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2020.09.30 19:40 Sudden-Yogurt-9095lesbian in a straight relationship. looking for someone to talk too or feel validated.
I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year. I came out as gay a few months before I met him but then I fell for him and pretended me coming out never happened, started repressing my feelings, and giving up on labels. We moved in together pretty quickly. I lately have been struggling really hard with my sexuality and the hardest part is I literally can not talk about it, or tell him what is going on when he asks what’s wrong. Deep down I know I am a lesbian. I don’t even know if I would use labels but I know i want to date and marry a girl. I just made a list of “moments I should’ve known I was a lesbian” and it’s actually so long. I dream about my ex best friend (who I was or am still in love with, and she said she had feelings for me but then freaked out and we stopped talking. I really miss her and think about her everyday) or any type of gay shit nearly every single night. Last night I had a dream where i hooked up with a girl and I remember thinking “wow it usually doesn’t feel like this”. Later in my dream I broke down to my boyfriend and told him the thought of living this life and not letting myself be with a girl feels wrong and scared me. When my boyfriend and I have sex, it really depends how it goes. Like we have really good sex, and I’m either super into it, or I get so angry, get feelings of hate, and am looking forward to it being over. I also cry almost every time when we are done about how In denial of myself I am and feel like a terrible girlfriend. Like when he touches me I always push him away or tell him to stop and I feel so mean. It shouldn’t be like that. He’s a good boyfriend and I’m scared no one will treat me better than him, and I don’t know if I would get jealous if he was with someone else. It sounds really selfish I know. But I don’t think being loved is enough. I want to be able to love to my full capacity. The comfort I feel with woman is amazing and it has always been that way. what is so hard about being confused and figuring myself out, is that I feel like it brings out a terrible side of me. I also feel like I don’t even know myself and I really want to understand myself. This is my first relationship, and I wouldn’t know how to end it. He is so in love with me and I can’t break his heart. But i just watch videos of gay couples and think “that will be me one day” and get happy. Does anybody relate to me? If you do, do you wanna be friends or at least tell me I’m not alone. This group is the only thing that makes me feel seen. Please dm me if you wanna be friends or talk about anything! I’d appreciate it lol
2020.09.30 19:28 flipper-1999I might be pregnant and I dont know how to go about telling my boyfriend
My boyfriend(20m) and I (21f) have almost been together a year, for the sake of this story I'll call him D. I had met D when I had gotten out of a shitty relationship. I was getting cheated on constantly and was just over all done with the dating thing. D ends up messaging me on instagram and we just clicked. Anyways we have been living together since quarantine started in March. We just got into a new place about 3 months ago and things have been going well. While we were in quarantine I had to stop taking my birth control because it was causing me to bleed for weeks on end and i was just in alot of pain. I made sure to tell D that I decided to get off of it because of all the problems it was causing. He told me he understood and that was that. We were being careful since I wasnt on anything and getting an appointment at my doctors to find another birth control has been damn near impossible lately. So this is where I need help. My period is over a week late and I think we all know what that could mean. My cycles pretty regular so I dont think its just late. I want to talk to him and tell him we need to go get a pregnancy test. But everytime I attempt to get the balls to talk to him I chicken out. We arent financially well off and I'm still living off unemployment while searching for a job close by. He has always talked about wanting kids of his own and I want them too. But right now I know its gonna be really hard for us. So I just wanted advice on how I could tell him this as easily as possible cause I know when I get nervous I'm just gonna start spewing out words and I dont wanna stress him more than this already will. Thank you for taking the time to read this and have a great day.
2020.09.30 19:24 ForAnonymousBullshitI grew up poor as hell and managed to bootstrap. I’m going to lay out the entire line of actions and factors and whether those events were “luck,” “specific personality” and/or “hard work” (you can guess which one is the smallest factor). I fucking HATE bootstrappers.
Title is the TL;DR. I’m writing this from my anonymous account (my main account is my actual name) to make clear that I’m not writing this to brag. I want people to see what that took. I’m going to categorize events into “luck” “specific personality” and “hard worker” - you’ll see how few events are the latter. Here’s what had to happen: -I decided what I wanted to do at a ridiculously young age and focused only on that (specific personality) -I grew up in New York in close vicinity to my desired industry (luck) -I laid out a plan to get there when I was 14 and followed it to a tee (specific personality) -I managed to get into a very exclusive program that allows high school seniors to work internships 4 days out of the week for 75% of the year, only available at 5 schools in New York (luck) -My dad is a recruiter and heavily instructed me on cover letters and resumes (luck) -At that program, my teacher would not let me settle. Because of that amazing teacher I made SEVENTY cold calls, wrote THIRTY emails and and lied about my age to get my first internship. (luck) -I started dating a girl who’s mom got me an interview at a higher end internship (luck) -I made another 44 cold calls and a little over 20 emails for my next step (specific personality) -I got another internship in California (not possible without previous instances of luck) -I worked my way to being an employee (hard work) -A connection got me an interview for a netflix doc (luck and specific personality) -From there I worked on countless projects (hard work) -Eventually was hired to co-edit a film that won a few awards (hard work, specific personality and luck in meeting the right people) -I am now a comfortable, award winning filmmaker. Hooray. Do y’all see how borderline impossible that was? SO many pieces had to fall into place to achieve this. BOOTSTRAPPING DOES NOT EXIST. HARD WORK IS NOT NEARLY ENOUGH.
2020.09.30 19:19 Ok_Breadfruit5729How do I (19F) deal with emotionally abusive and controlling parents who won’t let go?
Okay this is gonna be a long explanation so strap in. I’m the youngest of 3 and have always been treated differently than my siblings. I was always independent because my parents focused on my siblings growing up so I just parented myself. I got perfect grades & a good job so I never asked for money (something both my siblings did often). They both have good relationships with my parents but when they left home for college I became the butt of all my parents’ stress and anger. They scream and curse and blame me which has made me resent them and want nothing more than to leave the house. I’ve had multiple panic attacks in front of them and each time my dad rolls his eyes and as i’m on the floor unable to breathe he continues to yell at me and says i’m pretending just to evade my responsibilities. I have no love for my parents because I can not forgive them for the way they’ve treated me. I’ve told them so many times that I don’t like the way they talk to me and each time they just get defensive and angry and i end up feeling guilty. I have also told my siblings about how I was treated and since both of them have good relationships with my parents they have essentially ignored my experiences and have not supported me. This fall I left to go to college about 7 hours away from my hometown. Before I left I started dating my boyfriend (19M) and so we’ve been doing long distance (he goes to college not far from my hometown). He is genuinely the best thing that has happened to me and is my best friend. I’ve been in a long term relationship where I thought I was happy but never really was, and in this relationship I couldn’t be happier with myself and my life. My parents told me before I left that I wasn’t allowed to drive home to see him because it was inappropriate for me to stay in the same bed as him (he lives in an apt). They said they didn’t want to know that I was driving just to “shack up with him”. I honestly have no words for that. But, we fought with them yelling and me calmly defending myself because I am a pacifist. They said if i went to see him they wouldn’t pay for my college or my phone or my car. My classes are online so when I go to see him I can stay for about a week which makes the drive not so bad. Of course I’ve driven to see him regardless of their threats a few times and when they found out they got angry. In preparation for their threats when they found out, I changed my phone bill to pay for myself and told them that I would pay them back for this semester and they could have my car. When we argued about this I told them that I’ve expressed my negative feelings about their parenting so many times and that they cause me so much anxiety that I have struggled with (i’m on Zoloft) and again they simply denied my experiences and got defensive, resulting in me feeling guilty again. This isn’t even my main issue. My parents pay for my older brother’s (21M) apartment, school, pet, and car. He lost his scholarship and so my parents even had to take out loans to provide for him. This was my parents main stress when I was the only child at home so you can imagine how much of it was taken out on me. My parents paid a fraction of the cost of my brothers schooling for my semester of college and I even got 2 refunds from my school because of my good scholarships. One of these refunds was from a student loan that FAFSA gave me that I ended up not needing. When my parents found out about these refunds they told me that I needed to send the money to them because the school said it was a mistake and they needed to pay it back. I was suspicious of this so I called my school and discovered my parents lied. They are still demanding that I send them the money even though it really is my money as the student loan was taken out in my name. My brother has never repaid them and has never kept a steady job, yet they expect me to pay them back for my college. I run an art business and have been doing doordash and they demanded that I quit doordash and ask them for money when i need it. Yet they are simultaneously demanding I give them my refunded money? (which is almost $1500 by the way) They also expect me to live with them this winter as I have 2 months off from school. They will be living a few hours away from my school in a city where I know no one. They expect me to basically stay with them all day as I will have no friends and no where else to go. My boyfriend has offered I stay with him in his apt near my hometown where I have many friends and will be able to be social and be with my boyfriend. I struggle with depression as well as anxiety and so the thought of staying with my parents (a primary cause and source of both of these mental illnesses) and not being able to go anywhere is the worst idea I could think of. I have decided to stay with my boyfriend this winter and not give the money to my parents. However I have not told them either of these things because I am terrified of them and know that they will try to control me and stop me from doing these things regardless of my very valid reasoning. I just want to stop being anxious all day every day because of my parents and I have essentially come to the conclusion that in order to truly be happy I need them to not be in my life. I have tried so many times to work with them on how they treat me and forgive them for all the emotional abuse but I am at my end. I have no more forgiveness to give and I cannot bear to let them make my life miserable again for no reason. I will likely be transferring next semester to my boyfriends school and moving in permanently with him. His family loves and supports me and so do his friends, unlike my family. So essentially my question for you reddit is how do I tell my parents that I will be making these decisions for myself and for my mental well-being without feeling guilty? How do I keep them from gaslighting me and belittling my experiences and staying strong without breaking down? Should I even tell them at all or should I just cut off contact? I’m young and making these kind of decisions for the first time has been almost impossible so any and all advice would be appreciated, this situation is so complicated and confusing and has been causing me a lot of difficulty. If you read this far congratulations and thanks for listening to my shit lol.
Wanted to give some thoughts on which coaching candidates fit best with each team that is likely to be needing a new head coach at this point. This isn't to say your team will fire your head coach. Do recall that the Titans were like 2-4 before turning things around and making it to the AFC Championship Game, so there is still plenty of time for your beloved head coach to get things going. Besides, with no preseason, these games really don't count right? This is merely just some speculation about if your team fires a head coach, who would make sense. So, here's how I would assign things if it were up to me.
Dan Quinn was a hot seat candidate in 2019, and things haven't exactly improved, with back-to-back blown leads against Dallas and Chicago in recent weeks. If Quinn can't get things turned around, Atlanta may very well be ready to make the change, firing Dan Quinn. Right now, the Falcons are giving up 460 yards per game, good for 31st in the league, and 350 yards per game passing, also 31st. They need to get that defense revamped. A new coach will at least have the benefit of DT Grady Jarrett and LB Deion Jones, along with CB A.J. Terrell, who has acclimated pretty well so far, posting the highest PFF grade for the Falcons defense last week. If Quinn is fired mid-season, the Falcons will probably hand things over to Raheem Morris, even as the defense struggles. Assuming Morris doesn't get it sorted out, I believe the best candidate for the Falcons to consider would be Colts defensive coordinator Matt Eberflus. Some may ask why not the more well-known 49ers DC, Robert Saleh? My answer there would be that Saleh's defensive scheme draws its roots from the defensive scheme that Dan Quinn ran in Seattle, which led to him getting the Falcons job. Simply, the Falcons need a new defensive perspective, and while Saleh would bring a lot of energy, Eberflus remains one of the hidden gems in the coaching carousel. After originally agreeing to join Josh McDaniels in Indy, Eberflus remained on after McDaniels backed on. Now serving as Frank Reich's defensive coordinator, Eberflus turned around the Colts defense quickly, finding success with guys like Darius Leonard. Through Week 3 of the early NFL season, the Colts currently sit 1st in yards per game, 4th in rushing yards per game, 1st in passing yards per game, 1st in points per game, and 3rd in turnovers with 7 total. While it's been a fairly easy schedule so far, only facing Kirk Cousins, Sam Darnold, and Gardner Minshew at quarterback so far, it's a very promising start for the Colts. If they can continue to put up great results, Eberflus will most definitely be a top tier coaching candidate, and I like his fit with Atlanta quite a bit.
The Bears may have found the QB they've needed in Big D*** Nick, after he replaced Mitch Trubisky and orchestrated a comeback win, throwing for 3 touchdowns on the day. If Foles can recapture some of the magic that took him all the way to the Super Bowl in Philly, Nagy would likely save his job. Even if he doesn't, I think there's a good chance that Nagy stays on for at least one more season, perhaps working with a new rookie QB like Trey Lance. If Chicago fires Nagy, however, they'll still probably want to focus on the offensive side of the ball, as their defense has not been the problem for them. Instead, a new coach would also mean a new QB, and finding a good pairing there would be the most important piece for the Bears franchise to return to the playoffs. One coach who I think would work incredibly well in Chicago, especially if paired with a guy like Trey Lance, would be Titans offensive coordinator Arthur Smith. Smith made the decision to bench QB Marcus Mariota in favor of Ryan Tannehill in 2019, and it ultimately turned around the season for Tennessee. Since that week swapping in Tannehill, the Titans offense ranked 1st in yards per play, 1st in red zone efficiency, 2nd in third-down percentage, and 4th in scoring. Short to say, Smith's wide zone/play-action attack was exactly what a strong defensive team like Tennessee needed to turn things around. I think Smith could have a similar effect on the Bears, especially with a new QB.
