being responsible for that has pushed me to study, find history behind things find out about bill wilson's crazy past and push farther down that rabbit hole endlessly. And more than anything i get excited doing it, it is about the farthest thing from work i can imagine.
This program has done more for me though than just step work. Although step work is the most important thing that has happened while i've being here. They have given me a safe place to work on myself in so many different aspects. They make you take different kinds of classes while you are here, codependency class was probably my favorite one, pretty much we got to learn how to deal with crazy ass people. And at the end of the class we had a beautiful display from one of the crazy residents here who was in class with us. He some how managed to display every sort of thing that we had talked about as crazy people in a matter of 10 minutes. I think everyone got super uncomfortable but i fucking loved it and thought it was about the funniest thing ever. But that class just solidified things i had already being learning about this complex crazy thing we call human interaction. There are millions of different personality types in the world and i have had to learn to just accept them for what they are and do my best to not get resentful at someone just because they are sick mentally or spiritually in some way or another i'm no better i'm sick in my very own way. This program has really taught me a lot about accepting the world, my whole life i have upset at the state of the world constantly thinking what can i do about it. I have learned the only thing i can do is to live the way i want the world to be and hope it rubs off on a person or two. Show love where there is no love and show hope for the future when things seem so bleak cause the only thing we can do is look for the next right step. I like to think of life like rock climbing when you are on a sheer cliff surface you can’t always see the whole picture you can only look for the next grip to pull you up.
Now i don’t always take the next right step sometimes i slip. Like when i was going on a home pass. I told the rehab i was going to my family's house when instead i was actually going to San Fransisco to go spend the weekend with my girlfriend. Honestly it was one of the most amazing weekends of my life when i was in it. I have never had a sober vacation like that before. It was great in the moment because i am good at enjoying the moment now, however coming home was different. The second i walked in the door i was overwhelmed by a sense of shame. The next day i had to tell on myself, this program gives a lot of slack they just ask you don’t lie when directly asked something. I couldn’t lie and that is about the weirdest thing ever to me, my whole life has being me lying to every person around me my family, friends, co-workers if you were around me i lied. Today i feel so much shame in lying because i have finally experienced the feeling of not having anything to hide. I'd rather tell the truth and suffer some level of consequence than live with the feeling of hiding my whole life.
I still deal with lots of things here there are people here who bug the living hell out of me. I am one of the dinner cooks here we feed 45 guys in the house and about 120 homeless a night. The cooking actually is fun the hard part is having the kitchen manager over my shoulder all the time stressing out. Or the guy who when you tell him something annoys you he continues to push that button endlessly. Or the guy who insists he is right on every subject even when he has absolutely no clue what he is talking about. There is also seperation from my girlfriend that is not easy it's hard to rarely ever get to see her not that i don’t ever get to see her but it's like a weekend out of a month. Why she stays with me i have no clue. There is obviously a desire to work but where i am at i have about a month and a half till i can get a job. I guess what this program has done for me is learn to accept things the way they are. To realize its not my job to fix things in the world no matter how much i would like to. Also to see that i can only change my actions and responses to things, to ask what can i bring to the situation not say it's their fault or job. Recovery has taught me to ask for help, to daily check and see if i'm holding anything back, and to ask for help when i need it. I can do my best with recovery.
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2017.09.25 17:46 ligerboy123 my story part 2

Ill recap what i do remember. I remember driving back from a concert in san francisco and passing out at the wheel probably 30 times to the sound of almost running off the road. I remember doing acid with my friends a few times and attempting to bring back some of the old. I remember an amazing night when i had managed to sober up just enough that i could actually function taking MDMA with some friends and deciding to get tattoos that i love, and watching the square and crying as we watched it. I remember having a fake marriage to my 2 best friends while the other was off getting high alone. I remember burning american flags on the beach on 4th of july. I remember hiding in a lot of bathrooms to get high. I remember stealing from my parents, and selling what i stole. I remember stealing my grandma's pills. I remember the faces of all my friends who couldn’t stop if they wanted to and the desperation in people's voices as they asked me to drop off some more or drive out to them when you were withdrawing and couldn’t get to me. I don’t remember ever feeling an emotion as i did these things.
This life i lived is one i wish on noone, i no longer knew what i was doing i just did. My life was consumed by drugs. I think the only time i ever felt anywhere near all right was at punk shows and house concerts when i could just get drunk and feel alright with myself. Cause just about any other point i was so fucked up by the end of the night by such a mad concoction of drugs people worried for my life. My life was a mess. My friends were mainly just people id use with at this point. One day i was at a house with a girl who i had a somewhat romantic relationship with she was one of the most beautiful women i have ever met. We were at her parents house getting high in her room. She only smoked so i was smoking with her for several hours. I went into her bathroom at one point and did a shot of xanax i don’t remember how much but enough to instantly blackout. I don’t remember what happened but apparently i stole all the adderall she was getting prescribed while she was asleep. I then proceeded to go steal a piece of jewelry from her parents worth about $3,000. I know i actually stole this because apparently i went to the pawn shop and went and sold the jewelry to them.
Before i ever even found out about this i got kicked out of my house. I had no where solid left to live in that town any longer so i contacted a friend who lived about 8 hours north of me and asked if i could head up there and stay with him for a while. He was stoked to have me and i thought i would actually be able to sober up when i got there. I had about 300 mg of xanax left my idea was to use the xanax to wean myself down and to stave off heroin withdrawal. I went up there with about $800 in my pocket and thought hell i don't know anyone up there i can't get high if i can't get it. So i left my old life behind i quit the job i was working at and took off ( oh ya i never mentioned i was working at a high end restaurant at this point but was not doing well with how fucked up i was). I woke up in withdraws that morning did a shot of just a few mg of xanax much less than i was use to and started my drive. It was a miserable drive what should of taken about 8 hours took me atleast 10 cause i had to stop several times to be sick. I pulled into town probably about 8pm and needed to get high like right now. Right as i pulled into town what do you know a drug addicts heaven a 24 hour mcdonalds. Pulled in and there were 2 people out from who were obviously drug addicts. I was high in under 10 minutes of entering town. I found heroin so fast it made my head spin and i was off on another run.
Well needless to say i didn't’ do great up there i ended up buying more xanax and selling it to the local drug addicts . It was a party town as well and my friend was in college so i pretty much just partied every god damn night i was there. The only job i ever got was trimming weed while i was up there. Good money but i would just smoke it all up. Quickly my addiction got right back to the point of there is never enough to make myself feel alright. I was suffering from pretty severe depression and was shooting up large sums of heroin and xanax to make myself feel better. I started to have to steal to get my fix. I was stealing from people i loved again. The close friends i had made while there were my tools to get high once again. Its pretty fucked up when you still love someone you still think them a friend and want the best for them but as soon as the mental obsession of addiction kicks in you you care little for their well being. Then after you steal from them and screw them over you fall into self pity and remorse and perpetuate your own addiction. It feeds itself and makes itself worse and stronger. Well after several months of living making friends stealing from them buying drugs maybe sharing if it was lsd of ecstasy and partying i was kicked out yet again.
So i packed up and moved back to my little town. On my way back my family told me the only way they would help me was to send me detox and then sober living. I fought it at first they had an intervention with me i listened to about one person talk to me and told them to go and fuck themselves as i walked out. Well i broke down and went to detox. Of course i had to get high first so i stole some jewelry from my grandma and bought a 3 pack of heroin and did the last of the xanax i had left (about 20mg) got fucked up as hell and went in. the withdraws i had were fucking terrible shaking and vomiting. Coming off of benzos is really not a fun thing. So for a week i was in detox pretty much just chain smoking (don’t smoke). When i got out i went home for christmas then entered into a sober living.
So for anyone trying to get clean sober living is a joke i pissed clean to get in and thought “man i just need to get a job and to have some responsibility” well i got a job and then a second job in about a week i was working construction during the day and as a cook at nights. I did start going to meetings though i was going to the NA meeting in my area. I could relate to the stories and could relate to not wanting to use. I could even share fairly well and played off that i was doing the work pretty damn well. However i quickly found the guy in the house getting high and joined him before long we were both using the bathroom back to back to get loaded. We would sneak out at night and go pick up a sack. I took a dirty 30 day chip while i was there and i faked 2 drug tests back to back with a whizzinator. But one day as i came back from work they asked to drug test and i didn’t have it on so i got kicked out and quickly the person i was using with. So there i was back on the streets i was living out of my car i still had work so i would go to work and sell drugs to stay high.
I moved back in with a friend who i used to live with earlier on he had got his own house by now. He was still dating that stupid bitch of a girlfriend that i still need to make amends to. I was using still maybe not as much as before but still to much and every day without fail. He had a girl who moved in with him because she was family to one of my other best friends. When she was moving her stuff in she came in and looked at me loaded on the couch and asked if i would help her move some stuff in and she would pay me in heroin. I mean who can pass up that deal right (most people). Within a few weeks before i ended up stealing a check from his cousin and cashing it for drugs. My best friends all told me they no longer wanted to talk to me and to just stay the fuck out of there life so i went on a fucking binge.
I was able to hold this up for a short while but i soon found myself stealing from the restaurant i was working at. I got fired from my job in construction and right after at my job cooking. I took my cash and went to go pick up a sack. When i was waiting on my dealer i was sitting inside a starbucks. The cops walked into just to buy a coffee and when they looked over and saw me the immediately recognized me i guess i had a warrant out for my arrest for stealing the jewelry from my friends parents. When they searched me they found several needles some suboxone and some xanax. So here comes my first stay in jail. I was charged with grand theft for theft of an item over $950 and they had solid proof cause i had sold it at the pawn shop like a fucking idiot. I got 60 days with half in jail. So after 30 days i was turned out with no desire to stop i re- entered into sober living and used the whole time i was shooting people up who didn’t want to do it themselves. I started stealing from my family again and was quickly kicked out of there.
I was back living in my car. I started to steal out of cars to get funds for my addiction. I would only steal from cars that left their doors unlocked but i would still walk away with a few hundred dollars a night which would all go into my arm and into my mouth in a matter of 2 or 3 days. Soon i got arrested again and i spent about 2 weeks in jail for attempting to break into the car i got charged with a probation violation. Lets try this sober living thing one more time right maybe for the 3rd time it will work (insanity).
I entered sober living and a outpatient treatment facility. The night i got out i got high. I had found a gram or so of heroin and a needle that was still loaded in my car that i had lost at some point. I passed the drug test to get into sober living and was high literally 10 minutes later. I was attending meetings and going to outpatient treatment and everywhere i went people thought i had a grip on things they thought i was doing very well in my recovery. I lied about my location just about every time i went out of sober living i was late every night when i came home. I soon moved sober livings to a sober living with a much better reputation. I got clean before i got into the sober living. So i passed the drug test to get in and started using again immediately. It was slowly getting harder and harder to just get out of bed in the morning. I was so completely depressed i wanted to die by this point i hated everyone and everything i just wanted to get high and sleep. If i was awake i was miserable. Well i lasted about 3 weeks faking drug tests before i got caught. At this point my grandma took me in she thought she could keep me sober i guess witch was a fucking joke. I was ordering xanax, DMT, LSD, and Fentanyl to her house. I used constantly while she tried to keep an eye on me. I found a job and quickly got fired for no real reason though probably because i was high at work. Than i got a job that i loved one of my favorite jobs i've ever had. I was living with my grandma and this gay guy who was also trying to be controlling of me ( i say gay just as a reference i actually liked him alot). They tried to control my money and where i went, of course i just turned back to my extremely manipulative ways. They were ok with me drinking and smoking weed so i just got fucked up every night and did fentanyl so if they decided to drug test i would be clean.
Well i ended up getting arrested at one point for stealing from a tip jar and got a petty theft and was help over the weekend. I didn’t work that weekend so i was right back to work. My grandma thought i was doing well at this point i don't know how. I yelled at her and her roommate just about every fucking day. Yet still they got me my medical card they opened the door to me and i managed to not steal from them i had finally gotten over that habit of stealing from my family at least right. Small progress in the light of where i was headed. My grandma made me go see a therapist while i was staying and i was using maybe not extremely heavily but was still using. He told me he knew i would do well because the way i talked about addiction and recovery were the ways only someone doing recovery could talk about it. However i had never worked a step in my life. He did however talk to my grandpa and get him back in my life and i will forever be grateful to that therapist for doing that for me. I guess it goes to show how good addicts of any kind can act if it means helping the addiction.
My grandma was supposed to leave for several month and she wanted me to rent one of the rooms with her roommate while she was gone. That plan was going all right till one night when her roommate decided to try and argue about how much i would pay for rent when i was coming home from work and fairly drunk. I ended up yelling at him and shoving him out of my way trying to get to bed. My grandma came out because of the screaming and i was fucking done with it. About 2 days later i moved out and moved in with some friends who lived on the other end of town. It was a party house where they through shows and there was constantly a bunch of people over. I lived with my friend who was the first person to ever give me heroin which i was ok with he was one of the nicest people i knew. I was sleeping on a couch and there were 2 others sleeping in the living room with me also there were 4 others living in the house. I quickly went right back to large quantities of heroin and started to drink daily. Every day when i got off work i would grab a 64 ounce beer from the tap and drink it before i clocked out. Then i would stop on the way home and steal some grey goose and a few 12 packs of beer. Everyone in the house drank so it was just easier to drink than do anything else. I don't really know how i felt while living there i was constantly exhausted and fucked up. I really just remember feeling emotionless.
I use to sit in my car out front and shoot up before coming inside or wait for a sack with my friend. Although i did enjoy some aspects of life, my grandpa and i were seeing each other and flying drones together again and we were both getting good at it. He knew i wasn’t doing well but he loved me and as long as i wasn’t super fucked up around him he was willing to spend that time with me. I always looked forward to those moments. But even the best of times is not good enough motivation to keep you sober. The friend i was living with found a girlfriend who was only 16 and she was a very nice girl however it was definitely weird. But i guess they were both just feeding off each other she was using him to get high he was using her for emotional support. Anyways i use to get him heroin all the time and i knew she was getting high too. Back at the house things were the same an endless stream of alcohol and people. Work was the same i had started to go over to my bosses house with a co-worker of ours and drink beer and play Magic the Gathering for hours on end.
Around the end of november the house i was living changed drastically. My friend got kicked out the other person living in the living room moved out, and one of the rooms opened up. So i started renting that room. This was probably one of the more depressing times in my life. I had found some new dealers who were getting straight from the border so i started to deal again but a lot more efficiently than before. I was picking up about a ounce a day of witch i was using around 3 grams a day of. My xanax use was back to being out of control blacking out being the usual case. I thought i was functioning fine because somehow fucked up me thrives in kitchens. I will do a night with 200 people without a mistake so if i can still function how could i possible have a problem. Also i can still drive fairly good. Of course their was also that time i stole that car when blacked out and drove it around for several days picking up sacks and eating xanax like candy. I had gotten so fucked up that night i had broken my arm and didn’t realize it for 2 days till i came to my senses a little and realized i couldn’t move it.
My drug use started to get so bad i was having a hard time functioning so i started to use cocaine to keep myself awake. Not that it was much against heroin but i could do a shot of it and it would keep me awake long enough to go drop off my next sack. I guess at some point in here my friends girlfriend almost overdosed and had to go to the hospital. I could reason with myself that i had not given her the drugs and that she was alright now. I also just really didn’t care because i was so fucked up all the time. Well my boss started to notice how often i was “using the restroom” and knew exactly what that meant. He told me i needed to get some help and get sober or he was going to fire me.
My friend ended up getting arrested for warrants i guess he had out for him for a while for probation violations. So he was out of the picture i was on my last string at work and i was living in a room alone. I woke up every morning in withdraw shitting myself and throwing up. I use to have to mix my morning shot on the toilet as my guts were spilling out of me from both ends but as soon as i did that shot i was fine. There were several times i was driving to my deals house throwing up out my door as i was driving. Mixing up a shot while i'm vomiting looking up for half a second just to register because i couldn’t stop throwing up. My cocaine use was getting up there to i was barely making enough sales to support my own addiction and i ended up going and stealing from cars to pay my rent and buy some booze for parties. Well this went on for a while and i started to look into rehabs in my area. I had a friend of mine send me a list of rehabs and found 2 or 3 i thought sounded good and was going to go at the beginning of next month down to one. It was the end of January and i was asleep in bed at about 4.30 in the morning when i get a call for my friends girlfriend crying begging me to come get her well she was in withdraws she told me she would give me 10 bucks and a couple valium. I really didn’t want to go i had just picked up another sack and had already eaten like a 25mg mix of xanax and klonopin. But i got my ass out of bed and drove over there i pulled out the new batch that i had got that day and hadn’t broken into yet. I gave her about a .1 and did a .5 for myself. I mixed a little bit of coke in with mine so i would be able to drive back home. The next thing i remember is being woken up by the cops with a needle still in my arm. She was overdosing in my passenger seat and didn’t respond as i screamed her name. I was hardly coherent. They told me she was alive and that i was fucked then took me to jail.
I was in the holding cell from 6 in the morning till 6 at night. I remember none of it i was nodded out the whole time i was fucked up as hell in my intake picture. I told them when i came in i was withdrawing from benzos. They got me to the doctors that night. And when i told them how much benzos i was taking on a daily bases they didn’t believe me i weighed about 135 pounds and am 6” tall. They thought i was fucking with them but had no choice but to put me on a taper down system. So for 4 weeks they tapered me off benzos with klonopin starting at 2 mg 3 times a day. Even that i didn’t feel whatsoever. I threw up every meal they fed me for the first week i was in there till finally i could eat again. I spent 11 months in jail and my court case went on for 7 months before we came to a deal. While i was in there i managed to sober up and actually enjoy myself. I was having money put on my books i could have bought drugs if i had wanted them but i had no desire. While in there i met a pastor called john and although i wasn’t fully on board with the whole christian thing and i don’t know if i ever will be i did start praying just to stop having dreams of using. And slowly they past. I made some very good friends while i was in there, and got really good at handball
When finally my court case was over i was sentenced to 2 years with half in county and a 1 year residential drug treatment. While i was in there i got reconnected with my old day care providers from when i was a kid. It had been years since i had seen them. And they did amazing things for me they helped me in ways they will never know. They gave me a place to live when i got out. And when i got out i did move in for a short while before i got to rehab. I spent a month waiting to get into rehab and in that month i started to go to church it didn’t really speak to me that much but it was a good community i was apart of and i appreciated that. I had good times with my family. And something happened i thought was a lost hope, my friends came back. The girl i loved had found a new boyfriend and was no longer using while her ex was still out there using. My hard working mexican friend was back to just drinking a lot and the new boyfriend ended up being a really great guy. I contacted her when i got out and she came over and met me. We had an amazing night and the next night i met her boyfriend and we went and saw a movie together. The next day we went to a concert and my other friend rode with us it was weird at first because he still didn’t want to talk to me but quickly all of us were right back to our old selves. I felt that friendship we had lost through drugs come back right away and although it may not have being perfect it was a true comfort. Than i met my girlfriend, of all places on OK cupid. I had no intention of meeting a girlfriend but as i said earlier in this story sometimes you can't control how you feel about someone. We went on our first date and i knew i loved her pretty much right away. We were only together a couple days though before i had to leave to rehab.
So recovery is weird and amazing and fun. I act more ridiculous and have more fun now than i ever did getting high. When i got to rehab i put on my happy face and was just ready to act it out, that's not what happened. When i got here i couldn’t tell my elbow from my asshole but i could tell a dime from a 20 sack. I was good at acting though really good at it. I was “happy” all the time i was loud and made a lot of jokes at the expense of others and somehow fell right into the crowd here that was actually doing a lot of work in their recovery. The program i'm at told me to get a sponsor so i got a sponsor a few days after i got here. Before i did them i thought the steps were pointless i truly thought self knowledge was the answer to my problems. I just assumed if i understood my problem i could see what was causing it and stay away from it. But alcohol and drugs are so cunning baffling and powerful i don't think anyone fully understands it. So i read the first 60 pages of Alcoholics Anonymous and started on my steps. I didn’t understand what i was doing while i did them like at all. However i did them to the best of my ability i didn’t have a whole lot else to do. I did my 4th step and hed about 140 people on my resentments sheet, well i soon realized why we did the resentments and it has nothing to do with what people have done to you, it takes a whole knew perspective on things and does not allow for you to twist it to make you look good. You own your part now no more hiding it'd be fucking scary if i knew what i was doing when i started it but i will say that was the most worthwhile thing i've ever done in my life.
I had made a lot of friends in here and the things that have happened to us is far stranger than what happened to me in normal life. That is probably because we can act ridiculous and be ourselves because we don’t have anything to hide. We had rooms with 5 people in them and the bed next to me was owned by who is one of the better friends i have ever know Adam (he requested on being named). I had many other friends but he was normally who i would go out with and who could act even stranger than i could. I remember one day we were walking down the street yelling at tweakers and this chick walked to up and straight looked at us and asked him if he wanted to go with her. She was obviously high on something like LSD or mushrooms. I mean she was a cute little latina chick with glasses and her butt hanging out of her shorts what else would you do so needles to say he ditched me. I was signed out with him cause i was earlier in the program and need to sign out with someone to go out. Well somehow he got laid and we managed to make it back separately without getting noticed. However he got put on a relationship contract because he was seen with her and you are not supposed to be in a relationship.
Well my relationship is still going and from the day i got here i started to write her letters every night and after 30 days when i could use the phone i started to call her as well. This was a seriously hard relationship but somehow we have made it work. She told me from the start how much she respected my recovery and has not stepped that boundary the whole time. But i will say that i have seen in this program a lot of good people go out because something happened between them and their lady. I was lucky to have her though she has kept my head focused plenty of times when i would have otherwise drifted off. I truly believe whatever is out there put us together at this point on purpose.
So i did my step work my sponsor took me through them really fast. I did my fifth step which i really didn’t realize how much that would do for me but i actually felt a lot of relief from doing it. 6 and 7 was a few days later my sponsor said that's were he felt the release but i felt mine around 9. On 9 it seemed mechanical at first like i was just printing out amends in a very robotic way. But as i started to get responses to them they started to mean more and more to me. Obviously i have fucked over a lot of people throughout my addiction. It was incredibly strange to get responses to amends from people i just assumed would never get a response from or who would tell me to fuck off and have them be super positive. A Lot of people owned their end of it. However i also have friends i thought would forgive me who told me not to ever contact them again. Tell you what though even those amends felt good because it was never about the response it was that i need to see how i act, how i react, how selfish i've being, and how i have always held contempt before investigation on everything in my life. Nothing can hold us back in this program more than a attitude of intolerance or indifference .
"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which can not fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation." --HERBERT SPENCER
Well soon enough i found myself actually enjoying life, it was no longer a show and i no longer had to live the incredibly tiring life of acting it out. Now i should make something clear this in no way means i am a model citizen i still love to act like an idiot. But not looking over your shoulder for the cops cause you know you aren't breaking any laws definitely helps. And being happy doesn’t mean i'm always in a super good mood, everyone who knows me knows to not talk to me in the morning until i've had a cup of coffee in my system and really probably not before like 10-11 am i going to actually seem human. However people who have known me for awhile also know i'm nothing like what i use to be in a good way. The 10th and 11th step changed a lot about the way i act in situations. I was never someone who would have told you i was wrong while someone is screaming in my face or thank you for doing your job as you hand me piece of paper saying i am in trouble and just own that i fucked up. Although i'm not perfect and i still get caught in it from time to time, i was never someone who would have just walked about while people were gossiping about someone else. Today i don't care the only inventory i can take is my own i can be there for you to vent to and take your own inventory out loud but it's not my job to make assumptions.
As for the 11th step i've meditated through most of my life but to make it a practice to do first thing when i wake up in the morning as really changed a lot about myself. To when i'm in a stressful situation give it up realize i have no control over who you are or how you act and just pray for the strength to take the next right step in life. There is also the matter of doing a nightly inventory which is usually about the last thing when i am dead tired crawling into bed but for some reason it keeps me in the moment and i notice when i don’t do it. Essentially i have no clue how the steps work other than allow you to see you for who you really are and invite the growth you need. And to keep you realizing that the growth is never done. It is a life time of spiritual growth.
Well i have made a lot of friends in rehab and i got through the steps in about 60 days. So now i'm stuck on 12 cause i can’t sponsor anyone for the year i am in rehab. This may be a good thing though cause until recently i really don’t know if i was ready. However while here Adam and i took over a big book study about 3 months in. i am fairly well spoken when it comes to public speaking, so why not. I would be lying if i said it went off without a hitch. However we quickly saw more of our character defects and how we hold/portray ourselves. It gave us the perfect opportunity to grow in that way and we did quite quickly. I have a far better knowledge of the big book now than i ever imagined i would in my life. I get what they say now when a sponsor tells you he learns more from you and you help him (or her) more than they help you. In that book study i have no idea how much i've helped people but i know being responsible for that has pushed me to study, find history behind things find out about bill wilson's crazy past and push farther down that rabbit hole endlessly. And more than anything i get excited doing it, it is about the farthest thing from work i can imagine.
This program has done more for me though than just step work. Although step work is the most important thing that has happened while i've being here. They have given me a safe place to work on myself in so many different aspects. They make you take different kinds of classes while you are here, codependency class was probably my favorite one, pretty much we got to learn how to deal with crazy ass people. And at the end of the class we had a beautiful display from one of the crazy residents here who was in class with us. He some how managed to display every sort of thing that we had talked about as crazy people in a matter of 10 minutes. I think everyone got super uncomfortable but i fucking loved it and thought it was about the funniest thing ever. But that class just solidified things i had already being learning about this complex crazy thing we call human interaction. There are millions of different personality types in the world and i have had to learn to just accept them for what they are and do my best to not get resentful at someone just because they are sick mentally or spiritually in some way or another i'm no better i'm sick in my very own way. This program has really taught me a lot about accepting the world, my whole life i have upset at the state of the world constantly thinking what can i do about it. I have learned the only thing i can do is to live the way i want the world to be and hope it rubs off on a person or two. Show love where there is no love and show hope for the future when things seem so bleak cause the only thing we can do is look for the next right step. I like to think of life like rock climbing when you are on a sheer cliff surface you can’t always see the whole picture you can only look for the next grip to pull you up.
Now i don’t always take the next right step sometimes i slip. Like when i was going on a home pass. I told the rehab i was going to my family's house when instead i was actually going to San Fransisco to go spend the weekend with my girlfriend. Honestly it was one of the most amazing weekends of my life when i was in it. I have never had a sober vacation like that before. It was great in the moment because i am good at enjoying the moment now, however coming home was different. The second i walked in the door i was overwhelmed by a sense of shame. The next day i had to tell on myself, this program gives a lot of slack they just ask you don’t lie when directly asked something. I couldn’t lie and that is about the weirdest thing ever to me, my whole life has being me lying to every person around me my family, friends, co-workers if you were around me i lied. Today i feel so much shame in lying because i have finally experienced the feeling of not having anything to hide. I'd rather tell the truth and suffer some level of consequence than live with the feeling of hiding my whole life.
I still deal with lots of things here there are people here who bug the living hell out of me. I am one of the dinner cooks here we feed 45 guys in the house and about 120 homeless a night. The cooking actually is fun the hard part is having the kitchen manager over my shoulder all the time stressing out. Or the guy who when you tell him something annoys you he continues to push that button endlessly. Or the guy who insists he is right on every subject even when he has absolutely no clue what he is talking about. There is also seperation from my girlfriend that is not easy it's hard to rarely ever get to see her not that i don’t ever get to see her but it's like a weekend out of a month. Why she stays with me i have no clue. There is obviously a desire to work but where i am at i have about a month and a half till i can get a job. I guess what this program has done for me is learn to accept things the way they are. To realize its not my job to fix things in the world no matter how much i would like to. Also to see that i can only change my actions and responses to things, to ask what can i bring to the situation not say it's their fault or job. Recovery has taught me to ask for help, to daily check and see if i'm holding anything back, and to ask for help when i need it. I can do my best with recovery.
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2017.06.13 21:10 kamahaoma Current alphabetized list