Matt Patricia may have bought himself out of an early season firing with a win over the Cardinals, but he just his 10th win as Lions head coach...in year 3. Unless he can show that Detroit has turned the corner by upsetting the Saints this weekend, it's likely that Detroit will be in the head coaching market this offseason. The big question for the new regime would be the future of QB Matthew Stafford. He's a very talented QB, one who has largely been wasted with the inept management of the team and franchise. Stafford will be 33-years old next season, old enough to consider moving on, but young enough to see if a new coach can get 3-4 more quality seasons out of him. I think in either scenario, Bills offensive coordinator Brian Daboll would be a fantastic match for Stafford or a new QB in Detroit. At this point in the season, Daboll has helped turned QB Josh Allen from raw upside into an MVP candidate, as the Bills offense has been outright dominant. And while Lions fans may cringe at the fact that Brian Daboll has experience in New England, the difference here is that Daboll has actually found success away from Belichick and the Patriots system. While he'll need a strong defensive coordinator hire to work on rebuilding a mediocre defense, the new coordinator would at least have a decent starting point with CB Jeff Okudah, S Tracy Walker, and DE Trey Flowers. If he can do that, Daboll could get the Lions back into playoff contention.
Head coach Bill O'Brien is in the midst of another 0-3 start, his second so far as Texans head coach. While it can be understandable given the incredibly difficult schedule that the Texans have played, the frustrations with O'Brien started well before this. If they falter down the road, rather than recover, it would seem likely that Houston could move on from their head coach/general manager, though it's not a given by any means, given that O'Brien still has coached some quality teams in previous years, and is only in his first full-year as the GM. With QB Deshaun Watson running the show, along with All-Pro LT Laremy Tunsil, the Texans would likely be one of the most attractive destinations for any offensive minded coach. The perfect fit for Houston would be Chiefs offensive coordinator Eric Bieniemy, a coach who has received the praises of Andy Reid as a head coaching candidate from the actual press conference he was announced as the new offensive coordinator. Some have expressed concern over what degree of influence/effect Bieniemy actually has on the Chiefs offensive success, as Andy Reid remains the offensive mastermind as well as play-caller. However, my concerns over Bieniemy would be minimal, given that he's been praised and credited for the role he plays plenty of times, as well as the fairly successful coaching tree of Andy Reid previously. While he'll still need to build up a quality OL in Houston, Deshaun Watson would thrive in a system like the one Bieniemy has helped develop in Kansas City.
The Jaguars are already in a full-scale rebuild of sorts. They've traded away players to accumulate picks (4 in the first two rounds), and cut bloated salaries to clear up cap space. The brief optimism of the Week 1 upset over the Colts was short lived however, as they were beaten soundly by the Miami Dolphins last week. The biggest question for a new regime in Jacksonville is the fate of their quarterback position, where Gardner Minshew continues to be one of the few bright spots. There were some rumors of Jacksonville perhaps going for the Clemson duo, adding QB Trevor Lawrence with the top pick, while signing HC Dabo Swinney to call the shots. Let's assume that Dabo's off the table, Jacksonville has some options. Personally, I really like the fit of San Francisco 49ers defensive coordinator Robert Saleh here. I think his fire and energy would bring life to the franchise. His defense thrives in San Francisco off of a deadly pass-rush, and the ability to work with first-round edge rushers in Josh Allen and K'Lavon Chaisson seems like a perfect match. He'd need to have a plan for an offensive coordinator to work with Gardner Minshew, though perhaps he could poach a promising assistant with Air Raid experience to match Minshew style.
Los Angeles Chargers
The Chargers remain a very talented team, and thus, if they end up with back-to-back seasons of double digit losses (5-11 in 2019), Lynn could be on his way out, even after a very good 2018 season. The biggest piece to the Chargers 2020 season will be figuring out the QB situation, as QB Tyrod Taylor was inadvertently injured by his own team doctors, giving rookie QB Justin Herbert the chance to step into the role sooner than expected, including a very strong debut against Kansas City. If things falter for the Chargers over the remainder of 2020, the Chargers may be ready to find a new coach, one who can turn QB Justin Herbert into the franchise QB that LA expects him to be after drafting him sixth-overall. Personally, I think Bucs offensive coordinator Byron Leftwich would make an excellent pairing with Herbert, as the deep passing attack that Arians and Leftwich run in Tampa would fit well with Herbert's arm strength. Provided that Leftwich can find a veteran defensive coordinator to join, not too dissimilar from the Sean McVay-Wade Phillips pairing, think there would be a lot of potential for that pairing.
New York Jets
Currently the odds on favorite for the #1 overall selection, that at least offers Jets fans some hope in the midst of the ongoing fiasco that is Adam Gase. FOX talk show host Colin Cowherd did indicate that the Jets could make the early move to fire Gase as soon as tomorrow night if they lose to the Denver Broncos, a team that will be starting its preseason QB3 in Brett Rypien. Now, New York presents plenty of challenges in the size of the job, but the Jets have some decent pieces to build around, with OT Mekhi Becton looking strong to start the year, as well as DT Quinnen Williams already racking up 2 sacks after a fairly quiet rookie season. While Bieniemy is the hot name for just about every fan base, the reality is that he can only end up in one spot, and there will likely be better options available. However, I think there's another name on the Chiefs staff who would be a smart move for the Jets, a franchise that needs a good leader to help build a better culture in the Big Apple. That is Chiefs special teams coordinator Dave Toub. He's one of the best special teams coordinators in all of the NFL, dating back to an incredibly successful run as the Bears special teams coordinator, featuring All-Pro returner Devin Hester and kicker Robbie Gould. While hiring special teams coordinators is not all the rage these days, it actually used to be one of the best formulas for finding winning head coaches. They work with every part of the team, from the specialists to the DB's, LB's, WR's, and FB's who end up on coverage teams. Quoting Bill Cowher, "When you think about the special teams coach, outside of the head coach, you're the only person on staff who is speaking to the whole team. A lot of what you're doing is more about motivation than it is schematic. And as a head coach, that's what you're trying to do as well". Toub may not be the sexy pick to pair with a flashy new QB perhaps, but he very well could give the Jets the dose of leadership and culture that they need to compete for the AFC East.
**These candidates aren't as nearly as well thought thru. Just trying to add some other names to the mix, though to a certain degree, I think these wouldn't be bad decisions.** Denver Broncos - Living in Denver myself, I think there are too many Broncos fans overreacting on this one, but the NFL is not a patient place. John Elway has shown he has a short leash, after firing Vance Joseph so soon, and if Fangio sees a major drop-off, especially after Drew Lock returns, the Broncos may be in the market, perhaps for someone like 49ers run game coordinator Mike McDaniel, a rising star in the profession. Cincinnati Bengals - Zac Taylor did not find immediate success in year one, even if he didn't have much to work with. They've been competitive so far with rookie QB Joe Burrow, and provided they remain competitive with teams, Taylor will make it to 2021. But, if things take a turn for the worse and they look like the 2-14 team we saw in 2019, a decision could be made. Perhaps reuniting Burrow with now Panthers offensive coordinator Joe Brady is the move to make in this extreme hypothetical? Minnesota Vikings - Their defense is a disaster, and QB Kirk Cousins is looking bad right now. The Vikes just extended Mike Zimmer for another 3 seasons, so it may be too soon to fire him, but if the Vikings don't turn it around, would have to consider it. Vikings may want to consider making a run at a top college coach like Oklahoma's Lincoln Riley to give their offense the injection it needs. Who do you like for the teams with hot seat coaches?
2020.09.30 19:03 TheThrowestofAwayMy friend seemed to be a magnet for the paranormal
A friend of mine from high school seemed to be a magnet for weird and unexplained phenomena. I have 4 stories to share and 1 which I was there to experience. I still talk to her here and there but all these stories take place while we were friends in high school.
This is short but she told me she had trouble sleeping because she kept hearing voices in her bedroom. I asked 'well, what do they say?'. She said that most of the time she can't understand them except for whispers. But one night, she very clearly heard a female child voice whispering in her ear. The voice kept repeating the alphabet backwards.
She went camping with her family for a week. During one of these days, the whole family headed into town for some supplies leaving her uncle and their dog at the campsite. The uncle decided to roam around the area to collect some dry sticks and twigs for the fire that night. All of a sudden, their dog began aggressively barking. The dog was tethered to a picnic table so he was secure but continued to bark. Her uncle couldn't see what was possibly setting their dog off so after trying to calm the dog down with no success, he resumed collecting wood. There was an old tree at their campsite and the uncle noticed that he could break off some of the dead branches for more wood. The dog was still barking with no relent but the uncle ignored him. He went to snap one of the branches off this old tree but it was stronger than he anticipated and when he broke off the last branch, the momentum of his actions caused the limb to swing back and hit him in the face, breaking his nose. The dog instantly stopped barking and laid down. My friend told me she felt it was the dog saying 'I tried to warn you.'
She had two other siblings and all of them had their own room. One night her older sister came racing into her room saying there was a little boy sitting on her window, facing out and she wanted to sleep in my friend's room. This went on for a few nights until my friend got tired of having to share her room with her sister. Finally, she said 'okay, let's go see this.' The next time her sister came into her room because of this 'little boy', my friend went to check it out. Sure enough, she told me, there was what appeared to be a little boy sitting on the window. She said he was wearing clothes from the 1900s-ish but because he was facing out, she didn't see his face. She began speaking to it. "Hello? Who are you?" The boy turned around and looked right at her. At this point, she was frozen with fear, realizing that this was actually happening. She asked "wha-what do you want?" The 'boy' opened his mouth and began to scream. She nope'd right out of there. No one slept in that room after that.
This is the one I was there to see. She was having a party. It was me and maybe 6 other people. All of us were around 16 at the time. My friend said 'I'm going to get the Ouija board out.' Her board was old, passed down by families. Not one of those boards you could get at Wal-Mart. We were all in her basement and turned off all the lights. We lit a regular white cylinder candle next to the board. All of us were having fun 'contacting spirits' like Kurt Cobain (you can see how dated this is) and asking if he actually committed suicide. I can't remember who we eventually 'contacted' but this spirit was aggressive, telling us we should all die. One of the guys at the party got mad and thought this was all ridiculous. So he said, 'oh yeah, you want me to die? Well kill me right now. Go ahead.' Then he raised his leg over the candle's flame. I was a pretty skeptical teenager and I can tell you right now, his pant leg was nowhere near the flame.
But all of a sudden, the flame grew bigger and higher. He kept lifting his own leg higher and the flame kept growing until it was able to reach it. His girlfriend became frantic, telling him to stop. By the end, I swear on my life that flame was as high as 5ft from the wick. I am not making any of this up. These are the stories I remember from when I was friends with this girl in the first few years of high school.
2020.09.30 18:51 StevenStevens43King Art Oenfer and Son
King Arthur: In this article, i will be attempting to establish a probable root for the King Arthur legends. I will mostly be looking at it from a historical worldly point of view, as opposed to the otherworldly. I will also be looking to verify exactly how consistant with contemporary history, the legends are. So i will begin with introducing King Arthur, who i am sure requires no introduction. King Arthur
King Arthur (Welsh: Brenin Arthur, Cornish: Arthur Gernow, Breton: Roue Arzhur) was a legendary British leader who, according to medieval histories and romances), led the defence of Britain against Saxon invaders in the late 5th and early 6th centuries. The details of Arthur's story are mainly composed of folklore and literary invention, and modern historians generally agree that he is unhistorical. The sparse historical background of Arthur is gleaned from various sources, including the Annales Cambriae, the Historia Brittonum, and the writings of Gildas. Arthur's name also occurs in early poetic sources such as Y Gododdin.
Link for photo King Arthur Father and son: Now the first thing i find of interest, is the claim repeated by Geoffrey of Monmouth that the King Arthur was not one, but infact two. Father and son. And this is actually consistant with a couple of Irish high kings. Art Oenfer: The father is Art Oenfer.
Art mac Cuinn ("son of Conn"), also known as Art Óenfer (literally "one man", used in the sense of "lone", "solitary", or "only son"), was, according to medieval Irish legend and historical tradition, a High King of Ireland. . The chronology of Keating's Foras Feasa ar Éirinn dates his reign to 143–173,
Cormac mac Airt: And the son, Cormac mac Airt, whom is said to be the most famous Irish high king in Irish history, and many legends became attached to this figure. Cormac mac Airt
Cormac mac Airt (son of Art), also known as Cormac ua Cuinn (grandson of Conn) or Cormac Ulfada (long beard), was, according to medieval Irish legend and historical tradition, a High King of Ireland. He is probably the most famous of the ancient High Kings, and may have been an authentic historical figure, although many legends have attached themselves to him, Keating dates his reign to 204–244;
Wife rescue: Now just to confirm that we are almost definitely talking about the same individuals here, i will point to the legend where King Arthur rescues his wife. Pre gilfridian traditions
Arthur is said to have killed Gildas' brother Hueil and to have rescued his wife Gwenhwyfar from Glastonbury.
Link for photo King Arthur and his wife Otherworldly: Art Oenfer also conducts a mission to rescue his wife. I will also include in the quote the otherworldly myths just to establish that just the same as King Arthur, Art Oenfer also has the otherworldly myths included in his biography. Biography
Bé Chuille places a geis on Art, after he loses at a game of fidchell; under which he must leave Ireland never to return until he can find and rescue the maiden Delbchaem ("Fair Shape"). Art travels to the Land of Wonder, facing untold dangers and is forced to kill Delbchaem's mother a fearsome and supernatural figure, who has been foretold by druids that she would be killed by a suitor of her daughter. When Art and Delbchaem return to Tara, Delbchaem banishes Bé Chuille from the land, returning fertility to the region.