WARNING: Some are NSFW
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/TrueAskReddit
/TrueAtheism
/TrueDetective
/TrueFilm
/truegaming
/TrueReddit
/TrumpCriticizesTrump
/TsundereSharks
/tumblr
/TumblrInAction
/TwinGirls
/Twitch
/TwoXChromosomes
/typography
/Ubuntu
/ufc
/UFOs
/ukpolitics
/Unashamed
/UNBGBBIIVCHIDCTIICBG
/uncensorednews
/undelete
/Undertale
/UnderwearGW
/Unexpected
/unexpectedjihad
/UnexpectedThugLife
/unitedkingdom
/Unity3D
/UniversityofReddit
/unixporn
/UnresolvedMysteries
/UpliftingNews
/Upskirt
/urbanexploration
/vancouver
/vandwellers
/Vaping
/vaporents
/Vaporwave
/vegan
/vegetarian
/vexillology
/videos
/VillagePorn
/vinyl
/vita
/Vive
/VolleyballGirls
/voluptuous
/wallpaper
/wallpapers
/wallstreetbets
/Warframe
/Warhammer
/WastedGifs
/Watches
/WatchItForThePlot
/watchpeopledie
/waterporn
/WeAreTheMusicMakers
/WeatherGifs
/web_design
/webcomics
/webdev
/WebGames
/WeddingsGoneWild
/weightroom
/Wellthatsucks
/westworld
/WeWantPlates
/Whatcouldgowrong
/whatisthisthing
/WhatsInThisThing
/whatsthisbug
/WhatsWrongWithYourDog
/whenitgoesin
/wheredidthesodago
/whitepeoplegifs
/WhitePeopleTwitter
/wholesomememes
/whowouldwin
/WhyWereTheyFilming
/wicked_edge
/wifesharing
/wiiu
/WikiLeaks
/wikipedia
/wincest
/windows
/Windows10
/witcher
/woahdude
/WomenOfColor
/woodworking
/woof_irl
/workgonewild
/WorkOnline
/worldbuilding
/worldcup
/worldnews
/worldpolitics
/WouldYouFuckMyWife
/WouldYouRather
/wow
/wowthissubexists
/writing
/WritingPrompts
/WTF
/WtSSTaDaMiT
/xboxone
/xkcd
/xsmallgirls
/xxfitness
/yoga
/YogaPants
/Yogscast
/youdontsurf
/YouSeeComrade
/youseeingthisshit
/YouShouldKnow
/youtube
/youtubehaiku
/youtubetitties
/yugioh
/zelda
/ZenHabits
/zombies
submitted by kamahaoma to ListOfSubreddits [link] [comments]


2017.05.09 14:12 kamahaoma Current alphabetized list

WARNING: Some are NSFW.
/100yearsago
/1200isplenty
/2007scape
/2meirl4meirl
/3amjokes
/3Dprinting
/3DS
/4chan
/60fpsporn
/AbandonedPorn
/ABraThatFits
/AccidentalComedy
/AccidentalRenaissance
/ActLikeYouBelong
/actuallesbians
/ADHD
/adorableporn
/AdPorn
/AdrenalinePorn
/adventuretime
/Advice
/AdviceAnimals
/AlienBlue
/Allsvenskan
/alternativeart
/altgonewild
/AMA
/Amateur
/AmateurArchives
/amateurcumsluts
/AmateurRoomPorn
/AmazonTopRated
/Amd
/AmericanHorrorStory
/amiugly
/anal
/AnalGW
/Anarchism
/Android
/androidapps
/androiddev
/AndroidGaming
/androidthemes
/AnimalCrossing
/AnimalPorn
/AnimalsBeingBros
/AnimalsBeingDerps
/AnimalsBeingJerks
/AnimalTextGifs
/anime
/anime_irl
/announcements
/ANormalDayInRussia
/answers
/AntiJokes
/Anxiety
/apocalympics2016
/AppHookup
/apple
/Aquariums
/ArcherFX
/architecture
/ArchitecturePorn
/arduino
/arresteddevelopment
/arrow
/Art
/ArtefactPorn
/ArtisanVideos
/ArtPorn
/AsianBeauty
/AsianHotties
/AsianNSFW
/AsianPorn
/AsiansGoneWild
/AskCulinary
/AskEngineers
/AskHistorians
/AskMen
/AskOuija
/AskReddit
/askscience
/AskScienceFiction
/AskSocialScience
/AskWomen
/asmr
/asoiaf
/ass
/assassinscreed
/asshole
/AssholeBehindThong
/assinthong
/asstastic
/Astronomy
/astrophotography
/atheism
/audioengineering
/audiophile
/Austin
/australia
/Autos
/aviation
/awesome
/aww
/Awwducational
/awwnime
/awwwtf
/babyelephantgifs
/backpacking
/baconit
/baconreader
/Bad_Cop_No_Donut
/badhistory
/badtattoos
/Baking
/bannedfromclubpenguin
/baseball
/Bass
/batman
/Battlefield
/battlefield_4
/battlefield_one
/battlestations
/BBQ
/bdsm
/BDSMcommunity
/BDSMGW
/BeAmazed
/beards
/beer
/beermoney
/BeforeNAfterAdoption
/behindthegifs
/belgium
/bertstrips
/bestof
/bestofnetflix
/BestOfReports
/BestOfStreamingVideo
/beta
/betterCallSaul
/BetterEveryLoop
/bicycling
/bidenbro
/bigasses
/BigBoobsGW
/BiggerThanYouThought
/BikiniBottomTwitter
/bikinis
/bimbofetish
/bindingofisaac
/biology
/birdswitharms
/bitchimabus
/Bitcoin
/bjj
/blackchickswhitedicks
/blackmirror
/blackops3
/blackpeoplegifs
/BlackPeopleTwitter
/Blep
/blog
/bloodborne
/Blowjobs
/blunderyears
/boardgames
/BobsBurgers
/bodybuilding
/bodyperfection
/bodyweightfitness
/BoJackHorseman
/BollywoodRealism
/boltedontits
/Bondage
/BonerMaterial
/boobbounce
/Boobies
/boobs
/books
/booksuggestions
/Borderlands
/Borderlands2
/BorednIgnored
/boston
/Bottomless_Vixens
/Boxing
/brasil
/Breadit
/breakingbad
/BreastEnvy
/Breath_of_the_Wild
/breathinginformation
/britishproblems
/Buddhism
/budgetfood
/buildapc
/buildapcsales
/Bundesliga
/burstingout
/business
/BustyPetite
/buttplug
/BuyItForLife
/C25K
/cableporn
/calvinandhobbes
/camping
/CampingandHiking
/CamSluts
/camwhores
/canada
/CandidFashionPolice
/carporn
/cars
/CasualConversation
/casualiama
/CatastrophicFailure
/catpictures
/catpranks
/cats
/CatsStandingUp
/celebnsfw
/CelebrityPussy
/Celebs
/CFB
/CGPGrey
/changemyview
/ChangingRooms
/Cheap_Meals
/chemicalreactiongifs
/chemistry
/chess
/chicago
/chickflixxx
/childfree
/ChildrenFallingOver
/ChoosingBeggars
/ChristianGirls
/Christianity
/Chromecast
/chubby
/churning
/Cinemagraphs
/circlejerk
/CitiesSkylines
/CityPorn
/civ
/ClashOfClans
/ClashRoyale
/classic4chan
/classicalmusic
/cleavage
/climbing
/coaxedintoasnafu
/coding
/CODZombies
/Coffee
/cogsci
/college
/CollegeAmateurs
/CollegeBasketball
/collegesluts
/coloringcorruptions
/ColorizedHistory
/CombatFootage
/combinedgifs
/ComedyCemetery
/comicbooks
/comics
/community
/CompetitiveHS
/Competitiveoverwatch
/compsci
/confession
/ConfusedBoners
/Conservative
/conspiracy
/conspiratard
/ContagiousLaughter
/Cooking
/coolguides
/copypasta
/cordcutters
/corgi
/CorporateFacepalm
/cosplay
/cosplaygirls
/CozyPlaces
/crafts
/CrappyDesign
/crappyoffbrands
/CrazyIdeas
/creampies
/creepy
/creepypasta
/creepyPMs
/cringe
/CringeAnarchy
/cringepics
/crossfit
/CrusaderKings
/cscareerquestions
/Cuckold
/cumcoveredfucking
/cumfetish
/CumHaters
/cumsluts
/curvy
/CuteModeSlutMode
/Cyberpunk
/Cynicalbrit
/daddit
/dadjokes
/DadReflexes
/dailyprogrammer
/Damnthatsinteresting
/dank_meme
/dankchristianmemes
/dankmemes
/DarkAngels
/DarkNetMarkets
/darksouls
/DarkSouls2
/darksouls3
/dataisbeautiful
/datgap
/dating_advice
/dayz
/dbz
/DCcomics
/de
/de_IAmA
/DecidingToBeBetter
/DeepIntoYouTube
/deepthroat
/delusionalartists
/Demotivational
/Denmark
/depression
/DepthHub
/Design
/DesignPorn
/DesirePath
/DestinyTheGame
/DestructionPorn
/Diablo
/diablo3
/DirtyGaming
/dirtykikpals
/dirtypenpals
/dirtyr4r
/dirtysmall
/DirtySnapchat
/disney
/distension
/DiWHY
/DIY
/DnD
/DnDGreentext
/doctorwho
/Documentaries
/DoesAnybodyElse
/dogecoin
/dogpictures
/dogs
/Dogtraining
/DotA2
/doujinshi
/downblouse
/dragonage
/drawing
/Drugs
/drunk
/DrunkOrAKid
/dubstep
/DunderMifflin
/dwarffortress
/EarthPorn
/EatCheapAndHealthy
/eatsandwiches
/ecchi
/Economics
/economy
/EDC
/EDM
/edmproduction
/education
/educationalgifs
/eFreebies
/elderscrollsonline
/eldertrees
/electronic_cigarette
/electronicmusic
/electronics
/EliteDangerous
/EmmaWatson
/EmpireDidNothingWrong
/emulation
/energy
/engineering
/EngineeringPorn
/EngineeringStudents
/Enhancement
/EnoughTrumpSpam
/entertainment
/Entrepreneur
/environment
/esist
/eu4
/europe
/Eve
/evenwithcontext
/everymanshouldknow
/EverythingScience
/evilbuildings
/excel
/ExpectationVsReality
/explainlikeIAmA
/ExplainLikeImCalvin
/explainlikeimfive
/ExposurePorn
/Exxxtras
/Eyebleach
/facebookwins
/facedownassup
/facepalm
/facesitting
/FacialFun
/fakehistoryporn
/Fallout
/FancyFollicles
/Fantasy
/fantasyfootball
/FanTheories
/fashion
/fatlogic
/fatpeoplehate
/fatpeoplestories
/FellowKids
/femalefashionadvice
/femalepov
/Feminism
/FestivalSluts
/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu
/ffxiv
/FIFA
/FifthWorldPics
/fifthworldproblems
/FiftyFifty
/Filmmakers
/FinalFantasy
/finance
/financialindependence
/findareddit
/fireemblem
/FireEmblemHeroes
/firefly
/Fireteams
/firstworldanarchists
/firstworldproblems
/Fishing
/fitgirls
/fitmeals
/Fitness
/FlashingGirls
/FlashTV
/flexibility
/Flipping
/FloridaMan
/fo4
/food
/Foodforthought
/foodhacks
/FoodPorn
/forcedorgasms
/ForeverAlone
/forhire
/forhonor
/formula1
/forwardsfromgrandma
/fountainpens
/france
/freebies
/FreeEBOOKS
/FreeGamesOnSteam
/freeuse
/friendsafari
/Frisson
/Frugal
/frugalmalefashion
/Fullmoviesonvimeo
/fullmoviesonyoutube
/funhaus
/funny
/FunnyandSad
/funsized
/FunWithFriends
/futanari
/futbol
/futurama
/futurebeats
/futureporn
/Futurology
/gadgets
/gainit
/gallifrey
/GameDeals
/gamedev
/gamegrumps
/gamemusic
/gameofthrones
/GamePhysics
/gamernews
/Games
/gaming
/gamingpc
/gardening
/gatekeeping
/gaybros
/gaymers
/geek
/gentlemanboners
/geopolitics
/getdisciplined
/GetMotivated
/gettingherselfoff
/ghostnipples
/gif
/gifextra
/GifRecipes
/gifs
/gifsgonewild
/GifSound
/ginger
/GirlsFinishingTheJob
/GirlsHumpingThings
/girlsinyogapants
/girlskissing
/GirlsMirin
/GirlswithGlasses
/GirlswithNeonHair
/glitch_art
/Glitch_in_the_Matrix
/GlobalOffensive
/GlobalOffensiveTrade
/golf
/GoneMild
/gonewild
/Gonewild18
/gonewild30plus
/gonewildaudio
/gonewildcolor
/gonewildcouples
/gonewildcurvy
/GoneWildPlus
/GoneWildScrubs
/GoneWildSmiles
/gonewildstories
/GoneWildTube
/google
/gopro
/Gore
/Graffiti
/GrandTheftAutoV
/graphic_design
/GreenDawn
/greentext
/grilledcheese
/grool
/GroupOfNudeGirls
/gtaonline
/GTAV
/Guildwars2
/Guitar
/guitarlessons
/gundeals
/Gunners
/GunPorn
/guns
/GWCouples
/gwcumsluts
/GWNerdy
/h3h3productions
/hacking
/HadToHurt
/HailCorporate
/halo
/happy
/happycrowds
/HappyEmbarrassedGirls
/hardbodies
/hardcoreaww
/hardware
/hardwareswap
/harrypotter
/headphones
/Health
/hearthstone
/Heavymind
/HeavySeas
/hentai
/HENTAI_GIF
/heroesofthestorm
/HighQualityGifs
/HighResNSFW
/hiking
/HillaryForPrison
/HIMYM
/hiphopheads
/history
/HistoryPorn
/hitmanimals
/hmmm
/hockey
/holdmybeaker
/holdmybeer
/holdmycosmo
/holdmyfries
/holdmyjuicebox
/holdthemoan
/Homebrewing
/homegrowntits
/HomeImprovement
/homelab
/homemadexxx
/homestead
/horror
/Hotchickswithtattoos
/Hotwife
/HouseOfCards
/howto
/HowToHack
/howtonotgiveafuck
/hugeboobs
/HugeDickTinyChick
/HumanPorn
/HumansBeingBros
/humor
/HybridAnimals
/IAmA
/iamverybadass
/iamverysmart
/IASIP
/IdiotsFightingThings
/IDontWorkHereLady
/ifyoulikeblank
/illusionporn
/im14andthisisdeep
/ImaginaryLandscapes
/ImaginaryLeviathans
/ImaginaryMonsters
/ImaginaryTechnology
/ImGoingToHellForThis
/incest
/IncestPorn
/india
/IndianBabes
/indianpeoplefacebook
/IndieGaming
/indieheads
/Infographics
/InfrastructurePorn
/Innie
/insanepeoplefacebook
/instant_regret
/interestingasfuck
/InteriorDesign
/InternetIsBeautiful
/intresseklubben
/introvert
/investing
/ipad
/iphone
/ireland
/italy
/itookapicture
/itsaunixsystem
/IWantOut
/iWantToFuckHer
/IWantToLearn
/jailbreak
/japan
/JapaneseGameShows
/java
/javascript
/Jazz
/jesuschristreddit
/JiggleFuck
/jilling
/jobs
/JoeRogan
/Jokes
/JonTron
/juicyasians
/Justfuckmyshitup
/JusticePorn
/JusticeServed
/justneckbeardthings
/JUSTNOMIL
/Justrolledintotheshop
/Kanye
/KarmaConspiracy
/KarmaCourt
/KenM
/KerbalSpaceProgram
/keto
/ketorecipes
/KingdomHearts
/KitchenConfidential
/knitting
/knives
/KotakuInAction
/kpop
/kpopfap
/LabiaGW
/LadyBoners
/ladybonersgw
/languagelearning
/lastimages
/LateStageCapitalism
/latinas
/law
/leagueoflegends
/leangains
/LearnJapanese
/learnprogramming
/learnpython
/LearnUselessTalents
/lectures
/legaladvice
/LegalTeens
/LegalTeensXXX
/lego
/legs
/lesbians
/LetsNotMeet
/lewronggeneration
/lgbt
/Libertarian
/lifehacks
/lifeofnorman
/LifeProTips
/likeus
/lingerie
/linguistics
/linux
/LipsThatGrip
/listentothis
/literature
/LiverpoolFC
/LivestreamFail
/lockpicking
/lolcats
/LoLeventVoDs
/london
/longboarding
/LosAngeles
/loseit
/lotr
/LSD
/LucidDreaming
/mac
/MachineLearning
/MachinePorn
/MadeMeSmile
/madlads
/magicTCG
/MakeupAddiction
/MakingaMurderer
/malefashion
/malefashionadvice
/malehairadvice
/malelifestyle
/malelivingspace
/MaliciousCompliance
/mallninjashit
/MandelaEffect
/manga
/MapPorn
/Marijuana
/marijuanaenthusiasts
/marketing
/Marvel
/marvelstudios
/mashups
/masseffect
/MassiveCock
/math
/me_irl
/MealPrepSunday
/mealtimevideos
/MeanJokes
/mechanical_gifs
/MechanicalKeyboards
/medicine
/Meditation
/meirl
/MemeEconomy
/memes
/MensRights
/MEOW_IRL
/Metal
/metalgearsolid
/mexico
/michaelbaygifs
/microgrowery
/mildlyinfuriating
/mildlyinteresting
/mildlypenis
/milf
/Military
/MilitaryPorn
/millionairemakers
/Minecraft
/minimalism
/misleadingthumbnails
/MLS
/MMA
/MMORPG
/modelmakers
/modnews
/MonsterHunter
/montageparodies
/MorbidReality
/MostBeautiful
/motorcycles
/MoviePosterPorn
/movies
/Moviesinthemaking
/MrRobot
/MTB
/MURICA
/MuseumOfReddit
/Music
/musictheory
/mylittlepony
/MyPeopleNeedMe
/Naruto
/nasa
/Natureisbrutal
/NatureIsFuckingLit
/natureismetal
/nba
/NBA2k
/nbastreams
/netflix
/NetflixBestOf
/netsec
/networking
/NeutralPolitics
/nevertellmetheodds
/newreddits
/news
/newzealand
/nextdoorasians
/nfl
/nflstreams
/nhl
/NHLStreams
/niceguys
/nintendo
/NintendoSwitch
/nocontext
/NoFap
/NoMansSkyTheGame
/nononono
/nonononoyes
/Nootropics
/norge
/nosleep
/nostalgia
/NoStupidQuestions
/notinteresting
/NotMyJob
/nottheonion
/NotTimAndEric
/nsfw
/Nsfw_Amateurs
/NSFW_GIF
/nsfw_gifs
/NSFW_HTML5
/NSFW_Japan
/NSFW_Snapchat
/nsfw_videos
/nsfw_wtf
/nsfw2
/NSFW411
/nsfwCelebArchive
/nsfwcosplay
/NSFWFunny
/nsfwhardcore
/nsfwoutfits
/nutrition
/nvidia
/nyc
/O_Faces
/ObscureMedia
/oculus
/oddlysatisfying
/ofcoursethatsathing
/offbeat
/Offensive_Wallpapers
/offmychest
/Ohlympics
/OkCupid
/oldpeoplefacebook
/OldSchoolCool
/OldSchoolCoolNSFW
/olympics
/omgbeckylookathiscock
/OnePiece
/oneplus
/OnePunchMan
/onetruegod
/OnHerKnees
/onions
/OnOff
/OnStageGW
/OopsDidntMeanTo
/OSHA
/outercourse
/OutOfTheLoop
/outrun
/outside
/Overwatch
/OverwatchUniversity
/painal
/palegirls
/Paleo
/PandR
/paradoxplaza
/Paranormal
/Pareidolia
/Parenting
/passionx
/pathofexile
/patientgamers
/Patriots
/pawg
/pcgaming
/pcmasterrace
/pelfie
/PenmanshipPorn
/PeopleFuckingDying
/Perfectfit
/perfectloops
/PerfectTiming
/personalfinance
/PetiteGoneWild
/pettyrevenge
/Philippines
/philosophy
/photography
/photoshop
/photoshopbattles
/Physics
/physicsgifs
/piano
/pics
/Piracy
/PixelArt
/Pizza
/place
/playrust
/playstation
/PleX
/podcasts
/Poetry
/pokemon
/pokemongo
/pokemontrades
/poker
/pokies
/polandball
/Political_Revolution
/PoliticalDiscussion
/PoliticalHumor
/politics
/Polska
/popping
/porn
/porn_gifs
/porninfifteenseconds
/pornvids
/Portland
/powerwashingporn
/Prematurecelebration
/PrequelMemes
/PrettyGirls
/privacy
/productivity
/ProgrammerHumor
/programming
/progresspics
/PropagandaPosters
/ProRevenge
/PS3
/PS4
/PS4Deals
/psychology
/Psychonaut
/PUBATTLEGROUNDS
/PublicFlashing
/PublicFreakout
/Punny
/pussy
/pussypassdenied
/Pyongyang
/Python
/quityourbullshit
/quiver
/quotes
/QuotesPorn
/r4r
/radiohead
/rage
/Rainbow6
/Rainmeter
/raisedbynarcissists
/ramen
/RandomActsOfBlowJob
/RandomActsOfGaming
/randomsexiness
/rarepuppers
/raspberry_pi
/Rateme
/reactiongifs
/realasians
/RealEstate
/RealGirls
/reallifedoodles
/rearpussy
/recipes
/reddevils
/reddit.com
/RedditDayOf
/redditgetsdrawn
/RedditLaqueristas
/redditsync
/redheads
/relationship_advice
/relationships
/RelayForReddit
/RepressedGoneWild
/retiredgif
/RetroFuturism
/ReverseEngineering
/rickandmorty
/Roadcam
/RoastMe
/RocketLeague
/Romania
/RoomPorn
/roosterteeth
/rpg
/rugbyunion
/rule34
/rule34_comics
/runescape
/running
/rupaulsdragrace
/sadcringe
/SandersForPresident
/sanfrancisco
/savedyouaclick
/science
/scifi
/Scotch
/ScottishPeopleTwitter
/SCP
/Screenwriting
/Seattle
/secretsanta
/seduction
/seinfeld
/self
/selfimprovement
/serialkillers
/serialpodcast
/sewing
/sex
/sex_comics
/SexInFrontOfOthers
/SexyButNotPorn
/SexyFrex
/SheLikesItRough
/Sherlock
/shield
/ShingekiNoKyojin
/ShitAmericansSay
/ShitRedditSays
/Shitty_Car_Mods
/shittyadvice
/shittyaskscience
/shittyfoodporn
/shittykickstarters
/ShittyLifeProTips
/shittyreactiongifs
/shittyrobots
/shorthairchicks
/shortscarystories
/Showerthoughts
/shutupandtakemymoney
/SiliconValleyHBO
/simpleliving
/simps
/Simulated
/singapore
/skateboarding
/skeptic
/SketchDaily
/skiing
/SkincareAddiction
/SkyPorn
/skyrim
/skyrimmods
/sloths
/slowcooking
/SlyGifs
/smallbusiness
/smashbros
/Smite
/snapchat_sluts
/snapleaks
/Sneakers
/Sneks
/snowboarding
/soccer
/soccerstreams
/SocialEngineering
/socialism
/socialskills
/softwaregore
/solotravel
/somethingimade
/southpark
/space
/spaceporn
/spacex
/speedrun
/spop
/sports
/sportsarefun
/spotify
/SquaredCircle
/squirting
/Stacked
/StandUpComedy
/standupshots
/starbound
/starcitizen
/starcraft
/StardewValley
/starterpacks
/StartledCats
/startrek
/startups
/StarWars
/StarWarsBattlefront
/Steam
/steamdeals
/Stellaris
/stevenuniverse
/stockings
/StockMarket
/stocks
/StonerEngineering
/stopdrinking
/StoppedWorking
/StraightGirlsPlaying
/StrangerThings
/StreetFights
/streetwear
/StruggleFucking
/subaru
/SubredditDrama
/subredditoftheday
/SubredditSimulator
/suctiondildos
/suicidegirls
/SuicideWatch
/summonerschool
/Suomi
/Superbowl
/Supernatural
/SuperShibe
/supremeclothing
/Surface
/Survival
/svenskpolitik
/SWARJE
/SweatyPalms
/sweden
/swedishproblems
/swoleacceptance
/swtor
/syriancivilwar
/sysadmin
/TalesFromRetail
/talesfromtechsupport
/TalesFromThePizzaGuy
/TalesFromYourServer
/tall
/tanlines
/tattoo
/tattoos
/tea
/tech
/technology
/techsupport
/techsupportgore
/techsupportmacgyver
/teenagers
/television
/tennis
/Terraria
/terriblefacebookmemes
/teslamotors
/tf2
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/thalassophobia
/ThanksObama
/thatHappened
/The_Donald
/TheBestOfAmazon
/thebutton
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/vexillology
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/voluptuous
/wallpaper
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/WatchItForThePlot
/watchpeopledie
/waterporn
/WeAreTheMusicMakers
/WeatherGifs
/web_design
/webcomics
/webdev
/WebGames
/weightroom
/Wellthatsucks
/westworld
/Whatcouldgowrong
/whatisthisthing
/WhatsInThisThing
/whatsthisbug
/whenitgoesin
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/wicked_edge
/wifesharing
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/wikipedia
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/windows
/Windows10
/witcher
/woahdude
/WomenOfColor
/woodworking
/woof_irl
/workgonewild
/WorkOnline
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/worldnews
/worldpolitics
/WouldYouFuckMyWife
/WouldYouRather
/wow
/wowthissubexists
/writing
/WritingPrompts
/WTF
/WtSSTaDaMiT
/xboxone
/xkcd
/xsmallgirls
/xxfitness
/yoga
/YogaPants
/Yogscast
/youdontsurf
/YouSeeComrade
/youseeingthisshit
/YouShouldKnow
/youtube
/youtubehaiku
/youtubetitties
/yugioh
/zelda
/ZenHabits
/zombies
submitted by kamahaoma to ListOfSubreddits [link] [comments]