Wonderland: Now when the legends talk about the otherworld, wonderland, or land of wonder, as depicted in quote above, i believe them to be referring to the Lake district. And the reason for this comes from Art Oenfer's son, who is also said to have to visited the otherworld, in which he was lured with the promise of treasure, specifically a shining branch having nine apples of red gold. Reign
In the tale Echtra Cormaic (Lady Gregory, GAFM IV.11 "His Three Calls to Cormac" ) the Irish King is tempted by the sea-god Manannan mac Lir with treasure, specifically a "shining branch having nine apples of red gold," in exchange for his family. Cormac is led into the Otherworld (Land of Promise) and taught a harsh lesson by Manannán, but in the end his wife and children are restored to him. Also, Manannán rewards him with a wonderful gold cup which breaks if three lies are spoken over it and is made whole again if three truths are spoken.
Westmorland: Now what leads me to suspect this, is Westmorland city councils coat of Arms, which is a golden apple tree with a hook, which tells me the Irish legends are strong in this areas history. Coat of arms
Westmorland County Council was granted a coat of arms by the College of Arms in 1926. The design of the shield referred to the two components of the county: on two red bars (from the arms of the de Lancaster family, Barons of Kendal) was placed a gold apple tree (from the seal of the borough of Appleby, for the Barony of Westmorland). The crest above the shield was the head of a ram of the local Herdwick) breed. On the ram's forehead was a shearman's hook, a tool used in the handling of wool. The hook was part of the insignia of the borough of Kendal, the administrative centre of the county council.
The story is told that Achtan had a vision as she slept next to Art. She saw herself with her head cut off and a great tree growing out of her neck. Its branches spread all over Ireland,
Saxons: Now King Arthur is said to have fought a war against Saxons. Whilst the Irish legends make no mention of Saxons, they do mention a foe of Art Oenfer's running to Britain and coming back with foreigners and murdering Art. Art mac Cuinn
Link for photo Death of Arthur Oversea's conquests: Now Cormac mac Airt becomes a legend in Ireland for his endless military victories. He is also said to have conducted conquests on British mainland, aswell as going missing for periods. I guess this is where the legends begin. And this is where contemporary history comes in to play. Cormac mac Airt
Cormac's reign is recorded in some detail in the Irish annals. He fought many battles, subduing the Ulaid and Connacht and leading a lengthy campaign against Munster. In the fourteenth year of his reign he is said to have sailed to Britain and made conquests there. In the fifteenth, thirty maidens were slaughtered in Tara by Dúnlaing, king of Leinster, for which Cormac had twelve Leinster princes put to death. In other texts he is said to have been temporarily deposed twice by the Ulaid, and to have once gone missing for four months.
Tuathal Techtmar: Now, i already done an article on Tuathal Techtmar, so i should not need to go in to too much detail. But even contemporary historiand and scholars believe that just a generation before Art Oenfer's reign, an exiled Irish prince named Tuathal Techtmar was given support and an army to regain the Irish throne, in order for the Romans to have an Irish ally. Tuathal did take the throne, though his son was removed. Romans in Ireland
Taking the native dating as broadly accurate, another theory has emerged. The Roman historian Tacitus mentions that Agricola, while governor of Roman Britain (AD 78–84), entertained an exiled Irish prince, thinking to use him as a pretext for a possible conquest of Ireland. Neither Agricola nor his successors ever conquered Ireland, but in recent years archaeology has challenged the belief that the Romans never set foot on the island. Roman and Romano-British artefacts have been found primarily in Leinster, notably a fortified site on the promontory of Drumanagh, fifteen miles north of Dublin, and burials on the nearby island of Lambay, both close to where Túathal is supposed to have landed, and other sites associated with Túathal such as Tara and Clogher. However, whether this is evidence of trade, diplomacy or military activity is a matter of controversy. It is possible that the Romans may have given support to Túathal, or someone like him, to regain his throne in the interests of having a friendly neighbour who could restrain Irish raiding.
Commodus: And the son of the king of Britain that would have been involved in supporting Tuathals descendant to re-regain the throne, would have been Roman emperor Marcus Aureliuses son Commodus who was in Germania at the time getting work experience by going to the headquarters of the Marcomannic wars with his father Marcus Aurelius. Marcus Aurelius handed his victory title to his son, Commodus. Therefore if Art Oenfer was killed by Saxons now under the thumb of Marcus Aurelius, then he probably also awarded his young son with this victory also. Commodus
Commodus is known to have been at Carnuntum, the headquarters of Marcus Aurelius during the Marcomannic Wars, in 172. It was presumably there that, on 15 October 172, he was given the victory titleGermanicus), in the presence of the army. The title suggests that Commodus was present at his father's victory over the Marcomanni. On 20 January 175, Commodus entered the College of Pontiffs, the starting point of a career in public life.
Link for photo Commodus as a boy Arthur conquers Scotland: So, now on to the "unbelievable" and "fanciful" claims of Geoffrey of Monmouth. Apparently King Arthur that has already reconquered Ireland, also conquered Scotland, culminating in Bath (England). Geoffrey of Monmouth
culminating in the Battle of Bath. He then defeats the Picts and Scots before creating an Arthurian empire through his conquests of Ireland,
Link for photo Arthurs Crown Septimus Severus: Now this would have been during the reign of Septimus Severus (Second name is pretty close to severn, which is pretty near Bath), and during this reign, Septimus Severus almost succeeded in conquering Scotland/Caledonia, however he was made to withdraw to Hadrians wall when the Caledonians took 50,000 Roman lives during this war. But in actual fact, the Roman occupation was not everything we have been led to believe. I will explain why, later, but for now, in actual fact, the Caledonians pushed the Romans farther than Hadrians wall, squeezing down the West coast, through Wales, and not far from Bath. They simply cross over the Mountainous terrain. From AD 117
The most notable was in 209 when the emperor Septimius Severus, claiming to be provoked by the belligerence of the Maeatae tribe, campaigned against the Caledonian Confederacy, a coalition of BrittonicPictish tribes of the north of Britain. He used the three legions of the British garrison (augmented by the recently formed 2nd Parthica legion), 9000 imperial guards with cavalry support, and numerous auxiliaries supplied from the sea by the British fleet, the Rhine fleet and two fleets transferred from the Danube for the purpose. According to Dio Cassius, he inflicted genocidal depredations on the natives and incurred the loss of 50,000 of his own men to the attrition of guerrilla tactics before having to withdraw to Hadrian's Wall.
Link for photo 140 AD onwards Truce: The war ended with Septimius Severus recognising Caledonia as a seperate country, and offering Caledonians a truce, which the Romans never broke, as after 209 AD, they made no more attempts to invade Caledonia. From AD 117
thoroughness that led most subsequent Roman authors to attribute the construction of the wall to him. It was during the negotiations to purchase the truce necessary to secure the Roman retreat to the wall that the first recorded utterance, attributable with any reasonable degree of confidence, to a native of Scotland was made (as recorded by Dio Cassius).
Iceland: Also he is supposed to have conquered Iceland aswell. Well he would not have had much trouble with that, is it was pretty much uninhabited during his reign. However evidence of inhabitation in Iceland actually does pre-date the first official settlers from Scandinavia, and is thought to have been already inhabited previous to that by Irish and Scottish monks known as the Papar. Settlements and commonwealth
Link for photo Iceland coat of Arms Orkney: And also the Orkneys, apparently. Well, in actual fact it is not funny. The Orkney's had in fact been under ownership of the Romans since 43 AD when the king of the Orkneys was one of the eleven kings of Britain to surrender to the Romans at Colchester. Though there is no actual suggestion of an Irish invasion this early in history, so perhaps he simply obtained the Orkneys as part of the truce. Iron age
During the Roman invasion of Britain the "King of Orkney" was one of 11 British leaders who is said to have submitted to the Emperor Claudius in AD 43 at Colchester.
Gothland: Though, i fail to see the quandary Scholars and Historians have got themselves in to over the claim of whether or not Ermanaric truly was king of the Goths or not. Quite simply, Gothland in Southern Sweden is not called Gothland for no reason. It is the ancestral home of the Goths. Gotland
Gaul. Gaul is still held by the Roman Empire when it is conquered, and Arthur's victory leads to a further confrontation with Rome. Arthur and his warriors, including Kaius (Kay), Beduerus (Bedivere) and Gualguanus (Gawain), defeat the Roman emperor Lucius Tiberius in Gaul
Link for photo Pre roman Gaul Non other worldly: Now, i am going to go back to Art Oenfer and the lead up to his death. I originally gave you the otherworldly version of his trip to Wonderland, to show you how it matches up with the otherworldly accounts of king Arthur. But, now i am going to give you the non otherworldly version of Art Oenfer, and show you how it both matches up to King Arthur, and, contemporary history. Biography
Another fairy woman, Bé Chuille, who had been banished to Ireland by the Tuatha Dé Danann, fell in love with Art, but, when she learned his father Conn was still alive and a widower, agreed to marry him instead, on the condition that Art be banished from Tara for a year.
166 AD: It is quite likely that the campaign of 166 AD, against Marcus Aurelius was considered a huge victory for the Gauls, even invading Italy. War with Germanic tribes)
Far more dangerous was the invasion of 166, when the Marcomanni of Bohemia, clients of the Roman Empire since 19 AD, crossed the Danube together with the Lombards and other Germanic tribes. Soon thereafter, the Iranian SarmatianIazyges attacked between the Danube and the Theiss rivers. The Costoboci, coming from the Carpathian area, invaded Moesia, Macedonia), and Greece. After a long struggle, Marcus managed to push back the invaders. Numerous members of Germanic tribes settled in frontier regions like Dacia, Pannonia, Germany, and Italy itself. This was not a new thing, but this time the numbers of settlers required the creation of two new frontier provinces on the left shore of the Danube, Sarmatia and Marcomannia, including today's Czechia, Slovakia, and Hungary. Some Germanic tribes who settled in Ravenna revolted and managed to seize possession of the city. For this reason, Marcus decided not only against bringing more barbarians into Italy, but even banished those who had previously been brought there.
Link for photo Marcus Aurelius King Arthur I's death: Just as king Arthur is about to march upon Rome, he gets news his crown in Ireland has been stolen from him, so he heads home immediately and meets his death. Do you remember earlier in the article Commodus won a military honour for his non part in defeating the Gauls, likely by having Tuathal Techtmars descendants march on Ireland? Geoffrey of Monmouth
as he prepares to march on Rome, Arthur hears that his nephew Modredus (Mordred)—whom he had left in charge of Britain—has married his wife Guenhuuara (Guinevere) and seized the throne. Arthur returns to Britain and defeats and kills Modredus on the river Camblam in Cornwall, but he is mortally wounded.
King Arthur II: During the Parthian war, Roman emperor Caracella was assassinated at the behest of Artabanus V of Parthia. Parthian war
In 216 Caracalla pursued a series of aggressive campaigns in the east against the Parthians, intended to bring more territory under direct Roman control. He offered the king of Parthia, Artabanus V of Parthia, a marriage proposal between himself and the king's daughter. Artabanus refused the offer, realizing that the proposal was merely an attempt to unite the kingdom of Parthia under the control of Rome. In response, Caracalla used the opportunity to start a campaign against the Parthians. That summer Caracalla began to attack the countryside east of the Tigris in the Parthian war of Caracalla. In the following winter, Caracalla retired to Edessa, modern Şanlıurfa in south-east Turkey, and began making preparations to renew the campaign by spring. Death At the beginning of 217, Caracalla was still based at Edessa prior to renewing hostilities against Parthia. On 8 April 217 Caracalla was travelling to visit a temple near Carrhae, now Harran in southern Turkey, where in 53 BC the Romans had suffered a defeat at the hands of the Parthians. After stopping briefly to urinate, Caracalla was approached by a soldier, Justin Martialis, and stabbed to death.
Link for photo Parthia Carausian revolt: And do you remember i said the British based Roman empire was not all it was cracked up to be? Well, between the year 217 AD, the same year Caracalla got assassinated, and 289 BC, there was no Roman emperor of Britain until the Carausian revolt. Britain was back under a nameless leader. List of legendary kings of Britain
Link for photo.jpg) Carausian coin Gallic empire: And dont be thinking the Carausian revolt done Britain any favours. Britain at the time had been roped in to joining a de facto roman empire in 260 AD, which was probably their first mistake. The Carausian revolt gave the actual Roman empire the perfect pretext to come to the rescue and save Britain from this rogue emperor, and the Romans got Southern britain back in 296 AD. Revolt
2020.09.30 18:46 Father-Son-HolyToastA very long, twisted tale with multiple updates and a deeply evil HOA: OP sold a parcel of family land to a developer, who built a neighborhood. There's now an HOA, and they're aggressively trying to take the rest of OP's land. [Posted two years ago]
This is a repost. The original post is by throwaway50847. So long story short, today has been an absolute shit show, I can't even comprehend where to start. So my parents owned about 30 acres of land in the middle of nowhere Nebraska on the outskirts of town. My parents built their house in the late 80's and that's where I've lived my whole life. My parents passed away and I inheirted the property and it's all my land or was my land. Back in 2005, this developer bought up a bunch of neighboring land and wanted to my buy land, I told him I was willing to sell 10 acres furthest from the house (the adjoining section to his neighborhood). He asked for 20 acres and I told him that the 2nd 10 acres would be 3x the price and he agreed and we signed the paperwork and he bought the land and I was paid for it. End of story, or so I thought. The land sat empty for over a decade since it took a while for him to sell the plots of land he made to home buyers and his company built houses. From about 2005 to 2012, the land sat empty and I didn't mind, I still mowed the grass and what not to keep it tidy, but never tried to take the land over or anything. By fall of last year he had finished the entire area and there's about 200 homes in that neighborhood. Because of the neighborhood my 10 acres is now worth about 10-20x what it was originally worth and the HOA knows that. Since the September of 2017, I've had a bunch of angry letters and citations left on my property and in my mailbox. Some of them include: Having a barn larger than 7x7 feet (I have a 20 x 40 barn) Having abandoned vehicles on my property (It's a project car shell, that I'm working on. I have the actual chassis in the barn but it needs quite a bit of work. I bought an old rusted body and it sits outside and will continue to do so until I can deal with it) Having a non-coforming mailbox (Still no idea WTF this is) Having the improper roof tiles (Again, no idea) I ignored them and told the HOA members that I'm not part of their neighborhood and therefore have no reason to follow their bullshit rules. The HOA says since my property values have gone up, I owe backdues from the date I sold my land (BEFORE there was even a single house built) and have to correct everything on the list. The back dues are current $10,200 but they state that if I don't pay by December 31st, 2017, I will be charged interest that has accrued? Again no idea where they are getting the interest from, but I do believe their HOA fees are around $750/year. It'll cost me about $15,000-$20,000 to "fix" my house. I think it's absolute bullshit that they can even make me try to do so. 1) I went through all the documents I signed and not a single document from the developer makes any mention of a HOA or my association with it. 2) I have no idea why the HOA is coming after me. I live almost half a mile away from the nearest house that belongs to the neighborhood. The entire neighborhood has it's own little custom street signs and lamps. I don't have any of that, so how can they say I'm part of the HOA? They said to either pay up or they will put a lien on my property and take it over. From what I understand, if I pay the $10,000; doesn't that mean I'm admitting to guilt and be forced into the HOA? UPDATE: So just had a hour long discussion with the lawyer and he went through all the documents. He asked if I was sure that was every document and I told him it was and it was, when I sold all the documents I put them all in the same folder along with my taxes. He says that there is no chance I'm in the HOA since I didn't sign anything. He let me know that he'd be glad to send them a cease and desist letter to the HOA. I brought up adverse possession, and he suggested I don't pursue it since I want them to leave me alone rather than instigate anything bigger. So for now, he said to not pay anyone or sign anything. He'll mail out the C&D letter today and he says if the HOA tries contacting me, I should just tell them to contact him instead. So I think I'm in the clear for now! FIRST UPDATE So I met with a real estate attorney that was refereed to me by a Redditor on here and did the title search and I'm in the process of trying to find the old developers' master plans. So far here's what's been dug up. I sold my land to Developer A. He owned the land for about 2 years and then filed bankruptcy and lost the land to the bank. That's when the maintenance of the land went to shit and I was mowing it and taking care of it, cause the bank didn't care. Bank sold it to Developer B and that is the person that built the current neighborhood. We got in touch with Developer B and he said he was no longer part of the neighborhood and in fact, the HOA is in charge of the entire area. His company just owned the lots and they sold/built on them for the families and they have 0 say anymore. I asked him about the master plans and if he thought he owned my remaining 10 acres, and he said absolutely not. The entire neighborhood sits on old land + the 20 acres that were purchased from in. So he was helpful and it was clear he had no wrongdoing. I spoke to the lawyer to see if we could file and adverse possession on the land I maintained but he said it would be a waste of time and money, but I was just going to do it to spite the HOA. The title search and everything came up clean. It showed my parents as the previous owners and then me. So no way could they have owned my land. The records go way back, and there is a clear chain of ownership as my lawyer put it and it's incontestable. We sent a HOA a cease and desist letter as well to stop contacting me unless they have actual signed documents that show I was part of a HOA. They never got back to me. I was out of town on came back last night to my mailbox missing. It was cut clear off the post with a chainsaw (wooden post with a metal mailbox on top). I told my lawyer this and he says that it is a big deal and that USPS would send the person to jail? I repurchased an identical mailbox and set up cameras all over the property. If they try it again, I'll have them on tape. But the biggest thing we uncovered was that we found out what they are planning. Turns out that the HOA wants to put in ANOTHER community playground and a pool/clubhouse and they need land! They can't expand in any other direction since they're almost on the end of a highway on 1 side and the other sides are zoned for agriculture, they decided they'd try to take over my land. They have yet to also file a lien on my property so I'm guessing they were trying to force me into the HOA to make them sell my land below market value? Either way, they showed their hand and now I'm on alert. We filed a complaint with the police regarding the stolen mailbox and we have a paper trail for that now. It's just a waiting game to see what they do next I guess. Should I send them a letter saying I know their plan and there is no way they can get my land? They have their monthly meeting every 2nd tuesday of the month, so it's in a few days and I'm sure I'll be the topic of discussion. Should I go to it? SECOND UPDATE So I was away for the holidays and I came back on Monday to find my project car was towed out of my driveway, my pond was emptied out and filled with gravel and sand and a fenced off 2 acres (2 chains by one furlong) of my property closest to HOA. I immediately called the police and filed a report regarding the stolen property. The car wasn't registered and was just an empty shell so I have no idea where it is nor will it be easy to track. It's not worth a lot (maybe $2,500?) but it's the principle of that jackass president of the HOA. I had my lawyer draft up the C&D and sent it nearly 2 weeks ago and they haven't contacted me in any way except this. I hired a local salvage company to come tear up the fence this weekend and they are doing it free of charge since I'm letting them keep the fence to sell as scrap metal or whatever they do with it. My lawyer suggested I send up a letter demanding payment to fix my pond as it was filled in with gravel and sand. A local landscape company quoted me nearly $8,000 to get the pond back to the way it was so that is what he suggested I ask and another $2,000 for loss of use of the pond. The HOA has lawyered up so I think it's best I no longer post anything else on here until it's settled. I didn't want to leave you all without some closure since you all have been an amazing help. I've put a picture of the layout since a few people asked. It's bad but should convey the land. https://imgur.com/a/cGCnD FINAL UPDATE So after 6 long months, everything been resolved. This is my final post regarding this, already asked my lawyer if I could post this and he said go ahead. So the HOA board got a lawyer to respond to my C&D and they requested a meeting ASAP with my lawyer present as well. I didn't want to go but my lawyer suggested me hear them out at atleast. At the meeting, I noticed there president and some of the higher ups were not there. The board had no idea what the hell was happening and their lawyer was just as confused as them. After I laid out my timeline of events they thanked me for my time accepted all the financial burden of replenishing my pond, missing car (couldn't locate it), and damages. I got checks for everything and got my pond restored back in April and didn't really think much of it. I found out a few weeks ago from the new HOA president. Turns out the old president, tresaurer and someone else had been stealing money from the coffers. They wanted my land to expand and put in a pool, clubhouse and etc just as I saw on their website. The old board fined everyone a ton of money to get all the cash together and buy my land. Instead they spent it on themselves. They needed my land somehow so they thought they could just take over the land I wasn't using. Long story short, their entire plan fell apart after I fought back and brought to the other members of the HOA attention what they were doing. From what I've been told, they had to sell their house to pay back the HOA and have since moved away. The HOA has offered me market value for my land and I do plan on selling since I really don't use the land for anything and the money isn't bad. I did not file any complaints with the Postal inspector or anything, since the situation resolved itself. I got a new project car and for those asking it was a '98 Supra with a bad engine. My new project is a '67 Fastback that I plan on restoring to look like Elanor. :) I want to thank a ton of redditors for chiming in with advice including a few from Nebraska. silvoanimmo406dracofaerie2whatarestairs and others that PMed with advice and support. and lastly 20000to0 for advising me regarding nebraska laws and getting me in touch with his awesome lawyer(i guess mine now too)
2020.09.30 18:31 ThrowawayRA00058787My Mom(70F) continues a relationship with the man(65M) that threatened her to kill her
Just like the title says, my mother(70) was in a relationship with a man(65) from the senior community she attends. They started dating last year and decided to live together on January this year, but months later my mom found out he was cheating on her with other woman and when she confronted him, He told her that if she ever leave him, he would kill her and then himself. We called the police because of that and put a restrained order against this man, at this time my husband and I were living in other state and decided to move to live with my mom and keep her company. The problem is that we have seen my mom walking with that man near the apartment and then she'll pretend she was with her friend(55F) (this been happening for 2 months now) What should I do? It's not like I can ground her, she is not my daughter. How can I talk about this to her? I have told her before If she is not actually going with her friend, she needs to tell me in case of an emergency I can actually find her, instead of having to look for her at her friend's house and finding out she is not there. I was thinking just go and tell her about what I know and that she needs to go to a therapist, but I would like to hear other opinions, Am I overreacting? under-reacting? Please avoid comments about my mom's age, she is a woman with feelings and needs just like everyone else. Also English is not my native language, Please forgive my spelling and grammar
2020.09.30 18:27 2manycandlesMy experience 'coming out' to my family.
I mostly lurk here but have been poly for a few years. I've been in a triad for a few months with two beautiful people. I think the hardest thing about poly for me has, funny enough, nothing to do with my partners, but negative perceptions about it. I told my parents I was poly a few years back, and my mom especially had a big problem with one of my partners back then being married. Said a lot of awful and untrue shit about my partner who she'd never even met, and who was literally one of the nicest people out there. She spent a couple hours on google and basically looked for anything validating her negative perceptions about it, then tried to act like she knew more than me about polyamory and about my own relationship. She very much seemed to believe that the only reason someone would be poly in general, but also date a married person is if something's wrong with them, emotionally. I think she perceives all poly people as doing it because of having a bad childhood/low self esteem. My dad is a little more open but still implied that it was a dangerous and bad way to live. It was horrible and I was upset over it all for a long time. My childhood wasn't perfect and I did struggle with self-esteem as a teen. I can't say that that doesn't influence my behavior as an adult, but I really dislike it when people make out all 'alternative' communities to be something that people only participate in because they're messed up. It ignores their agency. I'm emotionally much better than when I first 'came out,' and I'm not planning to tell my parents about any partner(s) in the near term. I know there will come a time where I'll want to tell them a though, especially if I'm with my partners for a long time. I also know that they'll probably try to say bad things about my partners, and then try to make it about how they didn't give me enough affection as a child or something. Sorry about the book here. I guess I just wish I was resilient or brave enough to be open and not really worry about whether they like it or not. Has anyone else had an experience like this? How did it affect your relationship/willingness to tell your family about future partners?
Part 1 <-- You are here. Part 2 (Soon) Part 3 (Soon)
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The first person to ever tell me the theory was Iris. It was nighttime in 2015, and we were lying on an old mattress on the roof of a four-storey apartment building in a university town in southern Ontario. A party was going on downstairs to which we’d both been invited and from whose monotony we’d helped each other escape through an ordinary white door that said “No entrance”. It was summer. I remember the heat waves and the radiating warmth of the asphalt. Our semester was over and we had started existing until the next one started in the way all students exist when they don’t spend their months off at home or touring Europe. I could feel the bass thumping from below. I could see the infinite stars in the cloudless sky. The sound seemed so disconnected from the image. Iris and I weren’t dating, we were just friends, but she leaned toward me on the mattress that night until I could feel her breathing on my neck, and, with my eyes pointed spaceward, she began: “What if…” Back then it was pure speculation, a wild fantasy inspired by the THC from the joint we were passing back and forth and uninhibited by the beer we’d already drunk. There was nothing scientific or even philosophical about Iris’ telling of it. The theory was a flight of imagination influenced by her name and personalized by the genetic defect of her eyes, which her doctors had said would render her blind by fifty. Even thirty-five seemed far away. It’s heartbreaking now to know that Iris never did live to experience her blindness—her own genetic fate interrupted by the genetic fate of the world—but that night, imagination, the quality Einstein called more important than knowledge, lit up both our brains in synapses of neon as we shared our joint, sucking it into glowing nothingness, Iris paranoid that she’d wake up one morning in eternal darkness despite the doctors’ assurances that her blindness would occur gradually, and me fearing that I would never find love, never share my life with anyone, but soothed at least by Iris’ words and her impossible ideas because Einstein was right, and imagination is magical enough to cure anything.