2017.01.22 20:04 jls1515 Moving to Los Angeles in your 30s. Right move?

I've been living in the Washington, DC area for 10 years. I'm considering moving to LA strictly to boost my lagging dating life and slowly imploding social life. Not to sound like a bitch, but I've been feeling extra down and depressed for the past few years.
I think many would agree DC has fewer hot women than LA, NYC or Miami -- and probably other cities. ...Also, I love Latina women, and obviously there's way more in LA.
I'm 32, good career, good-looking, short though... I'm more interested in a LTR than spinning plates. I can generally pull HB6s/7s, but I really want an 8 or -- maybe too ambitious -- a 9. I think it's doable.
Due to my career options, it's either DC or SoCal (hard to explain).
I'm concerned about "starting over" at 32 -- leaving behind a (small) social network, and generally just feeling "too old" to do the stereotypical "big move to LA/NYC." I'll start off with no friends.
Honestly, a big draw is a total refresh with online dating. I've been seeing the same fucking faces on OkCupid for years, and the pool feels so small. I feel like LA would open a giant world of OKC, Tinder, etc where the numbers game would work better in my favor. And I feel like if I have to be single in my 30s, better in big, bad LA with sunshine, palm trees, more excitement, etc, than stuffy, cold, smaller DC.
I'm hoping for some RP guidance and wisdom -- I'd especially appreciate thoughts from guys who are 30+, particularly on LA/DC dating scenes/women and realistically "starting over" in mid-30s.
submitted by jls1515 to asktrp [link] [comments]


2016.08.16 00:26 nonononoandno My experiences with online dating like CL, POF, Match, OKC, LL & e-H

My experiences with online dating sites.
I'm 46. I'm a fairly handsome man, tall, blonde, glasses, average body type, not fat nor slim, just a hint of a belly, and I have many times been told I have really good skin and look younger than my age like someone in their 30's. The only thing really hinting of my real age is my slightly receded hairline and the thing I guess could be working against me in some women's view is that I fancy a short beard and mustache. I'm straight, single, live at my own place and I have a job. I could easily go for just sex, but I am mostly out to find someone I could love and be happy with.
Ok, I realize this will draw a lot of heat on me right away, but the women I find around my age are almost all not attractive to me. A female who seems young, healthy and fertile telling my ape mind that her hip-waist-breast ratio still can bear me healthy children will grab my interest. So I find myself looking for mid 20's to early 40's, preferably still without children, and of course I'm shallow enough to not find women past due the look of youth or anything that announces fat attractive. At all. Not even skinny women in the target group that look weird in some way will get my attention. So I guess I am aiming for what every other dude targets as well. I know I got myself to blame on that, and that is ok.
But having been in a relationship for more than a decade I have not tried dating sites until now when my relationship finally ended. I say finally, it has been many bad years we still have stayed together even though we shouldn't, because of offspring and economic reasons.
Dating online nowadays really seem to suck. I did my research and tried the biggest ones on the market. I refuse to pay unless I see that something is worth paying for, and so far that is highly doubtful. What is worst are not even the bots or scammers, but the fact that no one even seems to look at my profile. I don't know if I am drowning in real dudes and fake accounts and land on page 127 of any woman's search, or what really is the problem, but someone should try to do something about it.
I tried Craigslist (CL) first. I put up an ad with a nice regular presentation of myself, no dick pics or standing flexing my muscles in the bathroom mirror with a hard on in my tight underwear, just a regular face & upper body pic of me smiling a bit awkwardly, since I'm far from used to taking selfies all the time. Well that resulted in one answer from some 19 year old Latina girl that fairly soon faded out to nothing. She gave me her number and when I called her she just annoyed me. I also looked at the existing ads. I mainly looked at the women seeking men (w4m) department since the casual encounters (wfm) seemed a bit too ... much for me. I even tried to meet up with a mid 20's girl I found there for pure sex, we talked over the phone for quite a while first and it seemed to go fairly ok, but she never had (succeeded in) sending me her picture, and when she came by her anatomy unfortunately revolted me since she was very much overweight. I guess I should have been less tactful on the phone and just straight out asked her if she was fat. We sat on my couch and talked for a while, her mostly staring straight ahead and not at me, and I had absolutely no desire to go any further, so she went back home. At least she was real and not just out for my money, although a little weird. I had mailed with another girl that had answered another of my CL ads for pure sex, but she wanted to set up some sugarbaby arrangement. Sorry, I'm just not really ready to pay for sex yet, my ego still insist on getting it for free.
I proceeded to use Plenty Of Fish (POF). I wrote a long detailed funny informative text about myself and what I wanted, but even though I have been there a while and visited and written quite a few ladies I hardly have had any responses. POF has a few tests (5) and I took the "Chemistry Assessment" to check it out. I have not really used it though so I can't say what I really think about it. The good of the site is that it obviously is free, you can send and receive messages and even perform advanced searches without being prompted to pay up. It also has this "Meet Me" feature where you can see pictures of women and rate them Yes, Maybe or No. A Yes or Maybe seems to put you on a Match list that if they liked your picture too gives you an alert that you have a mutual match. Not sure how great this is since I only have had 2 matches and they never replied to my outreach, but it's a feature... It is also free to see who viewed you. Quite a few it seems look at me but never write me. I'm not sure what I am doing wrong, but it is not working. Maybe I'm just not good looking enough for them. Or the fact that it is free and relatively easy to join and put in a profile means it is smack packed with competition.
Next one was Match.com that I've heard so much about. Fat disappointment. I am currently 3 days into testing the site on a 7 day free test account and I have at least 2-3 times the amount of interest from bots or scammers than from real people. Seriously, it's not a good site. There are a lot of profiles on there, and many of them attractive enough, but the main problem is all the spam. That plus that I still have only received 1 response on my 70 sent out messages. That response was also a single word response on one of my more stupid attempts to an outreach so it really wont count. I have also chatted with a couple "Nigerian princesses" and Olga from Russia that wanted money so they could come by and see me. What annoyed me most with the site is that it seems to be stuck in the 2000's with very small profile pics. I am on a big screen home computer and I have the space. They also have a chat feature, but it seldom give you any result nearby, which to me is surprisingly bad. The daily "matches" provided seems random as well and the infrastructure of the site is frustrating and unappealing to the eye. I will likely end my trial way before the 7 days are over, that's how bad it all is.
Next one was OkCupid. Finally a site that seems to take it all seriously. The site structure is modern and fluent. The design pleasing. And they have this multi questionnaire that if you answer enough questions is supposed to pair you up with potential partners that fit your specific mindset. I've answered 444 questions so far - I think it's rather fun - and I have a 99.8 highest match possible, although I found after googling it that that number is not necessarily related to an actual person in the database, just a mathematical possibility, I think the highest comparability number I've seen on a profile is 93%. They also have a Quickmatch function where you see the full profile of people and either X or * them for later that I find quite useful since it is time saving and practical. The site is mainly free but you can pay to get some extras like advanced filters for your searches. These filters include specific body types, attractiveness, personality - this one is quite an interesting feature actually, and matches to the answer on a specific questionnaire question. There are also some other advantages like that you can see who "likes" you (that Starred you instead of X-ed you), and the chat seems modern, spacious and functional. I noticed that if I searched for narrower age groups (like 35-35 years old) I got more of the high match results for this section than if I searched for 22-42. And there doesn't seem to be many fake profiles on, I only encountered 2 or 3 so far and then were quite obvious asking you to go to this or that site. And most profiles actually seem to have something written in them, to compare with POF and Match where many times the presentations were just one or two fairly blend sentences long. I only have a few wishes about this site, that you could get better search results on Match%, as well as that you could sort those results on how many questions they actually answered since if you have a 90% comparability rate with someone that only answered 5 questions it really isn't that reassuring on how great you would be for each other. And distance from you. Sort of a search within a search, inception. Having the first lines from the self summary popping up in searches somehow would also be great. The only problem I have with this site, as with all the others is that I simply don't seem to get a lot of hits. Even though I've been writing several women.
And when I say written I mean I tried every kind of approach, funny, stupid, pickup lines, commenting on their profile text, questions, even really long presentations pouring myself out, really trying to make an investment. But nothing.
Some of my first messages on these sites were: - Ok, hypothetical first date with me?: We smoke pot and have sex all night in a tent on a hike in Yosemite and then base jump from Point Hike the next morning before going back on my motorcycle? One to five stars of likelihood? - You seem really cool. Want to meet? - (to a 6ft tall girl) - Want to meet eye to eye some day? As long as you don't wear heels it shouldn't be a problem :D - (to a 93% Match) - Hi, we seem to have a fairly high comparability rate, care to check me out? - (to someone that said they were a Feminist, even had it in their profile name) - You keep namedropping Feminism but you don't really explain what value aspects of it you have. Just curious... - I'm not sure what to write here to get a reply. It seems like whatever I say it really doesn't matter. I guess that if you don't find my profile pic appealing enough I just have to accept silence, but it would be nice to try to pursue romanticizing you. - (to someone that claimed they were half Italian) - I went inter-railing in Italy in my teens. Milan, Verona, Rimini. Ate one of the most fantastic pizzas ever in Milan. WE came to Milan late at night and still with our backpacks on we went looking for a restaurant. We only found one, and going inside we see it had these white tablecloths, an indication it would be way above our budget. But the lady of the restaurant ushers us in and we comply. She starts putting all kinds of stuff in front of us, bread sticks, salad, stuff like that and we (try to) explain to her that we want the very cheapest she has, but she keeps saying calma, calma. She seems to have taken a liking to us. So we chill. We order our pizzas. And I get this pizza in front of me that has so much filling it would be enough for 3 pizzas. Just wow. I can eat a lot but this one I can hardly finish. Half way through I stop eating and the lady comes to our table and asks if it is alright, if the pizza is no good. Or at least that's how I interpret it. I let her understand that it is "perfecto", but I need to wait. She goes on with a smile - "Ah pause?!" And when we finally finished she brings us this great little bowl of fruit to finish it off with. I could not not finish it, did not want her to feel rejected, and it is really good, but man, when we finally leave (after only paying for the pizzas) I more like roll outside. - One time I created a female profile just for fun (and research) and I was amazed at the steady stream of pure crap and needy messages that kept coming in. So I feel you. Now, I am super cool though, so you shouldn't miss out on talking with me, unless you are a f***ing dull person that doesn't enjoy a good convo.
So to sum it up. OkCupid seems like the best bet so far. I also tried Lavalife (that had like 1 profile in my target group that had logged in within reasonable time) that I couldn't log into again next day, even though I tried it from two different browsers. eHarmony was another try, but since I wouldn't pay I couldn't see any profile pics, and it kinda lost it's point directly then.
But I still don't get anything for it. Going out on the local nightclub is actually much more likely to give result, at least for me. Maybe I should just take that bartender course and see if I can get a job behind the bar instead.
submitted by nonononoandno to OkCupid [link] [comments]


2016.05.25 16:35 Devastator1981 Black guy here: What are the dynamics of interracial dating in DC?