I graduated with a degree in one field, found a low paying job in another, got married, worked my way to slightly better pay, wanted to have a child, bought a Beagle named Pillow as a temporary substitute, lived in an apartment overlooking a green garbage bin that was always full of beer cans and pizza boxes, and held my wife, crying, when we found out that we couldn’t have children. Somewhere along the way my parents died and Kurt Schwaller, a physicist from the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology, proved a grand theory of everything that rather than being based on the vibrations of strings, was based on a property of particles called viscous time force. I never understood the details. To me they lacked imagination. The overriding point, the experts on television told us, was that given enough data and computing power we could now predict the outcome of anything. The effect was that no one wanted to study theoretical physics and everyone wanted to make breakthroughs in data collection systems and biological hardware. Hackers created a version of Linux that ran from DNA. Western Digital released the first working holographic storage drive. The NSA, FSB, BND and other agencies rushed to put their suddenly valuable mass of unprocessed raw spy data to prognostic use. A Chinese bookmaker known only by the nick ##!! wrote a piece of Python code that could predict the outcomes of hockey games. Within a month, the NHL and KHL were scrambling to come up with ways of saving their leagues by making them more unpredictable. They introduced elements of chance: power plays without penalties, a tilting ice surface, fluctuating rules that sometimes allowed for icings and offsides and sometimes not, and, finally, a pre-game lottery by which the names of the players on both teams were put into a pot and randomly drawn into two squads. Given enough variables, the strategy did thwart the code, but the inherent unfairness of the innovations alienated the players, the draft made owners question why they were paying the salaries of superstars who played against them half of the time, and the fans simply stopped paying attention to a league full of teams for which their already dwindling loyalty had bottomed out. Besides, the code was basic. ##!! had room to expand. The KHL folded first, followed by the NHL, and then the other sports leagues, preemptively. They didn’t bother to wait until their own codes were broken. I remember seeing an interview with ##!! while this was still front page news. The reporter, a perpetually smiling big-breasted blonde with blindingly white teeth, asked him if he thought that hockey could be rescued by the creation of roving blue lines that would continually alter the relative sizes of both offensive zones and the neutral zone. ##!! answered that he didn’t know what a blue line was because he’d never watched a hockey game in his life. His voice was cold, objective, and there was something terrifyingly inhuman about the idea that a person with no knowledge of a subject could nevertheless understand it so completely. Content had become a mere input of form. By 2025, mainstream interest in the theory of everything faded, not because the theory was wrong but because it was too right and too abstract and now there weren’t any young theoretical physicists to help explain it using cute graphics on YouTube. We consumed what we understood and passively accepted the fallout while going on with our daily lives. The people who did understand made money, but for the rest of us the consequences were less than their potential, because even with enough time, memory and microprocessors the most we could know was the what and the when, not the why. For the governments and corporations pouring taxes and tax-free earnings into complex models of world domination, that didn’t matter. They weren’t interested in cause. They were in the business of exploiting certainty to gain power. As long as they could predict lightning, they were satisfied. If they could make it, all the better. Away from the cutting edge, however, like ants or ancients, what we craved to know was where the lightning came from, what it meant, and on that issue the theory was silent. As Kurt Schwaller put it in a speech to the United Nations, “All I’ve given you is a tool—a microscope to magnify the minutes, so to speak—with which to investigate in perfect detail the entirety of our interrelations. But the investigations still have to made, ladies and gentlemen. Have a hay stack, look for the needle. Know there might not be one.” In January, my wife and I began a fertility treatment for which we’d been saving for years. It was undoubtedly the reason we became so emotionally involved in the media attention around Aiko, the lovely, black-haired and fashionable Crown Princess of Japan, who along with her husband was going through the same ordeal that we were. For a few months, it seemed as if the whole world sat on the edges of its seat, wishing for this beautiful royal couple to conceive. And we sat on two, our own and one somewhere in an exotic Japan updated by the royal Twitter feed. It strikes me now that royalty has always fascinated the proles, a feeling that historically went in tandem with hatred, respect or awe, but it was the Japanese who held our attentions the longest and the most genuinely in the twenty-first century, when equality had more or less rendered a hereditary ruling class obsolete. The British declared themselves post-Christian in 2014 and post-Royal in 2021, the European Court of Justice ruled all other European royals invalid in 2022, and the Muslim monarchs pompously degraded themselves one-by-one into their own exiles and executions. Only the Japanese line survived, adapting to the times by refusing to take itself seriously on anything but the most superficial level. They dressed nicely, acted politely and observed a social protocol that we admired without wanting to follow it ourselves. Before he died, my father had often marvelled that the Second World War began with Japan being led by an emperor god, and ended with the American occupation forcing him to renounce his divinity. The Japanese god had died because MacArthur willed it and Hirohito spoke it. Godhood was like plaque. If your mother told you to brush your teeth, off it went, provided you used the right flavour of Colgate. Kings had once ruled by divine right. By 2025, the Crown Princess of Japan ruled our hearts merely by popular approval. She was our special friend, with whom we were all on intimate and imaginary terms. Indeed, on the day she died—on the day they all died—Princess Aiko’s was the most friended account on Facebook. That’s why March 27, 2025, was such a joyous occasion for us. In hindsight, it’s utterly sick to associate the date with happiness of any kind, but history must always be understood in context, and the context of the announcement was a wirelessly connected world whose collective hopes came suddenly true to the jingle of a breaking news story on the BBC. I was in the kitchen sauteing onions when I heard it. Cutting them had made me cry and my eyes were still red. Then the announcer’s voice broke as he was setting up his intro, and in a video clip that was subsequently rebroadcast, downloaded and parodied close to a billion times in the one hundred thirty-two days that followed, he said: “The Crown Princess of Japan is pregnant!” I ran to the living room and hugged my wife, who’d fallen to her knees in front of the wall-mounted monitor. Pillow was doing laps on and off the sofa. The BBC cut away from the announcer’s joyful face to a live feed from Japan. As I held my wife, her body felt warm and full of life. The top of her jeans cut into her waist. Her tears wetted the top of my shirt sleeve. Both of our phones started to buzz—emails and Twitter notifications streaming in. On the monitor, Aiko and her husband, both of their angular faces larger than life in 110” 1080p, waved to the crowd in Tokyo and the billions watching around the world. They spoke in Japanese and a woman on the BBC translated, but we hardly needed to know her exact words to understand the emotions. If them, why not also us? I knew my wife was having the same thought. We, too, could have a family. Then I smelled burning oil and the pungency of onions and I remembered my sauteing. I gently removed my arms from around my wife’s shoulders and ran back to the kitchen, still listening to Aiko’s voice and its polite English echo, and my hands must have been shaking, or else my whole body was shaking, because after I had turned down the heat I reached for the handle of the frying pan, knocked the pan off the stove top instead, and burned myself while stupidly trying to catch it before it fell, clattering, to the floor. The burned onions splattered. I’d cracked one of the kitchen tiles. My hand turned pale and I felt a numbness before my skin started to overflow with the warmth of pain. Without turning off the broadcast, my wife shooed me downstairs to the garage where we kept our car and drove me to the hospital. The Toronto streets were raucous. Horns honked. J-pop blared. In the commotion we nearly hit a pedestrian, a middle-aged white woman pushing a baby carriage, who’d cut across Lake Shore without looking both ways. She had appeared suddenly from behind a parked transport—and my wife instinctively jerked the car from the left lane to the right, scraping our side mirror against the truck but saving two lives. The woman barely noticed. She disappeared into a crowd of Asian kids on the other side of street who were dancing to electronica and waving half a dozen Japanese flags, one of which was the Rising Sun Flag, the military flag of Imperial Japan. Clutching my wrist in the hope it would dull the pain in my hand, I wondered how many of them knew about the suffering Japanese soldiers had inflicted on countless Chinese in the name of that flag. To the right, Lake Ontario shone and sparkled in the late afternoon light. A passenger jet took off from Toronto Island Airport and climbed into the sky. In the hospital waiting room, I sat next to a woman who was reading a movie magazine with Nuri Bilge Ceylan’s face on the cover. The Cannes film festival was coming up. My wife checked me in at the reception desk. The woman beside me put down her magazine and told me that she was there with her son, as if needing to justify her presence. I affirmed by nodding. He’d hurt his leg playing soccer for a local Armenian junior boys team, she went on. I said I’d hurt myself frying onions and that I was here with my wife. She said my wife was pretty and asked if I liked movies. Without meaning to do it, I tried to guess her age—unsuccessfully—and proceeded to imagine having doggy style sex with her. She had dark eyes that barely blinked and plump thighs. When I started to feel guilty, I answered her question: sometimes I watched movies at home, but I hadn’t been to a theatre in a decade. When my wife sat down, I let the two of them talk about the woman’s son. I was having trouble concentrating. I took my phone out of my pocket and read all the new emails about the royal conception, then stared at the seconds hand going slowly around its digital clock face on my home screen, wondering why we so often emulated the limitations of analogue machines on devices that were no longer bound by them. I switched my clock type to a digital readout. Now the seconds no longer rotated but flickered away. They called my name over the crackling intercom and a nurse led me to one of the empty rooms. “How about that baby,” he said while we walked. I didn’t see his face, only the shaved back of his head. “The things they can do these days, even for infertile couples.” I waited for over thirty minutes for a doctor. When one came in, she inspected my hand for less than ten seconds before telling me that I was fine and hinting that I shouldn’t have wasted her time by coming to the emergency room. She had high cheek bones, thin lips and bony wrists. Her tablet had a faux clipboard wallpaper. Maybe I had only misinterpreted her tone. “How about that baby,” I said. “It’s not a baby yet,” she answered. This time her tone was impossible to misinterpret. I was only repeating what the nurse had said, I told myself. But I didn’t say that to her. Instead, I imagined her coming home at night to an empty apartment, furnished possibly in a minimalistic Japanese or Swedish style, brewing a cup of black coffee and settling into an armchair to re-read a Simone de Beauvoir novel. I was about to imagine having sex with her when I caught hold of myself and wondered what was up with me today. When I got back to the waiting room, my wife was no longer there—but the Armenian woman was. She pointed down the hall and told me a room number. She said that sometime after I left, my wife had gotten a cramp and started to vomit all over the floor. Someone was still mopping up. The other people in the waiting room, which was filling up, gave me tactfully dirty looks, either because I was with the vomiter or because I’d shirked my responsible by being away during the vomiting. Irrationally, I wiped my own mouth and fled down the hall. Inside the numbered room, my wife was sitting hunched over on an observation bed, slowly kicking her feet back and forth. “Are you OK?” I asked. “Come here,” she said. I did, and sat beside her on the bed. I repeated my question. She still smelled a little of vomit, but she looked up at me like the world’s luckiest puppy, her eyes big and glassy, and said, “Norman, I’m pregnant.” That’s all she could say— That’s all either of us could say for a while. We just sat there on the examination bed like a pair of best friends on a swing set after dark, dangling our feet and taking turns pulling each other closer. “Are you sure?” I finally asked. My voice was hoarse. I sounded like a frog. “Yes.” She kicked the heel of my shoe with the rubber toe of hers. “We’re going to have a baby.” It was beautiful. The most wonderful moment of my life. I remembered the day we met and our little marriage ceremony. I thought about being a father, and felt positively terrified, and about being a better husband, and felt absolutely determined, and as I kissed my wife there in the little hospital room with its sterile green walls, I imagined making love to her. I kept imagining it as we drove back to the apartment through partying Toronto streets. “Not since the Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup!” the radio announcer proclaimed—before I turned him off. I also turned off my phone and my wife’s phone. No more buzzing. In the underground parking lot, I leaned over and licked her soft neck. I pushed her through the open apartment door and straight into the living room, onto the sofa, and wished I could be the cushions beneath her thighs and the air invading her lungs. Pillow barked a greeting and wagged her tail. The monitor on the wall showed talking heads and fertility experts. I unbuttoned my wife’s blouse. She unbuckled my belt. The picture on the monitor dissolved to a close-up of Aiko’s smiling face. My wife and I took turns sliding off each other’s jeans. I kissed her bare stomach. She ran her hands through my hair. I dimmed the lights. We made love. When we were done it was starry nighttime. My wife bandaged my hand. We turned off the television. The silence was refreshing because people on television too often talk like they’re trying to push you off a ledge. My wife excused me from the duty of making supper because of my ineptness with the frying pan, and handed me a leash instead. I hooked it up to Pillow’s collar and took her outside. While she peed, I gazed up at the sky and identified the Big Dipper. It and the Little Dipper were the only constellations I could identify without using a smartphone app. After Pillow finished, we ducked into a nook and I peed, too. The March sky was amazingly clear of smog. My urine splashed on the concrete and I felt embarrassingly primal. I breathed in, shook out the last drops and zipped up. In the apartment, we ate grilled portabella mushrooms topped with parmesan and parsley and drank brown rice tea. My wife had changed into fresh clothes. I had changed into fresh skin. Every time she said “mom” and “dad”, the words discharged trickles of electricity up and down my peripheral nervous system. We were happy; we were going to have a baby. The whole world was happy; the Crown Princess of Japan of was going to have a baby. The sounds of drunken urban celebrations drifted in through our bedroom window all night like fog, and we barely slept.