Moderator: I know "race" can be a red flag in front of a bull, but I'm legitimately curious about this issue. If it gets locked/negged, I'd love for anyone to reach out in direct message. If it's getting out of control feel free to delete the thread--I want it to be about interracial dating in DC specifically, not a greater discussion of race in the world.
TLDR: There's unquestionably a bias we have to overcome. Not the end of the world, but any perspectives to add to this? Is it a matter of the scene in DC one is in? Why do other minorities seem even more judgmental against black people?
Here goes, first I wish many folks would stop saying "race doesn't matter" or just "get over it". Especially if people saying that are super good looking non-black minority (i.e. "exotic") or a white guy. You just can't relate really.
Second, I'm not talking about any one individual or situation exclusively but general patterns. I'm sure there'll be outliers, but outliers are not the normal.
In my experience, non-black women are not as approachable for me and many of my black male friends. This is weird as we're in DC, diplomats and melting pot and all of that and also because I'm able to be friends with both men and women from all nationalities and races. Another interesting thing is that I'd say Asian, Latina's/South Americans and Indians are almost often actually even less approachable than white women. This issue of other minorities being even as prejudiced against blacks for dating that is less talked about but just as prevalent. Read Dataclysm from Christian Mulder. He's the founder of OkCupid, he knows his stuff based on how people ACTUALLY BEHAVE, not what they say and he's found that:
I’m no brave crusader, but race (and racism) were part of my >education. So when, in researching the book, I unpacked three >separate databases and found that in every one white people >gave black people short-shrift, I wasn’t shocked, you know? >Asians and Latinos apply the same penalty to African Americans >that white folks do, which says something about how even (relatively) recent additions to the “American experience” have >acquired its biases.
Yes, we all need to improve ourselves and I'm by no means a perfect human being. I've seen many Asian's won't even smile when you greet them, they'll have this really stern look and sometimes even literally not look at you. I've been in group dinners where I've experienced that from Asians (both south Asian i.e. Indian and from Korea, etc) . I want to think it's cultural but my boy who is white will get the deer in headlights eyes, laughs, smiles often so it's not that. On the other hand, maybe it's because I assume white women, asians, indians, etc will not give me the time of day (but it's backed up by data and experience!) and it affects how I interact with them in any way let alone "approaching while out" i.e. a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Anyway race is clearly an issue. More constructive than just saying "it's not an issue" which is putting a crossface on reality, is for a discussion on how to manage it, re-frame it, use it to our advantage of everyone, etc.
submitted by Devastator1981 to washingtondc [link] [comments]


2016.03.10 20:52 TagProLeaderboards Daily Leaderboard Log/Statistics for 2016-03-10

View graphs and charts for this and previous leaderboards at http://tpl.faltro.com
The human-readable archive of this data is available at http://tpl.faltro.com/history/daily?date=2016-03-10
The CSV file for this data is available at http://tpl.faltro.com/static/history/daily/16-03-10.csv
# Name Points Games Wins Losses Time Save% Win% Tags Popped Grabs Drops Hold Caps Prevent Returns Support Pup%
1 LOdragon 3165 180 86 86 13:09:34 29 49 977 1050 732 664 1:26:39 68 2:23:43 868 2492 8
2 Logicus 2892 152 81 68 12:04:43 60 54 680 1159 823 750 1:31:04 73 1:16:17 494 2152 15
3 Cosine180 2739 116 88 23 9:05:00 43 79 902 702 611 529 1:37:36 82 1:29:37 696 1662 23
4 rashtastic 2099 105 61 40 8:29:45 67 59 532 807 616 548 1:31:12 67 0:57:07 464 1669 8
5 EatMyShorts 2091 105 55 48 8:23:30 100 52 549 627 465 423 1:08:42 41 1:22:29 444 1393 11
6 Nooball 1863 97 50 36 7:51:59 50 52 550 689 542 491 1:09:39 50 0:58:56 447 1655 9
7 BazzPotato 1780 100 37 51 7:49:15 - 37 555 507 286 257 0:27:44 27 1:26:42 503 1123 6
8 Scum Ball 1 1741 93 45 44 7:01:23 50 49 507 566 400 366 0:47:29 34 1:02:09 420 1323 9
9 I <3 FATGUYS 1722 107 48 42 7:30:27 50 45 445 607 449 411 1:06:13 37 0:55:21 359 1137 11
10 Dope Francis 1630 77 49 26 6:02:21 - 65 542 498 359 316 0:52:37 43 0:48:05 457 1062 11
11 Berlin_Ball 1550 67 48 16 5:47:30 - 72 456 537 466 397 1:20:54 69 0:31:26 333 1450 20
12 It'sLit 1527 67 31 34 6:12:21 - 47 549 447 357 327 0:42:31 29 0:45:25 403 1252 15
13 eldenn 1500 69 47 21 5:38:52 - 68 512 374 250 223 0:39:30 27 0:54:17 455 903 4
14 step 1495 90 38 43 6:39:04 - 44 422 639 414 385 0:43:44 29 0:53:13 334 1250 9
15 Jump Ball 1468 64 51 12 4:49:52 - 80 531 449 392 339 0:52:14 53 0:30:54 423 1231 16
16 Edd 1369 54 33 18 5:11:54 - 61 261 438 381 348 1:07:17 32 0:37:40 196 1056 14
17 BIG BEAR 1350 67 44 21 5:09:34 - 66 374 435 341 303 0:42:13 37 0:45:04 275 1062 15
18 AnnaKendrick 1300 48 37 11 4:21:07 - 77 510 339 269 236 0:34:03 33 0:47:24 404 880 21
19 SumYungBall 1299 64 38 21 4:54:42 - 60 494 391 303 262 0:41:05 41 0:41:28 422 718 14
20 #PLS 1258 64 30 24 5:24:10 - 48 278 443 371 335 1:10:18 36 0:36:57 211 809 10
21 il fenomeno 1216 54 30 23 4:51:08 - 56 379 405 298 266 0:49:13 31 0:34:08 266 1053 18
22 Cheezus 1178 63 25 33 5:10:06 - 41 323 535 422 387 0:48:57 35 0:27:13 250 961 11
23 Cheeky Pingu 1163 65 28 28 5:12:35 17 47 347 433 365 338 0:57:08 27 0:40:19 296 1165 11
24 PRNDLmoseby 1160 67 36 29 4:58:43 50 55 279 469 326 293 0:36:53 33 0:42:29 224 869 6
25 Grommit 1159 53 41 9 4:02:41 60 80 299 296 284 233 0:57:53 51 0:26:17 213 691 21
26 Sanitence 1159 59 31 22 4:36:53 - 53 316 431 359 324 0:38:42 34 0:38:34 239 892 12
27 imabigkidnow 1150 52 33 16 4:11:37 - 65 295 334 277 241 0:57:14 36 0:20:49 188 604 19
28 damontoo 1147 52 33 19 4:18:14 - 63 400 341 258 227 0:31:28 31 0:41:06 329 949 8
29 Ron the Duck 1138 56 30 24 4:22:35 50 55 351 368 277 249 0:35:04 28 0:41:35 287 818 15
30 -BallBoy- 1098 47 20 25 4:24:58 - 43 229 464 353 328 0:47:00 25 0:29:32 191 902 11
31 Perc 1096 43 23 17 4:13:46 - 55 334 282 189 176 0:26:33 13 0:38:07 264 603 14
32 Fifa 1089 48 27 19 4:14:57 50 57 305 369 346 301 1:04:09 44 0:27:56 228 909 13
33 Koala 1078 45 26 18 4:02:36 - 58 253 291 284 240 1:03:05 44 0:22:32 169 591 21
34 Thigh Gap 1063 49 31 18 4:01:56 - 63 239 353 286 264 0:35:20 21 0:28:29 176 768 16
35 globus-lag 1053 43 28 14 4:03:20 - 65 242 360 317 278 0:52:11 39 0:24:28 180 724 15
36 No-Finger 1041 50 30 17 3:53:31 - 63 242 330 279 246 0:45:36 33 0:23:32 200 762 11
37 A$AP Kracka 1025 64 27 32 4:36:33 50 43 184 569 471 444 0:47:32 27 0:19:59 160 1041 6
38 Zagd 1021 55 20 27 4:52:26 100 36 206 375 250 233 0:35:46 17 0:55:50 159 1013 8
39 Lucky 24 1021 51 21 28 4:14:51 - 42 273 314 157 147 0:15:47 10 0:45:14 214 524 9
40 Rattpack 1021 48 33 14 3:35:35 - 70 260 330 313 260 0:45:19 53 0:21:15 193 722 18
41 wtf_ 1007 43 27 12 4:01:56 - 66 330 342 265 235 0:37:23 29 0:28:17 250 741 14
42 Epiphany 990 40 27 11 3:19:29 - 68 352 266 238 201 0:34:42 37 0:20:57 234 761 31
43 Rothlesballr 984 52 20 30 4:20:06 - 39 277 425 299 280 0:38:37 19 0:30:39 239 884 5
44 nov4chip 955 48 26 18 3:43:38 - 58 215 282 216 201 0:30:14 15 0:32:48 158 772 11
45 DejaDoink 952 48 24 21 4:06:05 - 51 232 371 218 206 0:26:44 12 0:39:07 188 714 7
46 ThreeFingers 937 54 21 29 4:11:10 - 40 271 333 265 238 0:43:50 27 0:25:12 190 607 14
47 JohnHurt 937 40 23 15 3:35:59 - 57 229 291 228 206 0:31:18 22 0:30:04 177 616 15
48 captain-cook 935 39 26 12 3:21:27 - 68 241 282 220 200 0:31:57 20 0:21:28 203 764 12
49 logi_tom 933 46 23 19 3:54:41 - 51 230 343 251 231 0:36:00 19 0:26:27 157 687 15
50 piff 919 49 22 22 3:45:16 - 45 244 293 211 195 0:30:12 16 0:27:44 185 587 14
51 AdderbalI 916 39 24 14 3:16:55 - 63 257 333 278 236 0:48:12 41 0:15:05 181 733 24
52 mindswitch 915 42 25 17 3:32:56 - 60 268 309 253 221 0:36:48 32 0:25:48 189 646 18
53 aro 906 45 19 25 3:42:45 - 42 285 353 266 242 0:33:09 24 0:24:09 208 768 15
54 [burr] 902 58 18 31 4:03:30 - 32 298 341 261 235 0:41:13 26 0:28:05 225 747 18
55 Krysh 900 42 19 18 3:56:41 - 45 266 358 251 234 0:30:18 17 0:34:03 226 1022 5
56 [email protected] 898 46 25 19 3:40:19 100 54 219 360 268 237 0:38:12 31 0:16:27 174 617 11
57 Fairy 896 44 28 15 3:18:23 - 64 275 317 286 247 0:41:12 38 0:20:26 200 834 24
58 Raptor Poop 895 44 18 21 3:50:47 - 41 237 273 153 143 0:14:03 10 0:37:08 213 699 6
59 nohands 895 49 26 21 3:32:53 - 53 291 341 248 228 0:25:08 20 0:24:06 222 767 14
60 VinnyZ 894 41 20 19 3:29:37 100 49 301 281 211 194 0:35:19 17 0:33:12 182 703 22
61 Happy Shrimp 883 45 22 22 3:36:36 - 49 199 252 164 154 0:22:09 10 0:37:51 166 608 7
62 Perd Hapley 878 50 18 29 3:56:49 - 37 193 382 262 238 0:36:34 24 0:29:41 150 616 13
63 S0turi 878 41 18 21 3:49:50 - 44 186 293 219 209 0:21:59 10 0:36:31 156 824 8
64 young bool 877 62 23 25 3:58:56 20 40 218 434 345 322 0:38:16 23 0:22:48 163 700 9
65 @Aliciousnes 876 49 25 13 3:48:59 - 52 274 279 182 159 0:23:57 22 0:44:37 213 659 12
66 Sub Ohm 851 50 20 28 3:49:42 50 41 190 322 219 206 0:26:16 13 0:33:47 117 599 14
67 Fero 850 50 27 23 3:19:46 100 54 191 294 233 206 0:34:00 27 0:23:33 152 514 16
68 BallGasol 845 43 28 14 3:09:16 100 65 262 317 272 235 0:37:08 37 0:18:34 174 717 25
69 HeinousAnus 839 42 22 16 3:24:50 - 54 223 269 205 179 0:28:31 26 0:28:28 178 792 9
70 Selkie 836 36 19 16 3:11:25 - 53 246 268 221 194 0:23:51 27 0:28:30 184 747 20
71 meh 834 43 22 16 3:25:50 - 51 193 282 226 197 0:36:57 28 0:24:57 147 645 12
72 Chaaarge 829 46 21 24 3:18:49 75 47 263 256 217 199 0:27:48 18 0:31:26 219 726 11
73 Robopop 812 50 24 14 3:34:08 - 50 253 315 269 241 0:37:58 28 0:27:12 196 680 13
74 c-diggity 810 42 14 28 3:40:41 - 33 178 290 144 142 0:13:38 2 0:43:43 166 577 5
75 xcv 807 39 24 11 3:12:32 - 65 194 233 195 174 0:39:30 20 0:24:39 142 681 16
76 Chanterelle 803 36 28 8 2:43:14 100 78 288 229 174 152 0:20:28 22 0:12:47 171 579 33
77 Salanthas 800 40 26 12 2:56:41 50 67 168 231 224 189 0:45:28 34 0:11:21 116 384 17
78 F2PDynasty 794 36 27 9 2:44:40 - 75 319 215 204 166 0:30:15 38 0:22:48 239 579 25
79 Cupid 791 41 19 18 3:13:59 - 49 268 282 224 201 0:34:44 23 0:17:16 217 828 15
80 TimetoDefend 790 37 22 11 3:07:38 - 59 287 260 190 169 0:21:30 21 0:19:44 237 533 12
81 dantepicante 789 41 20 19 3:19:03 100 49 241 369 273 252 0:35:06 20 0:21:08 178 709 13
82 DET5 786 40 14 25 3:27:30 50 36 266 254 163 148 0:20:54 15 0:20:06 198 415 15
83 Smelly Cat 785 40 19 19 3:12:09 100 48 229 259 197 185 0:29:25 12 0:26:46 164 546 14
84 slow. 773 34 19 13 2:56:46 - 58 212 252 197 178 0:27:31 19 0:18:55 174 660 15
85 I <3 NASA 773 30 24 4 2:37:11 100 80 291 198 170 141 0:27:12 29 0:20:31 219 474 21
86 QueefLatina 769 33 21 9 3:02:45 25 70 240 268 194 176 0:24:43 18 0:32:42 200 696 12
87 ruff 764 43 16 23 3:26:45 - 37 202 375 232 222 0:23:37 10 0:31:26 169 591 9
88 I'm a Racist 761 44 20 16 3:13:20 - 45 275 236 171 152 0:19:00 19 0:43:01 249 760 5
89 BigAndBall 757 36 14 18 3:15:04 - 39 177 273 207 191 0:25:13 16 0:31:36 141 557 8
90 DuperDefense 754 46 28 17 2:59:14 - 61 327 226 137 125 0:18:57 12 0:31:36 272 535 11
91 notsomeball 752 32 21 8 2:38:37 - 68 227 213 186 171 0:30:49 15 0:17:58 189 498 13
92 Kumkwat 750 36 20 12 2:57:01 - 59 230 246 203 175 0:29:14 28 0:26:06 175 538 15
93 Slippin 749 32 17 14 3:00:02 - 53 256 232 178 164 0:30:15 14 0:27:00 221 323 18
94 Iron Balls 746 33 18 15 3:02:09 - 55 213 208 163 149 0:18:32 14 0:18:04 174 606 17
95 Wadup 742 40 20 17 3:13:41 67 51 283 316 225 207 0:25:57 17 0:26:34 216 671 16
96 Ballk 742 29 21 8 2:23:00 - 72 229 179 164 143 0:28:28 21 0:22:38 201 624 13
97 Nanek 742 45 14 28 3:23:41 - 32 174 357 255 241 0:26:33 14 0:36:07 136 615 5
98 Some Ball5 739 39 12 21 3:10:24 - 33 211 317 247 226 0:25:46 21 0:27:21 186 635 9
99 LoveYourself 738 37 20 10 3:06:53 - 57 229 197 166 147 0:32:08 19 0:25:19 195 491 7
100 Blue Hobo 733 37 22 15 2:53:18 100 59 211 293 248 220 0:32:02 28 0:13:23 161 545 13
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2016.03.01 11:36 clearliquidclearjar WEEKLY EVENTS 3/1-3/7