Gold is precious because it’s rare. Now close your eyes and imagine that the next time you open them, everything in your world will be golden: your kitchen table, the bananas you bought on the way home from work yesterday, your bottle of shampoo, even your teeth. Now blink. You’re not alone. The market’s flooded. Gold isn’t rare anymore. It’s everywhere. Which means that it’s worth about as much as its weight in mud, because there’s nothing intrinsically good about gold. Can you write on your gold table? It scratches. Surely you can’t eat your golden fruit. Your shampoo’s not a liquid anymore, so your hair’s already starting to get greasy. And if you do find something to eat that’s not made of metal, how long will those gold teeth last before you grind them into finely polished nubs? For two days the Earth glittered. For two days we lived in a daze of perfection. And then, on March 29, a researcher working with lab mice at Stanford University noticed something odd. All of his female mice were pregnant. He contacted several of his colleagues who were also working with mice, rats, and monkeys. All their female animals were pregnant, too. Some of the colleagues had wives and girlfriends. They took innocent-seeming trips to their local pharmacies and bought up all the available pregnancy tests. At home, women took test after test and all of them showed positive. By midnight, the researchers had drafted a joint letter and sent copies of it to the major newspapers in their countries. On the morning of March 30, the news hit. When I checked my Twitter feed after breakfast, #impregtoo was already trending. Throughout the day, Reddit lit up with increasingly bizarre accounts of pregnancies that physically couldn’t be but, apparently, were. Post-menopausal women, celibate women, prepubescent girls, women who’d had their uteruses removed only to discover that their reproductive systems had spontaneously regenerated like the severed tales of lizards. Existing early stage pregnancies aborted themselves and re-fertilized, like a system rebooting. Later term pregnancies developed Matryoshka-like pregnancies nested within pregnancies. After a while, I stopped reading, choosing to spend time with my wife instead. As night fell, we reclined on the sofa, her head on my chest, Pillow curled up in our tangle of feet, the television off, and the streets of Toronto eerily quiet save for the intermittent blaring of far off sirens, as any lingering doubts about the reality of the situation melted away like the brief, late season snow that floated gently down from the sky, blackening the streets. On March 30, the World Health Organization issued a communique confirming that based on the available data it was reasonable to assume that all female mammals were pregnant. No cause was identified. It urged any woman who was not pregnant to step forward immediately. Otherwise, the communique offered no guidance. It indicated merely that the organization was already working with governments around the world to prepare for a massive influx of human population in approximately nine months’ time. Most places, including Toronto, reacted with stunned panic. Non-essential workplaces and schools were decried closed. People were urged to stay indoors. Hospitals prepared for possible complications. A few supermarkets ran out of canned food and there were several bank runs, but nothing happened that the existing systems couldn’t handle. Populations kept their nerve. Highway and air traffic increased slightly as people rushed to be with their friends, families and gynaecologists. We spent the entire day in our apartment and let Pillow pee in the tub. Except for the conspiracy theorists, who believed that the Earth was being cosmically pollinated by aliens, most of us weren’t scared to go outside, but we were scared of the unknown, and we preferred to process that fear in the comfort of our own dens. The New York Times ran a front page editorial arguing for an evaluation of the situation using Kurt Schwaller’s theory of everything. In conjunction with The Washington Post, The Guardian and The Wikipedia Foundation, a website was set up asking users for technical help, monetary donations and the sharing of any surplus computing power. The project quickly ran into problems. To accurately predict anything, the theory of everything needed sufficient data, and, on April 2, cryptome.org published a series of leaked emails between the French Minister of Health and a high-ranking member of World Health Organization that proved the latter’s communique had been disingenuous at best. Externally, the World Health Organization had concluded that all female mammals were pregnant. That remained true. However, it had failed to admit an even more baffling development: the wombs of all female mammals had inexplicably become impenetrable to all rays and materials that had so far been tried against them. For all intents and purposes, there was no way to see inside the womb, or to destroy it. The only way to revert the body to its natural form, to terminate the pregnancy, was to kill the woman—an experiment that, according to the high-ranking member of the World Health Organization, the French government had helped conduct on unwilling women in Mali. Both parties issued repeated denials until a video surfaced showing the murders. I couldn’t bring myself to watch it. They spun their denials into arguments about the necessity of sacrificing lives for the greater good. Reminded once again of the deception inherent in politics, many turned to religion, but the mainstream religions were hesitant to react. They offered few opinions and no answers. The fringe religions split into two camps. Some leaders welcomed this development, the greatest of all known miracles, while others denounced the same as a universal and unnatural punishment for our collective sins of hedonism, egoism and pride. The most successful of all was the Tribe of Akna, a vaguely mystical Maya revival cult that sprang up seemingly overnight and was led by a Guatemalan freelance programmer named Salvador Abaroa. Although it originated in Mexico City, the Tribe spread as quickly across the world as the computer viruses that Abaroa was notorious for creating. On the Tribe’s homepage, Abaroa could be seen striking an antique brass gong and saying in Spanish-tinged English, “Like energy, life is never destroyed. Every one of us plays an integral part of the cosmic ecosystem. Every man, woman and virus.” Elsewhere on the website, you could buy self-published theological textbooks, listen to scratchy recordings of speeches by Alan Watts and read about the hypothesis that Maya thought was deeply connected to Buddhism because the Mayans had crossed the Pacific Ocean and colonized Asia. But despite the apparent international cooperation happening at the highest levels, the first week of April was an atomizing period for the so-called people on the ground. We hunkered down. Most personal communication was digital. My wife and I exchanged emails with her parents and sister, but we met no one face-to-face, not even on Skype. We neither invited our neighbours to dinner nor were invited by them, despite how easy it was to walk down the hall and knock. I read far more than I wrote, and even when I did write, responding to a blog post or news story, I found it easier to relate to strangers than to the people I knew. My wife said I had a high tolerance for solitude. “Who do you know in the city?” she asked. Although we’d been living here together for three years, she still considered Toronto mine. She was the stranger, I was the native. I said that I knew a few people from work. She told me to call one of them I’d never called before. I did, and the next day’s sky was cloudless and sunny and there were five of us in the apartment: my wife and I, my friend Bakshi and his wife Jacinda, and their daughter, Greta. Greta drank apple juice while the rest of us drank wine, and all five of us gorged ourselves on freshly baked peach cobbler, laughing at silly faces and cracking immature jokes. It hardly registered for me that the majority of the room was unstoppably pregnant, but wasn’t that the point: to forget—if only for a few hours? Instead of watching the BBC, we streamed BDRips of Hayao Miyazaki movies from The Pirate Bay. Porco Rosso ruled the skies, castles flew, a Catbus arrived at its magical stop. Then Bakshi’s phone rang, and he excused himself from the table to take the call. When he returned, his face was grey. “What’s the matter?” Jacinda asked him. He was still holding the phone to his ear. “It’s Kurt Schwaller,” he said. “They just found his body. They think he killed himself.”
2020.09.30 18:17 FreezeGhost1All my problems with Yandere Simulator - Long Ass Post
Yandere Simulator is fun, it's not a bad game. But there's so much nitpicks and actual problems I have with the game. If you threw someone random, hasn't watched any videos would be fucking confused. The game (with tutorials) tells so much but also so little. This is hell for new players.
First, let's talk about rivals. Rivals should've been entirely reworked. Why is Osana the first rival? She's close to Senpai. And it would make sense with the bodyguard, Raibaru who is near fucking invincible. Also, you can buy schemes from Info-chan, which gives you a list by list of what to do. That isn't an organic game design. The inventory system is finally something he added (even though it looks shit) but... why do you lose shit like lockpicks after each day. Also, he spent all this time making Kokona, the test rival. With full dialogue, animations (some which Osana doesn't have), voice lines, an interesting storyline (dating older men to pay off her father's debt from a loan shark), multiple organic ways of murdering her, the main path with Befriend and Betray with the loan shark's daughter (which Osana's befriend and betray is that an incel stole her dog). And she's not in the game. Also, remove the pedophile teacher and nurse rivals. Disgusting pervy dev.
The school is designed really poorly. There are so many useless and empty rooms like the English and Workshop room. Some clubs such as Occult Club shouldn't be in a fucking school. Science Club is some high tech shit that no school would fund. And the gaming club turned from a realistic computer lab that would make sense. Now the computer lab is empty and the rival leader is an incel and the room is some anime area with a useless DDR machine. Areas like drama club should stay in the gym, occult should be in a forest area at school, and the Science Club should just be in the Biology and other science-related labs. He didn't even give you an extra week to do some tasks or boost your stats by going to class. The map is shit and shows every place in high detail. It should be simple and show icons of important areas like fucking class. Why isn't there a minimap?
The town needs rework. Multiple stuff in Town just... entirely pointless. Or make no sense to not be in the game (haircut and buying a Magical Girl game which is useless). Also, Kokona is shown dating the headmaster. Which makes you think. Why can't we record Osana getting stalked by the stalker? He could've connected the town to the street where Osana, Senpai, and Yandere-chan live. But the maid cafe minigame gave me big mobile game vibes and gets you money, so me likey.
The points system is bad. Info-chan assists you in the game, and she's introduced in a cutscene and tutorials. Bugs reset per day, are easy to get, and are mentioned in one tutorial. Also, panty shots are such a sick mechanic but are really the only good use of the camera outside of useless AR games that now the Gaming Club play in hallways (instead of being in the Computer Lab playing some flash games lmao). Just make bugs have more locations and actually explained, as well as allowing us to do random tasks for Info-chan.
Tasks are good in concept. Fun side content that allows you to befriend people and make them do things. Including following you and distracting others. But a lot of characters don't have tasks, even 2015 introduced ones. Sometimes chunks of characters are added in groups and don't have tasks. All delinquents have a task. But the bullies, only one has. And Musume (Loan Shark's daughter) has two which one was removed, which one could've been shifted to another bully. The task was getting ciger]ates. Which you need a fake id to get. WHICH WOULD MAKE INFO-CHAN HAVE SOME PURPOSE, AS WELL AS MAKE KIDNAPPING HAVE PURPOSE AND ITS RELATED TO KOKONA. Not even all club leaders have tasks. None of the Science Club or Photography Club Members have a task. Almost all students have one placeholder task which gets repetitive after a while. Also, characters like Raibaru or Osana can't be distracted at a lot of moments lmao.
hello beautiful folks of this sub! i’ve sought you out after recently beginning a major panic about my sexuality, though i’m not sure what i’m expecting. advice? personal anecdotes? to try and voice my tangled thoughts? i’ll take anything at this point. see, i’ve always identified as a lesbian. i feel attraction pretty rarely, and have a pretty shaky grasp of what i find aesthetically pleasing in a person. but while attraction is rare for me, i’ve only ever felt it towards girls. i’ve dated girls, had sex with girls, fell in love with my first serious girlfriend and ate tubs of ice cream when we broke up. i give off pretty heavy lesbian vibes (short hair, button downs for every occasion, obsession with ABBA) so guys rarely even think to flirt with me, which has always been fine. but. there’s a guy at work. i thought he was cute when i first saw him, in an idle sort of way, and then we started talking. and with every word that comes out of his mouth i just like him more - he’s funny, and sweet, and all around just interesting to be around! when i first saw him without his mask i was as startled as anyone to realize that i do genuinely find him attractive, and have that innate urge to reach out and touch that i’ve never had with a guy before. we’ve gone out a few times, and after hours and hours of effortless talking and laughing i asked him if he’d like to go out on a date. he said he’d wanted to ask me, but didn’t want to make me uncomfortable, which made me want to cry with how wonderfully considerate he is. we’ve been texting nearly non-stop since then (and i’ve unironically laughed out loud at so many of his texts it’s getting ridiculous) and as much as i like him and i’m glad we’re going out, the whole thing has left me utterly confused as to what it means for my sexuality. can i keep calling myself a lesbian, considering i’ve broken the one rule of lesbianism? is it time for a total code switch over to bisexual, or is this a “homoflexible” type of deal? should i just ditch labels altogether and rely on my old friend “queer” as a descriptor? lesbian has always been the label i’ve been most comfortable with, but i’ve also always been most comfortable dating women, so everything is topsy turvy. i’m currently in college, and am feeling more of a bizarre kinship with girls who leave home and start tentatively exploring lesbianism than ever before. tldr; college lesbian(?) starts dating a guy for the first time, panics about it
2020.09.30 17:35 WeAreLegion88I screwed up by not explaining properly. Im not good with words
my girlfriend (28F) and I (32M) have been together for over 2 years. She has a 8yr old son from a previous relationship, and I have a 8yr old son from mine. We are expecting a baby of our own. Shes due in late October so we are pretty close. I screwed up because I was trying to talk about a topic I read a long time ago. Basically, in a relationship there are 3 parts you need to work on. In no specific order: #1 Personal Time: Could be reading a book, maybe lunch with a friend/friends, watching a tv show on your phone away from the living room because We Bare Bears is always showing, a short walk. Basically could take a least 10 mins #2 Family Time: Fishing trips, hiking, dinner conversatons are my favorite. #3 Husband/Wife time: Date nights. Spontaneous affection. Hopefully sex if conditions are perfect, hopefully sex if conditions arent perfect. walks together. etc I read that you cant put all your eggs in one basket and expect to be happy. A person needs to work on all 3 areas to be Happy on an individual level, a good/decent parent, and in a happy relationship. The way it happened was, I was talking about maybe getting together with some friends after baby comes. 1 evening, have a few beers. Catch up on life etc. I mention (my segue into what I read) its important to focus on personal time to be happy (poorly worded). And she got upset, She interpreted that as me being selfish. Me not wanting to be around her or baby. Arguing with a preggo spouse is near impossible. Crying started. I panicked and tried back tracking. It was futile. FYI mentioning arguing with a preggo spouse is a stupid idea and guaranteed to make it worse. I am not a smart man. I'll probably attempt this conversation at a safer time. after more thought is put into the intro of the topic. Until then, its double cleaning and cooking duties. I thought of opening by comparing it to the "Trinity" by saying Drinking with friends, fishing with the kids, an hopefully having sex is a good way to be happy in life. It makes sense tho, right?
2020.09.30 17:24 InsightdelightNote 10+ not sending text messages
For the past 2 weeks my Note 10+ has been displaying an error message not able to send text messages nearly every day. Eventually the text messages go through after about 10 to 30 minutes. My phone seems to be up-to-date with software: One UI version 2.5, Android version 10. Other details: I'm using Google Messages and the issue persists with the 'Enable chat features' off and on. I've also switched to the stock messaging app and it's a similar issue. If it's not my phone, the only other thing I think could be an issue is that I moved to a new city. I didn't have this issue this often back home (USA-based). I was wondering if anyone else is experiencing a similar issue or if it's just me and if anyone has recommendations on how to fix the issue.