Back and back at it. Lost a day there, so here we go. Hey, this week is First Friday, so go enjoy the Railroad Square scene.
Tally’s Independent Cinema and Theater Offerings:
TUESDAY 3/1
  • Oglesby Union: Pizza & Parsha. “Join us for a yummy Kosher Pizza lunch, choose from a variety of toppings, while we discuss the weekly Parsha and its relevance for our life at the union in room 234.” Noon
  • Liberty Bar: Jameson Cocktail Competition. “We will provide punch bowls to the public as well as some light snacks while you watch your favorite bartenders explain, shake, and taste their way through Ireland.” 6pm
  • Aloft: Mac Coe. 8pm
  • Club Downunder: Standup Downunder. “This is the sixth installment local comedy series, with a twist. This event is showcasing only female comedians! Come relax and experience the comedy of local female students and community members alike!” 8:30pm/GP $5/18+
  • Warhorse: BACK TO THE GARAGE W/ JUAN WAUTERS (Queens, NY - Captured Tracks) & TALL JUAN - FREE SHOW! 8:30pm/free/all ages
WEDNESDAY 3/2
  • Bird’s Oyster Shack: Jim Crozier’s Wednesday Night Lab Session. 6pm
  • Fermentation Lounge: Quizmaster General Knowledge Trivia. “Quizmaster is hosted by Bennett Miller from 7-9pm every Wednesday, and features three rounds of general knowledge trivia (and a weekly food special). It is free to play and teams of up to 6 are welcome. The winner of each round receives a sample flight, and the Quizmaster for the night receives a $25 gift card and serious credit on Geek Street.” 7pm
  • Brass Tap on Gaines: Trivia. Check their FB page for the theme. 7pm
  • Hurricane Grill & Wings: Trivia With Greg. 7pm
  • GrassLands Brewing Company: BYOBG! Bring Your Own Board Game. “Our gracious host, Trevor Bond, will be featuring one game each week. Feel free to bring your own games to play & share.” 7pm/21+
  • The Junction at Monroe: Live Band Karaoke. 7pm/$10 coveBYOB
  • Proof: Bar Trivia With Hank. Here’s what I suggest: pick up an order to go at the Crumbox Gastgarden, bring it on down to Proof, order a brimming glass of locally brewed deliciousness, and show off all those random factoids you thought you’d never use. 7:30pm/21+/no cover
  • Krewe de Gras: Trivia with Mr. Matt. $40 first prize 8pm
  • The Warehouse: Open Mic. “There is a lottery for time slots. Now smoke free!” 8pm
  • Burrito Boarder: Karaoke With Nathan. 8pm
  • Just One More: Karaoke with Roger. 9pm
  • Bird’s: Comedy Night. I’m pretty sure this is both a performance and an open mic. 9:30pm/free
  • Bread & Roses: Monthly Meeting of the Membership. “This is THE regular Bread and Roses meeting Come help us strategize for improving the co-op and find ways to plug in! Coordinators expected and all members encouraged to come! Everyone welcome-members and non-members alike!” 7pm
  • Aloft: Mary and Aaron. 8pm
  • The Shark Tank: Insignificant Other (Gville) / Woolbright (Davie)/ Orangesoda / Lingua Franca. 8pm/$5
  • Side Bar: THE MERSEY BEATLES (BEATLES Tribute band from Liverpool!) “THE MERSEY BEATLES are a BEATLES TRIBUTE from Liverpool, England and have been the house band at the Cavern Club for the past 10+ years. The band tours with Julia Baird, who is John Lennon’s sister. She meets fans during the VIP Meet & Greet and then addresses the crowd prior to the show. It’s a unique experience for any true Beatles fan!” 8pm/$69 - pre show VIP Meet & Greet with band & John Lennon's sister and author Julia Baird (includes seat), $35 - seated tickets, $25 GA standing in the back, $20 student tickets (with ID at door, subject to availability)
  • Midtown Speakeasy: Rotten Collective Presents: Uv-Tv, GUTBOX, Soft Dom, Vile Body. 9pm/$5
  • Sidecar Gastrobar: Frank JONES Trio. 9pm
THURSDAY 3/3
  • Lake Ella Area: Food Truck Thursday with Naugahyde Park. 6pm
  • Junction @ Monroe: Open Mic. “The only open mic that pays the performers! Bring your instruments and play an open slot or just come and be entertained in Tallahassee's best sounding room!” Doors and registration open at 7pm/$10/BYOB (no coolers, cups, or non-alcoholic drinks allowed)
  • HalfTime Pie Pub: Trivia. Check the Pub FB page for a theme and possible bonus points. 8pm
  • Crum Box Gastgarden: Thursday Evening Sessions. 8pm
  • Dux (Crawfordville): Karaoke with Big Bob. $25 bar tab given away every week. 8:30pm-12:30pm
  • Midtown Caboose: Trivia Factory. 8:30pm
  • Gaines Street Pies: Bar Trivia With Hank @ Warhorse Whiskey Bar. With a picture round! Sound round! Speed round! Hoarder’s Delight drawing! And all the other trivias! Win a delicious 18” pizza! 9pm
  • Pockets: Karaoke Dance Party with Keith Welch. 9pm/21+
  • Birds: Karaoke Hosted By Jumpin Jams. Some of the most diverse and longest running karaoke in town. 10pm
  • Down Below (Under Barnacle Bills): Karaoke with Davin. 10pm
  • Civic Center: The Harlem Globetrotters 90th Anniversary World Tour. 7pm
  • Ruby Diamond: Jerusalem Symphony Orchestra. 7:30pm
  • Fifth and Thomas: Rann W/ Bairs And The Brown Goose. 8pm
  • Atmosphere Pub: VIKINGS on the Big Screens 4k HUGE Sound. 9pm
  • Fire Bettys: Blue Moon Circus with Thunder Snow Cone "Winter Whimsy II" tour. 9pm/free
FRIDAY 3/4
  • Parlay Sports Bar: Karaoke with Big Bob. 8pm
  • Just One More: Karaoke with Roger. 9pm
  • 926 Lounge (Formerly Pugs): The Friday Night Party. “Get ready to dance your A$$ off at the Club-Side Party from 9pm to 2am with high energy music from DJ Carben and DJ Double G along with the best show in Tallahassee at midnight starring Ms. Debra Adams and members of our fabulous Queen team!” 9pm/$5/18+
  • Down Below (Under Barnacle Bill’s): Karaoke with DJ Scott Long. 10pm
  • Stetsons @ The Moon: Karaoke with Johnny Ray. 10pm/$5/18+
  • Other Side Vintage: First Friday Fun with CYPHER Dancers, Steven Glazer, Turkey Scratch. 5pm
  • Mickee Faust Club: March 1st Friday event: MFC Prom 1965. “Coif your beehive, bouffant, or mop top, and grab that white tux jacket or powder pink ball gown (or both!). It’s time for The Mickee Faust Club’s first annual prom. The year is 1965—The Supremes, The Temptations, and The Beatles have taken over the airwaves and fashion is in a sweet spot between the greasers and the hippies! Bring some cash to vote and/or vie for Prom Royalty, proceeds support the creative antics of your own much beloved Mickee Faust Academy for the Really Dramatic Arts.” 7pm/all ages
  • Fire Bettys: Clever Girl - Vintage Pop Covers. 7pm
  • Augusta Conradi Studio Theatre: A One-Woman Play: My Name is Rachel Corrie. “Rachel Corrie is a Christian, American activist, who was killed in the Gaza Strip in 2003. She was protesting the Israeli demolition of a Palestinian home. She stood between the Israeli bulldozer and the Palestinian home, and, after a long stand-off, she was killed by the bulldozer. This play, which was eventually produced and directed by the late, great, Alan Rickman, is an assemblage of the diaries, letters, statements and actions of Rachel Corrie. The Corrie family endorses this play, and Ashley Malloy, who holds a BFA in Acting, has already taken this play on tour across the United States in 2014.” 8pm
  • TV Land: MEN FOR FEMMES: A Benefit for Take No More Fest! Featuring EXBX, Capital 6, Echo Base, Melt Channel, Yikes. 8pm/$5/all ages
Aloft: Jason Taylor. 8pm
  • Club Downunder: Deer Tick "Acoustic" Tour with Mutual Benefit. 8:30pm/GP $20/18+
  • Crum Box Gastgarden: First Friday featuring Little Mystic. 8:30pm/free/all ages
  • Garages on Gaines: First Friday Side Show with Sadie and the Kleins. 8:30pm
  • Corner Pocket: Jamie Eubanks Band. 9pm
  • Side Bar: Yamadeo's CD release party! w/ Unbreakable Bloodline, Oceanstone & Custard Pie. 9pm/$10/all ages
  • Bradfordville Blues Club: THE RANDALL BRAMBLETT BAND. 9pm
  • River Front: First Friday Male Revue @Frances Fire. 11:30pm/$20
SATURDAY 3/5
  • Park at Monroe: The Downtown Marketplace. 9am
  • Corner of Georgia & Macomb: Frenchtown Farmers’ Market. “The Frenchtown Heritage Market offers a wide variety of fresh, naturally grown produce. Live music, cooking demos, fruits vegetables, and honey sold directly by farmers.” I bought some beet jelly there last week, and it’s delicious. 9am – 1pm.
  • Wakulla Springs Lodge: Bob Carey on Piano. “Come on out and bring along your vocal chops, browse through my lyrics book, pick up one of my pass-around mics and sing your heart out, or just grab a stool and enjoy a fun filled evening of music and dancing. Full bar open til late.” 7pm
  • El Patron: Pasion Latina. Bachata, Merengue, Salsa, Reggaeton. 9pm
  • Down Below (Under Barnacle Bills): Karaoke With Devin. If you want to sing and drink cheap beer and liquor and not have to wait for huge crowds, this is your spot. 10pm
  • 926 Lounge: Sanctuary (formerly Blue Monday). 10pm
  • Natural Bridge Battleground: BATTLE OF NATURAL BRIDGE Reenactment. 9am- the next day at 4pm
  • Civic Center: Discover The Dinosaurs. Look, I’m putting this up here but I’ve heard nothing but bad things, so be warned. 9am
  • Early Learning Coalition of the Big Bend: Summer Camp Splash. “The ELC would like to invite you to our 6th Annual Summer Camp Splash. Our Summer Camp Splash will take place on Saturday, March 5, 2016 from 10:00am to 2:00pm at the Northwood Centre. This FREE community event will showcase over 50 summer camp programs in the Big Bend Region, and provide parents with the opportunity to ‘shop’ for summer camps for their children. We will also have fun activities for children of all ages including a bounce house, an outdoor slide, a massive outdoor sand pit, games, food trucks and much much more! And don’t miss out on the opportunity to win a FREE week of summer camp! Each summer camp will be raffling off a free week of camp, and you could be the lucky winner!” 10am
  • Florida Historic Capitol: Field Trip to Edward Ball Wakulla Springs State Park. “This excursion begins with an exclusive tour of the Museum exhibit, followed by a trolley ride to Edward Ball Wakulla Springs State Park. While having lunch at the historic Wakulla Springs Lodge, guests will enjoy "Mysterious Waters at Wakulla Springs, A Walk Through Time," a special presentation by archaeologist and researcher Dr. James Dunbar. The talk will focus on recent archaeological research at the Springs as well as the historic and prehistoric heritage of the area. Lunch will be followed by an ecological boat tour. Lunch, the boat tour, and transportation to and from the state park is included in the fee. Registration and pre-payment is required, and space is limited to 25 participants. The fee is $25 for Museum Members and $30 for non-Members. Call 487-1902 to register.” 10am
  • Cascades Park: Big Bend Florida Water Festival. “The Festival features fun and informative activities, enlightening displays explained by water experts, and interactive demonstrations. Water quality professionals are available to answer questions and share their passion about protecting our state's most valuable resource – WATER.” 10am-2pm
  • Tallahassee Nurseries: Annual Daffodil Show. 10am-5pm
  • DoubleTree: Theatre Tallahassee Curtains Up Gala. 6pm/$75
  • Atmosphere Pub: SUNGHOSTS w/ The Howling Tongues, and more TBA. 8pm
  • The Shark Tank: WET NURSE RECORD RELEASE SHOW w/ Repo Man, Blemish, and Annacrusis . 8pm/$5
  • Side Bar: Pastor Troy. 9pm
  • Bird’s Oyster Shack: Ninja III: The Domination A MACHO MARCH Trash Cinema Event! “Get ready for plenty of gym footage, spandex clad asses, golf course massacres, the most sexual use of V-8 juice in cinematic history, awesomely brutal and fun ninja fight scenes and a bouncy, spinning, exorcism like none you've ever seen! So, come on out to Bird's Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack Saturday March 5th for MACHO MARCH'! Bring your friends, grab a pitcher of your favortie ice cold adult beverage, suck down some salty love on the half shell or sink your teeth into the BEST damn burger in Tallahassee and hold on your sanity as Ninja III: The Domination blows your filthy little mind!” 9pm
  • Bradfordville Blues Club: THE BRANDON SANTINI BAND. 10pm
SUNDAY 3/6
  • Lake Ella: Sunday Brunch. 11am
  • Salty Dawg Pub & Deli: The Famous Acoustic Jam w/ Wayne, Glenn, and Bo. Open mic, free beer for performers. 6pm
  • Cabos Bar: Bar Trivia With Hank. First place wins a bar tab, last place wins a greater sense of self. 7:30pm/free/21+
  • WHSU Studios: Downton Abbey Champagne Brunch. “Downton Abbey is ending, so let's go out in style. Enjoy a full breakfast buffet with champagne to toast the end of a fantastic series. Then we'll watch the 100-minute series finale. The event takes place on Sunday, March 6 at 11:30 a.m. in the WFSU Studios in Tallahassee. There will be a costume contest with optional entry. So dress in your best Downton-inspired clothes! (Costumes are not required, just fun!)” 11:30am/$55
  • Southern Public House: Mike Rychlik & Warren Sutton. 5pm
  • Bradfordville Blues Club: THE CHRIS O’LEARY BAND. 6pm
  • Junction @ Monroe: Blues guitarist Ben Sparaco. 7pm/$12
  • Theatre Tallahassee: Del Shores: SINgularly Sordid. “The creator of Sordid Lives, the hit comedy film from 2000, is back with all new hysterical, sordid stories. Del discusses the unexpected comedy of returning to the world of dating after divorce in your 50s. Tinder, Grindr, Scruff, OkCupid--oh NO, sometimes it's just too damn much! He shares a litany of bad dates and the trials and tribulations of being on the prowl again when you are a "minor gay celebrity". The censors will be absent, F bombs will fly and if you are easily offended--stay home.” 7:30pm
  • Ruby Diamond: Black Violin featuring the Tallahassee Youth Symphony Orchestra. 7:30pm
  • TV Land: Braver(Mpls)/Fraidykat/Annacrusis. 9pm/$5
  • 926 Lounge: Sordid Sunday - The Official Del Shores Afterparty. “Party with Sordid Lives creator Del Shores along with performances from the 926 Queens at 12:30. DJ Carben and DJ Double G will be spinning the tunes to keep the night hopping along with drink specials all night long! Show your Del Shores ticket stub or program at the door for a special treat!!” 10pm/$5 for 21+ and $7 for 18-21
MONDAY 3/7
  • Burrito Boarder: Bar Trivia With Hank. $30 food & bar tab for first place. Specials on shots and $2 margaritas. 7 :30pm
  • Waterworks: Patio Theater. 8:30pm/21+
  • Side Bar: MAC SABBATH (McDonald's-themed Black Sabbath tribute band) w/ Chilled Monkey Brains & Beneath The Barrens. YES, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE. 7pm/$14
Keep checking back, sometimes I update. Got anything to add?
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2016.01.08 00:23 mephislee Asian Guys Dating White Girls

This article is not intended to be a race baiting post. It will come across as harsh, but my intentions are to help.There is no politically correct pandering in this post. Just the straight up truth based on observation and experience. There are a ton of generalization in here and that fine because its the only way to make this the most comprehensive and helpful guide of Asian men who want to date in the US.
Small penis, good at math, poor lover in bed/asexual, below average physique, non-masculine...most of us know the stereotypes of Asian men. I spent three amazing years as an exchange student in Asia when I was in college and over 5 years running a business(in the U.S) where I recruited and trained over 70 Asian sales reps courtesy of some connections I made while in Asia. Most of them were men and due to the nature of my business, the topic of dating and women was brought up often. While I trained them to become successful at sales, I also coached a few of them on dating Western women. 90% of my sales team were straight from Asia. Its no secret that Asian men (East Asian) and Black women are the least desirable ethnically in the dating world. Yes, this sounds harsh, but the stats don't lie.
I've met many Asian guys who have amazing success with women, but the majority of them sadly, don't have any success. The problem is that Asian men cockblock themselves. Really hard. Some Asian men are only into Asian women- if that you, more power to you. This article will still help you, though.
Others ( a solid majority) are into Western women. Specifically, White women. Unfortunately, the average white woman does not watch porn with an lead Asian male. She does not look at an Asian man and get the tingles. Prince Charming is a White Man. Women are more concerned than men about what their friends think about the men they are dating and the men they hook up with. Most women will deny this- that's fine because here's my first test to any woman who says anything along the lines of "Asian men are just like any other, it depends on the guy, etc."
I ask:
Can you quickly name 5 famous white guys you find attractive? Easy. Can you quickly name 5 famous black guys you find attractive? Pretty easy. Can you quickly name 5 famous latino guys you find attractive? Not too hard. Can you quickly name 5 famous asian guys you find attractive? Um... there's that guy on The Walking Dead.
Lets face it. Things are pretty shit for most Asian guys in the dating world.
Before I get started on what Asian men can do to date more Western, preferable White women, here are the pros and cons of Asian Men dating in the United States:
Cons:
1) Asian men buy into what the media and entertainment industry say about them. 2) Asian culture in general does not encourage dating from an early age- even in Asian-American households. As a result, the majority of Asian men grow up lacking basic dating skills. 3) Educated Asian men are in predominantly male-dominated careers such as math and engineering. There isn't much access to women in these fields. 4) Asian men have less sexual experience than their western counterparts, mainly because sex is a serious taboo in almost all Asian cultures. 5) There is a stigma towards divorcees and women who have had many partners in most Asian cultures- particularly IN Asia.This attitude and mindset subtly infiltrates the dating habits of Asian men in the US. In Asia, most Asian women married to White men are divorcees. A virgin, attractive Asian woman is a prize in Asia. A divorcee is automatically assumed to have some sort of defect. When you have that attitude towards women- you're going to find it very challenging to date or get laid in the States. 6) Collectivism Mindset. Collectivism is the practice of giving a group priority over each individual in it. Asian cultures are largely collectivist, which simply means they think and behave as one unit-even when they come to the United States. While this mindset is useful for business and cultural success, it is downright deadly for dating outside of ones race.
Examples of Asian Collectivism are: *Avoidance of direct confrontation-a tendency to avoid the word "no". "No" destroys the harmony of a group. *Working well in groups which will protect you in exchange for loyalty and compliance. As opposed to showing initiative or doing tasks independently.Hence, you are more likely to see Chinese, Vietnamese and Korean entrepreneurs dominating a certain niches by relying on each other.
*The importance of marriage and a family in determining your self esteem. Over 30 and not married? In most cases, you're a loser in Asian cultures. The pressure to marry and have children is simply to establish a socially acceptable lifestyle and not rock the harmonious collectivist boat. Conversely, Western cultures are individualistic- personality and uniqueness are highly encouraged. Travel to Asia and apart from a few areas that cater to expatriates, you will not find White American men overwhelmingly working in one niche(with the exception to “Internet Marketing Lifestyle Entrepreneurs”) or living in one area. The only think they have in common is hooking up with divorced Asian women :)
An Individualist culture promotes breaking free of the crowd, being different and encourages the idea that success is possible when you think differently. 7) White women prefer their own race over others. As I stated earlier, Prince Charming is white.
The dominant culture in the United States is the White culture. Biologically, a woman is attracted to the male in the species whom is most likely to be a provider and whose can ensure the survival of her children.
White men, overwhelmingly are the hero's on TV screens, they are the wealthiest men in this country, they are the leaders and they write the law. Look at the facebook page of any Asian-American woman. Does she have more Asian males friends or more White male friends?
Pros
Its 2016. More young white women than ever, are willing to give Asian men a chance, despite their preference for white men. 1) Asian men age better. This is a fact. An Asian men with the right genetics can date women in their early 20s well into his 40's. 2) Asian men try harder in bed. White women whom I've spoken to tell me that to combat the negative stereotype of Asian men being bad lovers, Asian men tend to try and compensate sexually by trying harder to please a woman. 3) African American women and Latinas will be more open to dating you. My Asian wingmen who date on OkCupid and Tinder all agree that they get the most love from black women. Black women are the most ignored in the dating pool- by all races of men. Any Asian man willing to be open minded, willing to look past the stereotypes and conditioning, will have some pretty amazing experiences with Black and Latina women. 4) Asian men are highly educated. Enough said. Asian culture highly values education. 5) Asian men have the advantage of a non-mainstream culture. You have the ability to bring women into your world. Most guys can only take women on predictable dates, but you can do much more- the food, culture and experiences you cab expose a woman to are different and exciting. Own your culture and be proud of it. The cons are stacked solidly against the pros, but fortunately there are a few changes that can be made that will make you overwhelmingly more successful than the average Asian man in the dating game.
There are 7 things Asian men need to get in order before they can have a shot at dating Western women.
1) Let go of your cultural conditioning:
If you came to this country as an immigrant/FOB, this especially applies to you. You were most likely raised in a country where it was considered rude to directly approach a woman and ask her out. Having a reputation for dating lots of women was seriously looked down on. Dating one woman and eventually marrying her was the acceptable social norm. If you want to get laid in the United States of America and not pay for it, let go of all your cultural conditioning.
2) Hang out with confident non-Asian men:
Five Asian men walk into a bar in Minneapolis looking to have a few drinks and possibly get laid. Q:How many of them get laid? A: None of them. You're not doing yourself any favors by hanging out with only Asians. Expand your social circle- you'll meet more interesting people, have cool experiences and you'll be more likely to date the all-american girl you desire.
Here's a tip that only experienced and seasoned wingmen will get: Asian guy+Black guy wingman combo = Winning. (Insert Rush HouJackie Chan/Chris Tucker joke)
An Asian man with a black wingman is a seldom seen sight and two of my close friends use this combination to devastation effect in bars and clubs. Stereotypically, both are unfortunately considered extremes in everything- from material wealth to penis size. But an asian man and a black man who have their shit together will get more curiosity and attraction than possibly any other wingman combo in a bar. For those who doubt this, lets pick a different pair of men and a city like Portland, Oregon. Two black men-regardless of their game, swagger or socio-economic status(unless they are famous) walking into a majority white and hipster bar or brewery will have a hard time leaving with two women because they will be afraid of being perceived a sluts. I didn't write the rules. I've seen it happen multiple times. Two White men with equal good looks, charm, game and swagger? Way more likely to walk out of there with two White women. Conclusion: Build a diverse social circle and if you have a wingman, pick one who is a different race than you. Don't hangout men who cock block you.
Not my precious accent! Yes. In fact, beyond the scope of dating, the only Asian men I have met who have thick accents and are successful in this country are business owners and the incredibly brilliant and talented in their field. As for dating, I have never in 12 years of business, dating coaching and having numerous Asian wingmen met an Asian man who was very successful in dating white women who had a thick accent.
I trained over 160 Asian men a 5 year period to sell to Americans- in the United States, so listen guys, the moment you open you mouth and that thick accent pours out, you are immediately filed away in the Asian Man Stereotype folder in a womans brain. Everything is triggered- Geek, Small Penis, Fob (fresh off the boat), non-masculine. Learning how to speak in a Mid-Atlantic or Transatlantic American accent. If you look it up, you'll usually get examples of old-time actors like Carey Grant and Audrey Hepburn- which is NOT how you want to sound. Turn on you TV and listen to how Oprah Winfrey and Ryan Seacrest speak. That's Mid-Atlantic American English.
4) Upgrade Your Style:
This goes back to another stereotype. Although there are many Asian men, who dress well, not enough of them dress edgy. You are already stereotyped as non masculine- dressing in a non masculine or nerdy way definitely does not help. Whats the solution? I suggest adding abit of EDGE to your style. Maybe you like rocking t-shirts. Cool. Throw a nice blazer(link) over it Utilize a few or all of the changes listed below: a) A current stylish haircut: Depends on your look and facial structure, but you can't go wrong with an sharp undercut in 2016 b) Tattoos: Not a necessity, but definitely edgy.
c) Add a few inches to your height: Compared to Caucasian men, who form the majority of males in the West, Asian men are short. You can't grow any taller, but thankfully there are comfortable stylish options that can help you add up to 3inches to your height. Calden Shoesheight increasing shows are the best.
d) Piercings: This goes without saying. Piercings are straight up edgy.
5) Hit the gym
For asian men, this is the one thing that will make you stand out from all other men. It juxtaposes your physique with your perceived stereotype of being nerdy and emasculated.
6) Get Your Life Together:
Women don't care about your Aerospace Engineering degree. They care about your lifestyle. Do you live the way YOU want to live? Is you life exciting and free? If you're broke- get your finances in order. If you're unhappy or have serious self esteem issues- fix them If you life revolves around your job- get some hobbies. Learn Salsa, learn a martial art, learn a new language. If you live in Ponca City, Oklahoma- move. If your family is guilt tripping you into living a certain way, when you don't want to, give them the finger. When you dedicate yourself to creating the life you want, you end up loving yourself more. You become one of the rare men of high value- which is what every woman wants.
7) Learn how to attract women: As much as it sucks, Asian men are at the bottom of the barrel when it comes to dating in the good ol' USA. Your game with women simply has to be better than those of the average good looking white guy. This means that you have to literally LEARN the skill of dating quality women. You don't have to become a PUA monkey, but you do have to educate yourself, read a few good books and most importantly, take CONSISTENT action to meet women. Especially the type of women you want to date
Asian men who have a preference for white women do have control of many factors.
I write at www.quitporngetgirls.com
submitted by mephislee to interracialdating [link] [comments]


2015.10.26 03:50 throwaway195945 I [21f] am in love with my boyfriend [23m] of almost a year and a half but I also have feelings for the guy [21-23?m] I cheated on him with. Feeling doubtful about our unconventional relaitonship. (LONG)

Okay, I’m going to start from the beginning. I started dating a guy named James in the summer of 2014. He lived in the city. Honestly, I don’t remember why I thought it was a good idea to date this guy. I didn’t even like him that much. We dated for like a month and a half till June, when I met my current boyfriend, Will.
See, while I was dating James, I also had an active OkCupid profile that claimed to be looking for just friends. Will called my bluff and we started talking. He invited me over one night for “Netflix & chill” and that was that. I broke up with James soon after. But, take notes everyone. Once a cheater now. I told James it was because I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship.
So in June of 2014, Will and I have gone out a couple times and one day he decides to tell me something. He tells me he has a fetish for seeing his girlfriends have sex with other people. Now, let me explain. We use a term called “hotwifing”. There’s a whole sub dedicated to it. He wanted me to be a part of that lifestyle. Sounded interesting to me, so, I agreed to start doing things associated with it in order to become his “hotwife”. Meaning, I start to have sex with other people by his request.
Fast forward to August 2014 (we’ve been dating for approximately 2 months now) I go on vacation to beautiful Orlando, FL. Before going, Will tells me how much he’d like to see me seduce and have sex with one of the hotel employees and get video footage of it. I agreed to attempt it. Over the course of a week, I flirted with, texted and ultimately, seduced one of the employees. There was only one problem in the end. There was no footage. I could swear that I had seen the flash of the camera while we were having sex. But yet, nothing was on my phone. I tried to explain the mistake to Will, but he accused me of intentionally betraying him and cheating on him. This was our first huge fight.
Ultimately, we reconcile, I come back, everything’s great. Fast-forward to March/April 2015 and my 21st birthday is coming up in May. Soon after, in June, is our first anniversary. In April, I meet a guy at my vet’s office, Jesse. He’s the assistant helping my vet do my dog’s check-up. While I’m leaving, I run into him on my way out the door and he asks me for my number. I’m completely caught off guard and I think, “I should tell him I have a boyfriend and just leave.” But something overcomes my better judgment and I say yes. We start texting. My boyfriend, due to the nature of our relationship, likes to look at my phone and read my conversations with other guys. He discovers my conversation with Jesse. He notices it’s not exactly like my other conversations. It’s more flirtatious, and he reads that I met Jesse at the dog park once and lied to him about what I was doing. I make up a heinous lie and tell him that “Jesse” is a girl from one of my classes. Pretty unisex name, right? That lie threw him off for a while.
Somehow, in the span of maybe two or three weeks, I started to really feel for this Jesse guy. We had a lot in common. What really got me though, was how he… courted me, I guess is the best way to say it. We went on several dates together over the course of a month.
The thing is, throughout all of this, my love for Will remained unchanged. Will is pretty much the first person I’ve ever been in love with. We’re a great match, his whole family loves me, and we have a lot in common. I’m extremely comfortable being myself around him. On top of that, he’s tall, dark, and handsome.
I can’t explain what led me to cheat on Will if I still felt like I loved him just as much as ever. Sometimes he frustrates me and makes me sad, but that’s an unavoidable part of relationships. There are some things about Will that are absolutely unchangeable. Behaviors, habits, personality traits. Things that I don’t like and I can’t do anything about. Those are the things that really bug me. His tendency to argue with me about things he has no knowledge about such as the struggles of latina and black women in society today, his political views about certain things (I tend to lean to the left in terms of political issues and he tends to disagree with a lot of my views). He also has some anger issues. He once got so drunk that he became infuriated and punched a hole in his closet door in front of me. He would have no qualms getting into a fight with someone on the side of the highway or outside of a bar if they happened to do him wrong. And then there’s his fixation with seeing me have sex with other men but at the same time, getting jealous when he sees me having anything other than a purely sexual relationship with said men.
Anyways, after a few dates, I met up with Jesse again on a weeknight. I told Will I was going to bed early. I said goodnight and headed to Jesse’s house. We watched Netflix and later, we had sex. Twice a cheater now. Everything we did together, it made me want to spend even more time with him. Something about the buildup had gotten me so excited to finally get to the real prize. Will had not spent much time pursuing me. We had sex upon first meeting. I knew I liked him from the beginning. But there was no charm. No hints. No teasing flirtation or suspense. I guess that’s mostly my fault, though. If I wanted someone to pursue me then maybe I should close my damn legs. Am I asking for too much?
I’m starting to think I may be polyamorous. And it makes me feel like a bad person. I know there are people out there who live in poly relationships and it works out great for them. But I doubt that Will would support the idea. Despite his unique sexual proclivities. This happened almost 6 months ago and I’m still struggling with the weight of my mistake. We seemed to have resolved the issue at first, but it kept coming back to fuck us up, especially since I insisted on continuing to text Jesse behind Will’s back. He kept discovering our conversations, confronting me, and we’d come to the same conclusion. I would delete/block/ignore him from then on. And I did, for a while.
But I honestly still have feelings for Jesse. Some time ago, he randomly added me on Snapchat. That began us talking again, sending pictures back and forth, even talking about meeting up again despite the fact that I know I am sneaking behind Will’s back again. I don’t know if I should break up with Will. I realize what I’m doing is completely and utterly wrong. But I have no fucking clue what to do about it. I’m terrified of what would happen if I ended up breaking up with Will. Our relationship is obviously an unconventional one. I have, obviously, done a few things I’m not exactly proud of. A truth like this is not one to keep from future suitors. And I can’t imagine many men who would listen to my story and say, “Eh, yeah, I think I still want to date this girl.”
Very few people know about Will and I’s “activities”. Will is extremely private and I can count the amount of people who know about us on one hand. It is becoming a huge burden on me to keep these secrets to myself. I need to talk to someone about what I’m going through but I’m terrified of the stigma I’ll face. If there’s anyone who can give me any advice on how to deal with this clusterfuck of a situation, I appreciate all attempts.
tl;dr: I am my boyfriend's "hot wife" and have sex with other men with his blessing. I love my boyfriend more than anything but I may also be in love with the man I "cheated" on him with. Can I be in love with them both? Am I just a compulsive cheateliar? How do I live with myself if so? And finally, is our relationship even healthy?
submitted by throwaway195945 to relationships [link] [comments]