2020.09.30 17:11 alaooddizkalksmsBest friend cheating on his gf and other friend covering it up
So I’m 19M and have two very close friends am gonna call them A and O (both Male 20 years old) All 3 of us have gfs so O is the dumb one out of the 3 of us not doing much work in school plus not being smart and he’s also kinda into some light drugs weed and stuff plus at this point he’s addicted to his vape in which he keeps increasing the dosage of nicotine me and A drink a lot when we go out but don’t go near any of that A more than me (though he grew up in a rough environment surrounded with drugs) we both are doing a very hard course that was difficult to get while Os in some piss easy to get course I am 100% against cheating like I got cheated on before and if I knew someone was I’d expose them no matter who they are I’ve mentioned this before while A is very morally flexible I know he won’t do it (for insecurity reasons plus he’s a really rational pragmatic type of guy) but I think O would So yesterday I was talking to my gf who said that Os gf is slightly worried because O didn’t answer his phone and had kept it turned off all night yesterday but O had told her that he was out with A getting drunk and then they stayed over at his house with A confirming this story but I know it’s not true for several reasons Once a week specifically that day and always in the evenings A talks to his grandparents on the phone (they live in a different country ) along with that he always over the phone does all their online bill payments any documents and other paperwork for them and walks his grandad through the exact process I’ve seen this go on once for 6 hours straight generally it last about 3 hours he refuses to do anything social on does days and if he’s staying over he’ll do it there he generally doesn’t even get drunk on that day We generally hang out all 3 of us or me with A or like double dates cause mine and As gf are really good friends while they Os gf they are not fond of due to cultural differences So now I know that O cheated but I have no proof and I know A is lying what do I do I can’t just go to Os gf with nothing but suspicion I can’t tell my gf cause she will tell As gf who might get annoyed at A over this but without any proof I don’t wanna cause problems TLDR-plz read
I'm just looking to get general public insight into my current relationship. HISTORY: I (33f) am a mother to 3 kids. My first 2 kids are from a prior marriage to my high school sweetheart that left me so beat literally and figuratively to the point I considered taking my own life (he didn't work, had a side chick, abused me sexually and physically. While I wasn't perfect, I made good money, bought our first house at 23, served in my local church and was loyal to him through his infidelity). I struggled through a messy divorce at 26 and made it to the other side with the help of therapy and meds. Then at 29, I met my current dude (40m now, 36 then). He had his life seemingly together - he made 6 figures, had a nice truck, had lots of cool hobbies like kayaking, gardening, brewing, photography, and he took me out to fancy restaurants and was very kind to me. I thought life was finally balancing out and I was with an equal. 7 months into our relationship, he invited me to live with him in his house because me and my kids would sleep over most of the week and he didn't think it made sense for me to pay so much rent if I wasn't home much (we lived in California at the time). We also both wanted to eventually get married and have a family together. So, we agreed I would move in, rent-free, so I could go back to school and meanwhile try to get pregnant. Here's the messy part: his house! He didn't own it, just rented it, but there was stuff everywhere! Boxes of stuff. Papers, mail, empty packaging. Ugh. So, I said I would clean up and organize in lieu of rent. He said I didn't have to because I was already helping him with a side job he had for free, but I did it anyway. Unfortunately, every time I'd clean, he'd take it as an invitation to make a mess again which was fine to me at the time bc I knew he had a lot of hobbies. We shared cooking tho because we both really enjoy it. A few months later I was pregnant with his first baby. He flew his parents out from the Midwest for us to meet and everything was so sweet! I really felt happy... Until he went on a business trip and came back really, really sick. He was diagnosed with HSV encephalitis which is basically a virus that attacks the brain. In his case, it was his left temporal lobe. He had seizures. He couldn't talk. He couldn't walk. It took 6 months for him to learn to talk and walk again. His first words when he could talk again were, "I love you, will you marry me?" I told him yes, but we should talk more seriously about it when he's better. I was so happy to be by his side every day in the hospital and in rehab, to encourage him and see his progress. My goal was just for him to be able to hold his baby. After the baby was born, he asked how I would feel about moving to the Midwest to be closer to his side of the family. My mom had just passed and I never had a good relationship with my father. The only thing holding me back was my brothers who lived 10 hours north in Oregon and the fact that I loved the school my older kids went to (it was a Spanish immersion school that gardened their own lunch and taught environmental responsibility). So, I asked him if he could go ahead of us and prepare a home since he already had a new job lined up and it would give me a few months to find a good neighborhood school for my kids to go to in the new city, a job for myself (I never did go back to school), and day care. He disagreed because he wanted to spend every day with our newborn which I understood. Plus, he said he wouldn't pay rent at the house we were living in together because he wanted to start saving his money to buy a house which I also understood. So, I just sent along with whatever he wanted. In retrospect, that was my fault. After we moved, he quit the job lined up for him even after making over $2k in his first 10 days of training. Quitting prevented him from buying a house. So, I went back to work (I work in the legal field) but because I hadn't worked for the year prior due to pregnancy and his illness, I didn't qualify for a house yet. We were living at his parents' house for a couple of months when my younger brother stepped in and bought us a house we could rent from him with the premise he would give us back what we paid to use as a down payment for our own house when we were ready. This is the house we are living in now that I have been paying rent on, utilities, yard work, and most groceries. My brother pays for all repairs like flooding we had last year, a minor mouse problem, and renovations as needed. Flash forward to now: we are currently separated/ on a break because we couldn't stop fighting after we moved. He started talking to different women online, starting relationships with them, and then ghosting them. He would tell me about them because it makes him feel guilty from time-to-time. The other thing he admitted to is he was having unprotected sex with another woman early in our dating relationship which ended in her having a miscarriage of his child. Sigh... So, I reason this to his brain illness. All so messy. Before he left, all I wanted was his love back. I still do. But I also need help with half the financial responsibility. And sex. We haven't been intimate for a year except maybe twice. He said he just isn't horny and that he won't work more than 15 hours a week at $13/hr because he has also gone back to uni for his bachelor's he never accomplished before. I understood and asked him then to just do dishes. One chore to help. He obliged but not after complaining and huffing & puffing every time. Seriously feels like a 4th child. He also still never cleans up after himself. After showers, he leaves his clothes on and floor. After opening mail, he leaves his papers all over the table. After cooking, so many dirty plans and mixing bowls. Everywhere he goes, mess. And I realized finally, I don't want to live like that So, two weeks ago, I gave him an ultimatum: respect the space or move out. He decided to take some things and stay at his parents' for a while. How have I been? Fan-fkn-tastic! My house is clean! I'm organizing so much and it feels amazing!! I don't dread coming home from work now because I have a clean home to come to. My older kids (9 and 7) really respect my rules and put their toys away after they're done playing with them. I love the respect and how they are honoring the peace in our home. I just also miss him. It makes me sad that it came to this, but it has to be done, I guess. My plan going forward: make a system of organization and cleanliness that works for everyone in our home. When it's been a good month, I will invite him to come and see the progress made and ask him if he thinks he can uphold his end. The reason I'm being so nice to him is because he did take care of rent financially for a year at his old house while I lived there with my 2 kids and because he had a near death experience. I get it: he's 40 and his life isn't where he thought it would be, but c'mon man, I'm suffering over here! After this, I think I've tried everything I can to make it work. TDLR: partner paid 1 year of rent so I could go back to school and focus on getting pregnant with his child. I couldn't go to school bc pregnancy made me temp disabled and partner fell ill with a life-threatening illness that I had to care for. I have been paying rent for a year now because he decided to quit his job and go back to school without telling me. So, plans switched without my agreement. I asked him to leave for a while so I could organize my life. Am I doing adult-relationshipping right?
2020.09.30 17:07 AliceOfSinnoh[USA] [H] PS4 Games, Saturn games, GBA games, 3DS games, Megaman 7 (SNES), Megaman X2 (SNES), Popful Mail (Sega CD), Misadventures of Tron Bonne (PSX), Persona 5 Take Your Heart Edition (PS4), PS Vita Assassin's Creed Edition, Neo Geo Pocket Color, collectibles, more inside [W] CIB Pokemon games
Hello everyone! I'm a Pokemon collector trying to knock out the last few gaps in my Pokemon collection. Hopefully you'll find something here that interests you. Thanks for looking! 9/29 update - added Persona 5 Take Your Heart Edition (PS4) 9/28 update - added PS Vita Assassin's Creed Edition, Megaman 7 (SNES), Megaman X2 (SNES), Megaman's Soccer (SNES), Speed Racer (SNES); organized the list a bit 9/27 update - added Cyber Troopers Virtual On (Saturn), Borderlands 3 Claptrap figure, Plague Knight plush, Balloonicorn plush, TF2 Pinny Arcade set, Persona 4 pins and keychains, Medabots trading card folder, Sonic action figure, Sonic iron-on patch set, many Megaman collectibles
What I'm trading:
Case and game only. Cartridge is in very good condition. Case art is in good condition. Hang tab on the case is missing.
Complete (instruction manual, foam block spacer, insert card, and longbox jewel case). Manual is in very nice condition with just some minor wear on the embossed SEGA CD logo. Registration cards and insert card are intact. Disc is near-mint, I don't see any scratches on it. Some very minor shelf wear on the longbox case (mostly some light scuffing), but it's intact with no real damage that I can see. Overall this game is in excellent condition, displays very nicely. Probably the best you'll get, short of finding one still sealed.
Complete (instruction manual and longbox jewel case). Disc is in very good condition (few minor scratches). Manual's registration card and pages are intact. Longbox shows a little shelfwear. Overall very good condition.
Complete (instruction manual and longbox jewel case). Disc is in good condition (some scratches). Manual's a little worn, but the registration card and pages are intact. Longbox is scuffed and shows shelfwear. Overall good condition.
Complete (instruction manual and longbox jewel case). Disc is in good condition (some scratches). Manual's a little worn, but the registration card and pages are intact. Longbox is scuffed and cracked.
Complete (instructions and jewel case). Discs are in good condition (some minor scratches). Manual and art in good condition but the case is pretty much a writeoff (cracked/broken, price sticker residue).
Complete (instructions, jewel case, and demo disc). Discs are in very good condition (some minor scratches). Former rental but in very good shape. Case has minor crack on the inside flap, and manual cover has been reinforced/"laminated" with plastic tape.
PS Vita Assassin's Creed III Liberation Limited Edition Bundle
Complete (big box, inner cardboard box, instruction booklet, quick start guides, insert card, game and memory card tray, power cable, AR card packet, system). I bought this new when it first came out solely to play Persona 4 Golden, and didn't log very much time with this system (maybe about 20 or 30 hours at the most). The screen has had a protector on it to protect from scratches (which I've since removed and discarded to take photos). It's spent most of its life in a soft padded carrying case (included) and hasn't seen any play whatsoever in the last several years. Cosmetically, the system is in excellent condition. I never played the included game at all, and most of the inserts were left in the box (the AR cards are still sealed). While testing the system, I noticed the touchscreen is sometimes too sensitive and sometimes not sensitive enough. I don't know if that's common with the Vita or not, nor do I know if it's an easy fix, so I'm offering this one as is.
Complete (insert, manuals, inner cardboard tray, and box). Box is in very good condition (minor crease on front right corner, near "3"). Cart is in very good condition (some very minor scratches on back). RetroProtection box protector included.
Rockman (Megaman) 15th Memorial Anniversary Calendar 2002
New. Sealed. Vintage Japanese wall calendar from around the time of the first Rockman EXE (Megaman Battle Network) game's release. Includes an unused sticker sheet featuring mostly Megaman Battle Network characters, but also some Megaman Legends characters.
New in package. This is an articulated figure of a Servbot from Megaman Legends, made as a tie-in item with "Toron ni Kobun" (Misadventures of Tron Bonne). Same as the one above, this one also has a happy expression.
New in package. "Not for sale" promo item released as a preorder bonus for the Japanese release of "Misadventures of Tron Bonne". It's a small articulated figurine of a Servbot from the Megaman Legends games. This one has a crying expression and comes with a cannonball accessory, among others.
New in package. "Not for sale" promo item released as a preorder bonus for the Japanese release of "Misadventures of Tron Bonne". It's a small articulated figurine of a Servbot from the Megaman Legends games. This one has a blank expression and comes with a headset accessory, among others.
New in package. "Not for sale" promo item released as a preorder bonus for the Japanese release of "Misadventures of Tron Bonne". It's a small articulated figurine of a Servbot from the Megaman Legends games. This one has a scared expression and comes with a fish accessory, among others.
New in package. "Not for sale" promo item released as a preorder bonus for the Japanese release of "Misadventures of Tron Bonne". It's a small articulated figurine of a Servbot from the Megaman Legends games. This one has a dizzy expression and comes with a wrench accessory, among others.
New in package. "Not for sale" promo item released as a preorder bonus for the Japanese release of "Misadventures of Tron Bonne". It's a small articulated figurine of a Servbot from the Megaman Legends games. This one has a nervous expression and comes with a paper airplane accessory, among others.
New in package. "Not for sale" promo item released as a preorder bonus for the Japanese release of "Misadventures of Tron Bonne". It's a small articulated figurine of a Servbot from the Megaman Legends games. This one has a sleeping expression and comes with a paper airplane accessory, among others.
New in package. "Not for sale" promo item released as a preorder bonus for the Japanese release of "Misadventures of Tron Bonne". It's a small articulated figurine of a Servbot from the Megaman Legends games. This one has a screaming expression and comes with a curried rice plate accessory, among others.
New in package. "Not for sale" promo item released as a preorder bonus for the Japanese release of "Misadventures of Tron Bonne". It's a small articulated figurine of a Servbot from the Megaman Legends games. This one is the "red head parts" favorite that Tron Bonne selects at the end of the game. He has a frowning expression and comes with a sack of zenny accessory, among others.
2020.09.30 17:05 happilyeverbonnieHow to handle your partner being mean
I've been thinking a lot about meanness, how best to handle it, what good responses are, how best to discourage it. I've dealt with a mean husband and so have many of my clients. It's the main reason I consider myself to be on hard mode in the husband department. Laura Doyle, a relationship coach and author that I studied under, teaches that if your husband is mean to you, you should say ouch and leave the room. Don't engage at all and engage in self-care. I think it's really sound advice but didn't really solve all my problems. She presents a logical response in an emotionally unsafe situation which gives the feeling of control. That's great, but it doesn't really get at the real issue or even address the real hurt that comes from feeling like the one you are supposed to be close with would treat you with such disdain. Ouch. Ouch is right. But what next? For the record, I don't think that every act of meanness constitutes abuse, an abuser, or an abusive relationship. It might, it might not. It's up to each person to decide how best to proceed. I was in an abusive relationship as a teenager and it forever changed my understanding of human relationships. Sometimes my husband reminds me of that crazy guy I dated when I was 15, but 98% of the time that's not true now. It was more true when we were in the bad old days. Fighting all the time, tension, no respect or intimacy. There was a lot more fighting words and intimidation tactics back then, but it's not entirely gone yet, maybe it will never be, but it's so so so much better. Here's what I've tried: First I tried Laura's method - - say "ouch" or use "duct tape" which is a Laura way of saying not to say anything in response (and then somethingsomethingvulnerability). I went through several months of duct-taping through most conversations so that I could 'reset' my relationship and the power dynamic that we'd be struggling over. It was hard and painful, and sometimes I felt like I was breaking myself in half, holding all my words in. But it helped. It really helped. And it may not have been what was fair or right to do, but it helped keep my family together and would eventually lead to peace in my home and happiness in my marriage. I got good at duct tape, but I still had an anger problem. Even if I didn't respond to him at all, didn't engage in arguments, didn't respond to argument baiting, his words still hurt me....profoundly. I was still injured and usually didn't get an apology and I was angry that I felt like I was doing so much work on myself and he would just needle me for no reason. It felt like a lot of old wounds. Very very occasionally it still does. And when it feels like that, I get triggered in a ragey kind of way. I say this with fire in my belly. I hate being told that I'm not doing enough. I hate being mischaracterized and made out to be something that I'm not. It is infuriating and fills me with self-righteous rage. Always has, probably always will. I try to be a water-on-a-ducks-back kind of gal, but that really really gets to me. Do not lie to me about myself. A. I don't like lies in the first place. and B. I work very hard to be my whole self, to work on every aspect of me, I have no secrets, and I am wholly dedicated to my self-improvement. Why would someone want to hurt me? Sometimes I really don't think they mean to. Might be the testosterone. More research needed. People of any gender can be mean so why are people mean sometimes? I dunno. Stress? I'm not sure, I haven't really figured it out yet. I don't tend to get mean. I might snap to get some personal space (that's been happening more than I'd like lately but I guess that's what 6 months of quarantine will do to you when you asked approximately 450 questions per day of varying coherence.) In any case, I don't think this is a "throw the whole man out" situation. So for those of us who have a good partner, who wants to stay with them but sometimes their partner gets mean and says hurtful things that we now have to think over and over....what do we do? What's the best course of action that will lead to increased safety, intimacy, and oh here's the kicker, vulnerability? I think the lynchpin here is that when our partners are mean to us, they have the control and therefore the power. Meanness is a shortcut to both. Most of us try to earn power by behaving and being kind, but others know an easier way and are ruthless enough to try it out sometimes when they feel threatened or stressed or under the influence. But for some reason, we are still attracted to them, probably because this ruthless nature gives them a masculine edge that lets them command a room or be very successful in business. Just something good to keep in mind. These are people we chose, so there must be something really good about them even if it might be hard to see at certain junctures. The most important piece here is to avoid a power struggle. Here's how to do it: Strategy 1: Ignore or respond with a short uninteresting but factual response that asserts a boundary like Laura recommends. I expand my recommendations to include short phrases in addition to Ouch. Ex: I don't like being talked to that way, I don't appreciate that kind of comment, Ouch, That hurts my feelings. Anything that is even remotely critical ( men can be very sensitive despite the reputation, they are people too ), defensive, explanatory, or even a well-placed clap-back will only incur more wrath. So keep it uninteresting and short. Once you say it, leave the room if possible. Do not engage or even listen to the next thing they say. Done. You are done. It's not okay for people to talk to you that way and you don't have to stand around for it. I have had success with this level. I find that disengaging and limiting my participation to be very effective in reducing the severity and longevity of conflicts. It doesn't do a ton for prevention or emotional processing though. Strategy 2: Look for the Good. Laura alludes to this as the "spouse fulfilling prophecy." I think this is a really incredible strategy described in her book, The Empowered Wife, that basically goes like this: Figure out what you want to see in your partner, in this case it would be that he would stop being mean to me, so how do I want him to be? I want him to be nice and good to me and treat me like I'm precious. Do I ever see him act that way? Yes! Is he going to act like that again? Yes! What can I do to acknowledge that, bring it to the attention of everyone in the room, and recognize him for his success at being the opposite of the way he was acting when we started all this. I thank him genuinely, I believe he wants to be nicer, and I tell him that's how I see him. And eventually, he starts to see himself that way. Looks like this: My husband says something mean, but he's usually very nice, the next time he does something nice, I will say "Wow! You are SO NICE!" and I will really sell it and believe it myself. After practice, my husband will believe that he is a nice person, and he will be less likely to be mean to me because being mean to me would be contrary to his character. ***Because it's all about the story**\* We haven't gotten into storytelling yet, but we will. This is an opportunity where you get to help shape the character in the story by being letting himself see the good in himself. I think sometimes men get a bit self-loathing (don't we all), but when they do it, they feel insecure and they get all worked up and their man brains just say ah fuck everything, everyone is going down but us. Obviously, more science is needed to back up this very terrible claim, but you know what I mean right? So they hate themselves, they feel unsuccessful, or unsupported in some way. They are also stressed because the world and now they said or did something mean to their wife who was just trying to get some help at the end of the day. Then they feel bad for that, but they are too proud to apologize and dig their heels in when you try to talk to them about it. Ugh. BEEN THERE, and then they justify it and say more mean things and it hurts you worse than ever before and at that point I just want everyone to stop talking! How do you interrupt this downward spiral? Intentionally change directions and right the ship yourself. You are the emotional leader of this relationship and you get to decide the heading. Why? Because you are the one reading this. You obviously care about where this relationship is headed. Pull out that hand lens and find yourself some nice qualities in there somewhere because you are infusing this relationship with good juju and you can't be stopped. So every little good thing he does is celebrated to boost him out of his rut and you can start feeling better about being the same room and maybe even feel like laughing at his jokes again. Hell, just smile at him, he'll go crazy in his own way. You can do this directly with the SFP model where you focus on a specific virtue you want to grow or you can just do as much as you can wherever you can, which I'm going to call cheerleading. Cheerleading is when you fill your day with positive affirmations of your partner. Feel their success, thank them for anything they do, apologize for simple things, just be honest, be positive, and be persistent. After a few months of this, things should really be feeling differently. Your mean, disconnected, and disrespectful partner will start seeing himself in a whole new light. Instead of brooding, he might start saying that he thinks you are even more beautiful now than when you first met, or he might do the dishes, or make your favorite meal, or give you a gift. Is it fair that your husband is the mean one and you have to do all the legwork to make it right (ESPECIALLY WHEN HE DIDN'T APOLOGIZE HIMSELF??) I know what you are thinking. Super unfair. And yeah, you are right. It would be much more fair if he would just see things your way, apologize, promise to never do it again and then snuggle up watching your favorite movie. Love that scenario. Sounds awesome. Realistic? No not at all, at least for those of us in these kinds of relationships on hard mode. I spent 10 years trying to get that outcome. Do. Not. Recommend. He is not going to see the light or just be better suddenly because you think he should be or because 30,000 other women on the internet also thinks he should be. The only way he will be better is if YOU believe he already IS better. Then it won't make sense to him not to be. Cheerleading works. It works real good. It works for any size of problem, it works for getting out of ruts, it gets for getting your partner to pay attention to you. You have to be the positive place for them or they won't come to you. Let me rephrase-- you GET to be the positive place for them, you GET to witness them being an excellent human being and recognize them for that, you GET to be treated better. So it might not be fair, but is it worth it? It is for me. That was a really really long way of saying: don't argue or protest, ignore and disengage and cheerleading good when things have calmed down. But he still said mean things and you still think he thinks those mean things about you and it's gnawing you up inside? What can you do with all these feelings??? Strategy 3: Have a vulnerable conversation. Easier said than done. I've been trying to crack the code on vulnerability for at least a year and I feel like I've made some headway but please know it has been difficult for me to get this far. I hope you have a lot more quick success than I have! I think the difficulty lies in the paradoxical situation. We don't have emotional safety so he's mean. He's mean, which means I don't trust him and don't feel safe so I have withdrawn from the relationship, and he's more mean because he feels like there is no emotional safety and so on and so forth. That's how the basic situation looks, right? So how are you supposed to be vulnerable with him and tell him that he hurt your feelings if you are feeling like you need to protect yourself from him because he hurt your feelings?? Yikes! Laura offers no guidance on this even at the coach level and I've been unsatisfied since. But here's what I have so far. Try this on for size: Once you have disengaged and started cheerleading, your intimacy will gradually increase leading to more easily accessed feelings of well-being flowing between you freely. If you have trouble with vulnerability like me, you might find that it is only once you have felt comfortable and happy in your relationship for quite some time, that you will be brave enough to actually tell him in a gentle way that he hurt you. There are a few pointers that go with this: You cannot be angry or overwhelmingly sad if you want this to go well. Wait at least 3 days to see if it will go away. If it does, you already forgot. What a win! If not, there is always time later. Today I told my husband that I didn't like how he was mean to me several weeks ago and he gave me a simple apology saying he never meant to hurt my feelings. And then he thanked me for my act of vulnerability which he knows is very hard for me. In sum, there is no statute of limitations for apologies or vulnerabilities and they often get much easier to talk about with time. So go to bed mad. Take good care of yourself and don't say anything yet. Focus on you. Talk about what was going on with you from your perspective, but not in an assertive way. Just to explain, not to gain traction or power. If you feel the conversation is going into a power struggle. Disengage and say that maybe you can talk about it another time since you want it to be a really good conversation. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Tell them you know that they probably didn't mean to hurt you since they are so in love with you (because of all the cheerleading), and you also knew that they wouldn't want you to be upset and you feel like sharing your feelings might help. Gentle gentle gentle. You are re-establishing trust and intimacy and it's very delicate, but you can do it if you insist on being very clean about your words and your intentions. Thank them for listening. Tell them how much you appreciate them listening to you and how you feel better just getting that off your chest. DO NOT EXPECT AN APOLOGY. I'm not saying you won't get one but if you expect one your odds are nearly 1 in 1,000. (That's not a real stat, don't quote it.) So that's as far as I have figured things out as of yet. Like most things, success comes after a lot of practice and commitment. This doesn't mean you shouldn't check in on whether or not you are seeing changes, you should always make sure that what you are doing feels like it's moving in the right direction. But if your husband is being mean, try ignoring, cheerleading, and having a vulnerable conversation after emotions have died down. Best of luck. Love you. Sorry, you are going through this. Or maybe you aren't and you just read this far because you are awesome. If that's the case, thank you!
2020.09.30 16:35 truffleflexI dont know if or how I should tell my GF that a girl who makes her uncomfortable (its justified) now shows up at my work and hangs out in my pod for no reason?
Long post. On mobile. My GF and I are both 27. I have this friend, let's call him Joe. He has been dating this girl, let's call her Tina (23f), for like 4 years or something like that. I have been dating Becky for 3 years. As everyone knows, first impressions are everything. I met Tina the same time that my GF did. Everyone was wasted. Tina was making some indirect advances towards me (Tina and Joe have an open relationship; me and my GF do NOT). Examples: Asking my GF how she managed to land such a "stud", making comments about how thick and nice looking my fingers were and how my GF must love them, even commented on my shoe size and said "You know what they say about big feet" and winked at me (total lie, btw. I have big feet and an average member). My GF immediately picked up on it and stopped drinking. I plead ignorance. I was truly unaware until my GF explained it later. The reason it turned into a shit show was because I had gone to the bathroom. GF had to help me. I was trashed, she was basically sober at this point. Well, Tina knocks on the door and says "Greg? Its Tina! Do you need some ASS-istance?" And tried wiggling the doorknob, which was locked, obviously. My GF is nonconfrontational so she just decided it be best we leave. Again, I plead ignorance. I was drunk, didnt see an issue and thought it was innocent, didnt realize how she emphasized the 'ass' in assistance and didnt want to leave. I mean, I left anyways but I was kinda pissed to be honest. After talking to my GF about he next day, I realized that this girl would be an issue and stopped hanging out over there. Not because my GF asked me to (shes far from controlling) but because my GF was more important to me than a night of fun and I didnt want to make her uncomfortable by putting myself in that position. Flash forward to 2 years later. We havent seen them at all during this time but happened to show up at a party that they attended. Tina damn near immediately pointed me out to Joe and all but dragged him over to me, where she proceeded to stare at me with a huge smile on her face all while deliberately pushing her chest out. She also was doing that thing girls do where they laugh overly loud at things that arent funny, all while grabbing my arm and squeezing and saying "You're the funniest." It was even awkward for me. GF is over the top uncomfortable at this point so I suggest we leave and go to a bar to play pool instead. A week later another buddy came over and said that Tina had made advances on him and even grabbed his junk, right infront of his girlfriend. Of course my GF was standing right there when it was said, furthering her hatred for this girl. However, Joe now works with me. He started last week and his GF Tina randomly shows up and hangs out in my pod, despite my efforts to show her zero attention. Joe isnt even on the same floor as me so she has no reason to be in mine. Our management team is super laid back and we are allowed to bring our girlfriends, kids and even pets to work so she is technically allowed here. I told Joe that Tina was making me uncomfortable and that if my GF found out that Tina was following me around and in my pod all the time, it would cause a world of issues. Joe shrugged it off and said "Maybe you should suggest an open relationship. It's fun and you dont have to deal with jealousy or controlling behavior." Basicall yet making out like my GF was just controlling, which isnt the case at all. Now I dont know if I should tell my GF about this because I'm not doing anything wrong and I know for a fact that this will truly upset her. And if I do tell her, how would I even bring it up? If I tell her she is going to tell me to talk to Joe but if she finds out I did and that he suggested an open relationship, she will be wildly offended and even more upset. I dont know what the hell to do guys. I need this job so I cant just quit but I'm almost considering it at this point. I cant file harassment charges because there is no evidence of harassment.
2020.09.30 16:22 Bodacious_Dad_BodI absolutely cannot get ahold of a live person at the IRS. I'm trying to make a payment plan. My information keeps getting rejected by the automated system. When I go to the website, it says my information is invalid and locks me out of my account. Please help.
I have tried going to irs.gov and when I enter my information, it says the requested information is invalid. I tried entering every address I have lived at and in doing so, I've locked myself out of my account. I have tried on several occasions and I keep getting this issue. When I dial 18008291040 I have the same issue. I'm trying to make a payment arrangement and when I go to input my social, date of birth, and zip code it tells me my information is incorrect and to try again later and then hangs up on meI was audited recently and have an amended tax return that I'm trying to process and I cannot for the life of me get ahold of a live person. I tried also calling 8008290582 ext 652 but I was hung up on there as well and told I need to try the next day. This is beyond frustrating and I don't know what to do. I'm trying to get ahold of a person but it's nearly impossible. What else are my options? Please help.
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