2015.09.28 05:16 Throwawayorwhatevz I, [19/F], am undesirable.

Hi! So I'm a dark skinned 19 year old (think Alek Wek) and I'm cursed into being attracted to white guys. Specifically the really attractive, slightly muscular, indie guys. Think.. I guess, Cam Gigandet? Aaron Johnson? I'm really shy/introverted so I try online dating often, but as you know..white guys (well, all guys actually...) ignore black girls like the plague.
It really takes a jab at my self esteem like.. I'm not as good as those Asian, Latina and White girls out there. So it really digs me into fierce depression and self deprecation. One of my best Asian girl friends uses OK Cupid and has no trouble swinging any white guys at all (that's what she's into, and they all flock to her basically). I do love white boys, any guys actually, but I feel like crap honestly. No guys of any race approaches me. I may be shy, but I'm friendly. And I keep a conversation going when anyone talks to me. I do personally think I'm a really cute brown skinned girl sometimes, but often I doubt myself. What do I do? I've never had a boyfriend. I feel seriously unwanted.
tl;dr Dark skinned girl attracted to white guys. Not reciprocated.
submitted by Throwawayorwhatevz to relationships [link] [comments]


2015.03.02 17:13 hephaestusroman Race & Rating in Online Dating (Dataclysm)

Continuing the discussion started in his 2009 OKTrends post on Race and Messaging, Christian Rudder devotes quite a bit of Dataclysm to the topic of Race and Online Dating.
Contrary to what I would have theorized, race and Match % barely correlate. He writes:
[T] four largest racial groups on OKCupid--Asian, black, Latino, and white--all get along about the same. In fact, race has less effect on match percentage than religion, politics, or education. Among the details that users believe are important, the closest comparison to race is Zodiac sign, which has no effect at all.
But as we know, that is not how ratings play out. Ratings of potential matches are dramatically affected by race. To demonstrate this, Rudder provides His and Hers bias charts of the "bonus" and "penalty" ascribed by and to members of different races.*
I'll let you people pull out whatever interests them most, but here are a few observations (mostly focusing on OKC's data):
*Some background. The Data is sourced from three different sites:
  1. OKC - for which /okcupid is a crystallization: Urban, young, overeducated, seculars. Biggest in places like SF and Portland.
  2. Match - Pretty much "mainstream" America, though skewing slightly towards the above because internet. Most popular in places like Atlanta & Dallas.
  3. Date Hookup - A site I'd never heard of, but which is apparently very popular with blacks and latinos in major cities. (Feeling left out).
Dataclysm Recap:
  1. In Defense of Pasta - Why Rudder thinks Copypasta isn't so bad.
  2. The Relationship Test - How analysis of your Facebook network after a year of dating can predict the strength of that relationship.
  3. Mutual Creeping - How FB creeping correlates with relationship strength.
submitted by hephaestusroman to OkCupid [link] [comments]


2015.02.12 09:06 swoopincups1 Am I just more desirable in person than online?

All my extended dating scenarios/relationships have been from people I originally met outside of online dating. I've met people randomly at bars, in classes, living situations, friends etc. My day to day look is definitely less attractive than pictures I have online. I usually will try to do my makeup and hair for a date, but I generally don't put in that much time into my appearance. I would say most of the guys I've dated from in person encounters are pretty good looking.
I decided to try out OkCupid/Tinder to check out my online dating possibilities. I had no guys I was attracted to message me. I decided I needed to take online dating into my own hands, so I started to message guys I found attractive. I got very few responses back. I don't have crazy high standards either. I would say my pictures are good as well. I have full body shots, face pictures, pictures with friends, etc.
Of the responses I received, I did end up setting up a few dates with the guys, but nothing came of it. I didn't really feel chemistry and told them I wasn't interested in seeing them further. I kept my profile active, but I ended up meeting a great guy through some mutual friends. We started out as friends and ended up dating a few months. We ended up breaking up because he moved for work. I also just graduated college and realized how difficult it is to meet people now that I'm not a student/ living in a student city.
I've been thinking about firing up OkCupid again, but I fear that it will be the same situation as before. I'm just starting to wonder if I am just more desirable in person than online. I have an outgoing personality, so I find it easy to strike up conversations with new people. I'm starting to think most of the guys I've dated like me more for my personality than my appearance. I may just not be as physically attractive as I perceived myself to be based on my in person interactions.
My other hypothesis is that on online dating platforms, men are less interested in mixed/black girls. I'm half afro-latina and half white. By American standards, I look black. I don't really have any connection to the black community because it's not really my heritage. My dad is an immigrant from Latin America and his first language was Spanish. My mom is blonde/hair blue eyes. I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood. People always say I'm "white-washed", which I find offensive because I am equally white/equally afro-latina. Point I'm getting at is America isn't a post-racial society. Although I look black, men may be more open to dating me because I'm not really "black" (I actually heard this from someone) and I fit more into the white American lifestyle. They can pick that up more in real life interactions. On online dating, I think men may be prejudiced (even subconsciously) towards dating a black girl because of whatever stereotypes they may have, which is a bit disheartening. I'm not calling anyone racist, but I do think there may be a prejudice towards dating a black girl from online dating. I should note I'm not saying that I'm better for being "latina" instead of "african-american". It's jus what I've perceived from how guys interact with me.
Do you think online dating is not for me? Why do you think I have such disparities between in person/online?
submitted by swoopincups1 to OkCupid [link] [comments]


2014.11.27 01:30 diegop012 Yet Another Disappointment. Are Dating Sites Good?

Yet another disappointment.
I think dating hastily is only making matters worse. Since my arrival to the Bay Area, I have been trying to connect with locals by playing soccer and attending dates. While the first one has so far delivered fun, distraction, and health, the latter has only brought pain and disappointment.
So far I have been on two dates. Both dates I met online through OkCupid. I became heavily involved in obnoxious dating sites after my arrival mostly because I lack local knowledge and I have no friends or family – I am literally on my own. In my first date, I met this cute Latina at a restaurant somewhere in Oakland. I let her choose the place given that I know so little about what is good and bad in city. She selected a cosmopolitan Asian restaurant – bar; I agreed and instructed her to meet there at 8 PM. I arrived at the place thirty minutes early because I was unsure of where to go and where to park. I sat by the bar and pulled out my Isabel Allende book to pass time. Thirty minutes later, there she was, standing at the door. One thing about online dating is that people seldom look like their profile’s picture which warned me that I also seldom look like my profile’s picture. I figured a seasoned online dater may already be aware of this fact and prepares, in fact welcomes, the surprise that comes ahead. She did look different, not as pretty or delicate as in the picture, but I took in her seemingly superficial imperfections as potential positives.
Unfortunately, she did not share that feeling. As soon as we said hi to one another, she admitted of making a mistake about the place, that it was not what she expected. That the food was different and the prices high. That reaction automatically rang a bell. Instead, she decided to look for another place on the strip, for which she finally chose, out of all places, Starbucks. I did persuade her to stay at place 1 for a little while, but I noticed her discomfort and disconnection. Have you notice when you tell a story that the receptor usually follows it with a question, a comment, or a story of his or her own? That never happened. I told her about my trip to Bolivia; no response. I quickly ran of things to say and stared in shame at the approaching awkward silence. I tried to walk her to her car to which she said “you don’t have to do that,” followed by “good luck in dating” as I turned around to perform the walk of shame.
Yet, at least she was honest and forthcoming. I wish I could say that about the second one. Again, we started conversation through messaging which quickly escalated into texting and then call. That first call, as always, was nerve-wracking. Surprisingly, our first conversation flowed fine. I noticed she was nervous and could hardly speak coherently. Her ideas were convoluted, and I had a hard time following her thoughts. Yet she seemed participative and engaged, which is almost always a good sign. I called her this time around, correcting a mistake committed in the first date – we did not talk previous to the date. I am sure that could have cleared many things. I was taught to learn from my mistakes, and since I had been off dating for quite some time, there was much to re-learn. The first date with candidate 2 went very well. We laser tagged for half of it, and ate and drank for the other half. We immediately clicked; conversations went smoothly, and we shared many things in common. For a neutral spectator, this would have been a near perfect date. The date went so well that I asked for a kiss, for which she said she liked things slow. I respected that.
Next day, a Monday, I called her around 7 PM; she did not answer. So, I called her a second time at 9 PM. Again, she did not respond. I left her a text message with a “just checking. Call me.” She responded neither. At this point, I was utterly confused. How could a date that went so well be followed by complete ignorance? My alarm bells began to go off. I started going through phases, but the one that endured was anger. I had spent an excess of 100 dollars on this date, and I was not equally accommodated. My initial date plan involved laser tag, but she insisted on food and drinks after that. She paid for half of the food bill, but drinks were all on me. I thought the date was developing so well that I just went with the flow; I thought it was all worth it. Oh boy was I wrong.
Three days later, she called back. I was heading home from my usual Saturday pickup game, and when I saw the number I felt happy. I was completely over it. She said she wanted to watch a movie or something at her place, which to anyone, that only means one thing: she is interested and she is ready to move to the next round. I prepared myself for anything: from cuddling, to kissing, to sex. I even prepared myself for only talking, as I was sure she liked me but wanted things slow.
While at her place, I sat on her couch a little unsure of how to approach her. She sat on a chair across from me as to avoid any contact. We talked for a while. She said she felt sick and had suffered a concussion, she believed, from an earlier fall. She felt her head throb and her temples hurt. I decided then that it was not the best time to do any extreme moves, yet I did try to kiss her after she finally sat next to me. Again, she dogged it. I said inside that she was not in the mood due to her current condition, so I kept quiet. After a while, we picked a movie and sat/lay on her bed. Instead of watching the movie, I thought the right thing to do was to treat her condition. I caressed her temples; I wetted a towel and placed her on her forehead; and I stayed up all night checking on her. I offered multiple times to take her to the hospital, but she declined every time.
Every now and then, I would see her, despite her condition, respond to someone texting her, even late at night. It made me wonder why she could not answer my calls and texts in the same fashion. I asked her to put the phone down so she could rest and recover; she said she was responding to a friend (henceforth called Texter), that it was alright.
Next morning, she felt recovered and offered to buy breakfast. So, I went home, got ready, and met her at a diner. We then talked about the night before and about other unrelated things. Finally, she confessed to me that last night’s Texter was someone who she dated. She said she did not know why he would text her after they have broken up. Apparently her Texter was someone she abused as rebound to recover from a 5-year-long relationship. But now that she had broken with this rebound pretender, she wanted him back. So, she asked me for advice as how to approach this very confusing situation for her. I was astonished; I could not believe my ears. I asked her “where do I fit in the mix” to which she replied “I like you only as friend.” She continued: “We have good conversation and we understand each other.” My face was falling. I asked her “why did you get on Okcupid. Why bother to open an account.” She looked as if she did not realize my confusion and said “for friends.” Right there, I realized I was in front of someone not too bright and not too clever. I was mostly disappointed because of her lack of intellect and empathy – her selfishness. I told her in a low keyed toned, as if explaining to a child: “no one goes on Okcupid to find just friends.” Then I very calmly told her “I am not looking for a friendship.” She was blown back (and I liked that). I pushed the check to her, asked her to pay, and kept silent; there was nothing else to say.
Under different circumstances, I would have entertained the idea of friendship. However in this case, I would’ve assumed a very high risk. First, she would keep in talks with the Texter to which case it was possible he could come back, and second, she would maintain her Okcupid profile and find a friend-with-benefits – the real reason behind her Okcupid account as explained by her. Either option would have left me in limbo and potentially expelled after my friendship was no longer necessary. I was to be used by her as a tool to weather the storm.
Here is the thing about dating sites. They give individuals the illusion of choice. Most users believe that there is always a next best thing; that their prince charming is always around the corner. Because of choice, seemingly superficial imperfections stand out, making users themselves superficial.
Imagine a world without dating sites, how did two individuals met, dated, and eventually married? Potential daters would have to draw from a very tiny pool of other potentials. Due to choice limitations because of less access to social circles, people would naturally bypass some imperfections in order to achieve matching. This behavior would enhance matching potential by humbling choice-making. In a date, you might be turned off by her nose, or the fact that he is not tall, or that she does not bake cookies. Yet, because of choice limitations, people would simply concentrate on appealing factors: her voice, his mustache, her feet, or his GI-Joe collection. The lack of choices pushed individuals to making the match because, otherwise, they would face the uncertainty of not finding new potentials. Before dating sites, there was no swiping or clicking to check the next potential match, there was only talking, engaging, and approaching. That is a far more energy and time consuming endeavor than just clicking, and that creates uncertainty. Anyone can choose or dismissed people on OkCupid, but not many can choose or dismiss people in real life. Instead of connecting, dating sites are drawing people away. Conversations are initiated and never culminated because someone better comes around. Some conversation are never initiated because users assume and stereotype based on pictures and profile descriptions. When a meet is achieved, daters realize that the person in front of them is unrelated to what his or her profile described: their facial features would not even match their profile pics. Disappointment sets in way before learning what your date really stands for. Dating sites have stimulated narrow-mindedness in dating.
Both circumstances taught me very valuable lessons.
1) Do not go out on a date without first talking over the phone. 2) Do not spend more than 20 dollars on a first date. 3) Avoid dating websites. Most love-seekers are drawn by looks and not profile descriptions which open the gates for selfishness, narrow-mindedness, and superficiality. 4) Be patient. 5) Improve your own self: your look, your self-esteem, and your social circle.
submitted by diegop012 to dating_advice [link] [comments]


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